Last Chance To See

by Douglas Adams

everything we were told in Indonesia turned out not to be true, sometimes almost immediately. The only exception to this was when we were told that something would happen immediately, in which case it turned out not to be true over an extended period of time.

I wasn’t disturbed so much by the ‘O Lord, we thank Thee for the blessing of this Thy day’, but ‘We commend our lives into Thy hands, O Lord’ is frankly not the sort of thing you want to hear from a pilot as his hand is reaching for the throttle.

The kakapo is a solitary creature: it doesn’t like other animals. It doesn’t even like the company of other kakapos. One conservation worker we met said he sometimes wondered if the mating call of the male didn’t actively repel the female, which is the sort of biological absurdity you otherwise only find in discotheques.

I’ve never understood all this fuss people make about the dawn. I’ve seen a few and they’re never as good as the photographs, which have the additional advantage of being things you can look at when you’re in the right frame of mind, which is usually about lunchtime.

I wondered if this was a good time to begin feeling a bit excited and optimistic about the outcome of the day’s expedition, but when I did it started to give me a headache so I stopped.

To my right, Mark was murmuring about what an honour it would be to be bitten by a kakapo, which was a point of view I could scarcely understand, but I let it pass.