The Chimp Paradox: The Mind Management Program to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence, and Happiness

by Steve Peters

Key Point Humans don’t always get it right and Chimps don’t always get it wrong.

Key Point It is the Stone of Life that holds the key to stabilizing your entire Universe.

Remember: the values you hold in yourself are likely to be far more important than what you look like or what you can achieve. Key Point True friends like us for our values and personalities, not for our achievements, position and possessions.

Creating your troop Establish your troop Redefine your troop. Think carefully about who is really in your troop and make sure that the Human has chosen these people. List the members of your troop. It is important to recognize who is not in your troop and whom it is unwise to rely on or open up to. Clarify the roles of the members of your troop Think about what each person in the troop is offering you and what you are offering him or her. Try to recognize when you are asking a troop member to fulfill a role that is not suitable and find someone appropriate to meet your needs. Writing out your needs first is a good starting point. Invest in the troop Once you know who the members of your troop are, prioritize your time to engage with them. Look after your troop, as neglected people often leave. Ask yourself what you have recently done for each member.

So what are the simple rules of how to be assertive? There are three parts to being an assertive communicator, and all three parts must be used, in order to be effective. The three parts to assertiveness are: Say to the person what you don’t want, using the word “I.” Say to them how it is making you feel. Say to them what you do want, using the word “I.” To help to convey your message you can also add that you would like to be heard uninterrupted and you can state the facts as you see them. It always helps to thank the person for listening.

Key Point Working on your body language, intonation, use of words and ambience will help to significantly improve the effectiveness of your communication with others.

An Autopilot blueprint for dealing with instant stress

Recognition and change The pause button Escape The helicopter and getting perspective The plan Reflection and activation Smile

The three levels of recuperation could be seen as: Relaxing Resting Sleeping

Relaxing is about taking a few minutes out of your day to wind down and take a breather. Resting is about stopping for a significant period of time during the day, typically the evening, to escape work and stress, and to completely unwind. Sleep speaks for itself.

As a rule, to define success, Chimps look for material belongings and achievements, whereas Humans look for personal qualities. For example, your Chimp may answer, “Being a millionaire defines success to me,” but your Human may answer, “Being happy defines success to me.” Of course the Human might argue that if you had a million dollars then you would be happy! Don’t be influenced by others, but work out what your Human and your Chimp define as success. Then decide if your Chimp’s ideas are truly acceptable.

Success can often be broken down into stages and celebrated at each stage. Your Chimp is very good at either rushing you to succeed, or procrastinating and stopping you from moving. Recognize this and deal with it by staging success.

Motivation versus commitment Motivation is Chimp-driven. It is a feeling based on emotion. Motivation generally happens when there is a great reward to gain or when you are suffering so badly that you want things to change. Motivation is helpful to drive us on but it is not essential to success. It is unrealistic to expect to “feel motivated” every day, no matter what you are doing. The problem with motivation is that it works on feelings from the Chimp and these can shift very quickly. Commitment, on the other hand, comes from the Human and does not depend on feelings. Commitment means following a plan even if you don’t feel like it that day. For example, a surgeon can’t say halfway through an operation, “Do you know, I just don’t feel motivated to finish this, so I’ll stop now!” Motivation doesn’t matter; it is commitment that will finish the operation.

The Commitment Screen explained In order to assess your commitment in a structured way, use the “Commitment Screen,” which is a list of questions to answer. The screen is composed of two aspects. The first aspect is working out what you will need to do the job. The second aspect is preparing solutions to overcome anything that might stop you from succeeding.

First aspect: What is needed for the job? We can break these requirements down into three types: Essential Significant Desirable

Second aspect: What are the challenges you might face? We can break these challenges down into three types: Hurdles Barriers Pitfalls

The Commitment Screen questions Here is a set of questions you can answer to cover the two aspects of the Commitment Screen. This will ensure that you are fully prepared to take on your dream. Is it really a dream? How important is this to you and your Chimp? Do you and your Chimp really want to achieve it? What are the benefits of achieving your dream? Are the benefits worth having, compared to the cost of getting there? The plans and requirements to fulfill the dream What plans have you made to achieve this? What have you tried in the past? If it failed in the past, why was this? What are you going to do that is different this time? What new strategies do you have for the future? What worked in the past? Have you made sure that your plans are watertight by letting someone else check them with you? What are the essential, significant and desirable requirements for both Human and Chimp for this plan to work? Do you have the essentials in place BEFORE you start? Hurdles, barriers and pitfalls Have you made a list of the hurdles you have to jump? Do you have a strategy for jumping each hurdle? What will you have to sacrifice? What are your plans for dealing with the downsides? What stresses will you face in trying to achieve this dream? What barriers do you think you will have to get around or negotiate on? What are your plans to avoid or get around each barrier? What pitfalls might you need to avoid? How will you recognize the pitfalls as you approach them? If you failed to...

The million-dollar question Be disciplined and not just organized. Anyone can organize, by making a plan. Very few people can carry out the plan because they do not have the self-discipline. If you feel you are stalling or making excuses and not getting the task done, ask yourself the million-dollar question. If you were given a million dollars to do the task before the end of the day, could you do it? If the answer is yes, I would definitely have it completed, then this means that it is possible to do it. It means that if you don’t do it by the end of the day, then any reason you offer as to why you didn’t do it is just an excuse for not being disciplined. It would suggest that you are not so serious in wanting to fulfill your dream.

Repainting the picture A Chimp will analyze situations by looking back and repainting the picture of what happened in order to put itself in a good light and with good intentions. It will also justify why it acted in the way it did in order to come out smelling of roses. This is well recognized and known as a self-serving bias.