The Christian Family

by Herman Bavinck

exaggerated value placed on material goods, all of which aroused among many people antipathy toward marriage and toward the burdens of a family.

both man and woman are created in God’s image, and that therefore both are human beings in the fullest sense of the term.

the question is so difficult to answer as to whether the woman possesses less of an aptitude for some activities and functions than the man.

attaching more value to the amenities of life than to abstract principles and rules.

The man strives for the truth of an idea, the woman pursues the reality of life.

A man and a woman are human beings before they are husband or wife. Marriage does not belong to the essence of being human.

Marriage is thus a temporary, provisional institution, and within marriage fruitfulness is limited to a part of life.

As a rule it does not depend on a person’s choice whether they will marry or not. Each person is driven by their own nature.

No time is as remarkable as that when love awakens and expands across all of life. Poets have sung about it, sages have thought about it, art and literature derive their richest motifs from it, and the heart of every person is full of it. The blossoming of the rose in the garden, the appearance of spring in the course of the seasons, the rising of the sun in nature are no more beautiful than the opening of the human heart to the luxuriousness of love.

On all these experiences marriage sets the crown. It is the apex of human life, the ultimate goal of years of effort, the victory after a long struggle, the destination of a long preparation.

Let us leave out of consideration those who already before marriage have lapped up lust like water and entered marriage with an impure heart and often with an unchaste body!

What must and can be expected from a marriage that long beforehand was defiled by various sins, entered after one’s best strength has been spent, and entered only on the basis of calculation?

The Christian sees adversities and crosses in marriage, which overcome us on account of sin, and accepts them as a means to exercise one’s faith.

the modern realist blames the circumstances, the institutions, the laws and ordinances, ultimately, God himself, while the Christian finds within his own heart the source of all impurity.

The great sin to which the husband is exposed in marriage is infidelity.

As long as the husband is not loving his wife according to this example, with voluntary, unswerving, self-sacrificial love, he has nothing to demand from her, as long as he has not kept the law.

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The benefit that God has bestowed upon the children of men with the gift of marriage is constantly sensed more deeply and savored more richly. At the beginning one doesn’t realize even a fraction of this; but as time progresses, and the years multiply, among the adventures and disappointments of life, the souls of husband and wife grow together more intimately, until marriage comes to be acknowledged more and more as the most precious and priceless gift of God on this sinful, thorn-covered earth, and the estate of marriage becomes a cause for worship and gratitude.

For this commandment teaches us that all unchastity is accursed by God and for that reason, we must despise it from the heart and live chastely and modestly, whether in the holy estate of marriage or outside of marriage.

The family is a school for the children, but in the first place it is a school for the parents.

the husband is still the head of the family and is clothed with authority, not by virtue of the approval of his wife and his children, but on his own account, by virtue of the right bestowed by God.

He is still instructor and teacher, insofar as he provides leadership to his wife and children by means of greater wisdom, wider experience, and clearer judgment.

the husband lives in society, the wife lives in her family; the husband exercises “power directed outward and influence directed inward,” the wife exercises “power directed inward and influence directed outward.”

Within the family she preserves order and peace, because she knows the character of each person and knows how to supply the needs of each.

For children are the glory of marriage, the treasure of parents, the wealth of family life.

The first duty of the state is to maintain the human race.

the family is more important than the school, that practice is more important than theory, and life is more important than instruction.

Everything is serviceable for nurturing each other day by day, hour by hour, without plan, without appointment, without technique, all of which are set beforehand.

A person’s becoming human occurs within the home; here the foundation is laid for the forming of the future man and woman, of the future father and mother, of the future member of society, of the future citizen, of the future subject in the kingdom of God.

Above the entrance to the history of humanity stands written this saying: “It is not good that the man should be alone” [Gen. 2:18]. From conception onward, a human being is a product of fellowship; every person is born from, and in, fellowship; persons are cared for and nurtured in the context of fellowship, and continue in some kind of fellowship throughout life, all the way to one’s final breath.

every family is a society in miniature.

dominion over the earth is an unfolding of the image of God in humanity.

which has as its goal the preservation and generation, the distribution and enjoyment, of various spiritual and material goods.

Had sin not entered the world, human society would probably have developed patriarchally and would have expanded as one large association of families. If, however, after the entrance of sin, the human race was to survive, the institution of the church and the state was necessary.

In its widest sense, culture is nothing else than subjugating the earth, saturating the material with the spirit, wielding and applying human knowledge and ability with respect to the world around us.

Work is rooted in human beings as rational beings and is a likeness of the work that God accomplishes through creation and providence.

being in need makes one resourceful, and that the hero is born amid struggle.

All work bears and ought to bear a human, that is, a rational and a moral character.

When religion and morality deteriorate among a nation, they drag down with them the best and most refined culture. Intellectual development, material prosperity, wealth, and luxury are in themselves excellent things; but when they are severed from the root of religion, they serve to advance evil far more than they arrest and restrain it. No enduring civilization exists without a healthy religious and moral life.

The musical instrument known as the organ corresponds to our lungs, the pump resembles our heart.

Nowadays people shift all the blame from themselves and assign it to the terrible organization of society. Improve society, so they say, and you will automatically make people happy and good!

Current society displays in every respect the greatest inequality and the richest diversity, far greater inequality and diversity than its opponents usually imagine. For they divide society actually into only two classes: the filthy rich and the dirt poor, the superpowerful and the powerless, the abusers and the abused, tyrants and slaves.

what a cheerfulness of spirit is needed in order to move forward joyfully and gratefully, as one should, to create delight and joy in one’s work!

Not one of the somber prophecies uttered by the leaders of socialism concerning the development of society has come to pass. The industrial revolution has been accompanied not by a decrease but an increase in the number of businesses.

In the family we get to know the secret of life, the secret, namely, that not selfishness but self-denial and self-sacrifice, dedication and love, constitute the rich content of human living.

women are being trained much more with a view to other things than for housekeeping, and on the other hand, housekeepers are pursuing a different social position and want to identify their service more in terms of a professional position.

People cannot create anything, the foundations of society were laid once and for all by God himself; but on those foundations people can build further and restore what needs restoring.

But 90 percent of women still always opt for that home servitude far rather than working in this or that company.

The actual hardcore feminists are few in number; their zeal for the political and economic equality of women with men finds very weak support among married women; if the law would grant suffrage to women, the result would be that most women would abstain from voting, even as in fact thousands of men already do.

The woman who remains unmarried will thus be able to achieve her vocation and fulfill her calling best if she obtains the kind of employment that is connected as much as possible with family life.

in our country about 95 percent of women older than twenty get married, and most marriages by far are blessed with children.