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He hasn’t lost that look in his eye—the one that seems to kiss my soul and trap me altogether.
He’s a lifeline I cannot quantify or articulate. I depend on him more than any girl should depend on a boy, but he’s been the backbone of my life. Without him, I will fall.
“What’s going to happen,” he breathes, “is that I’m going to carry you through this door. I’m going to draw out every single moment until you’re exhausted. And I’m going to move so slow that three months ago will feel like yesterday. And tomorrow will feel like today, and no one in this fucking universe will be able to say your name without saying mine.”
Ryke hangs back, but if Aaron even raises a fist, he’d be right by my side. That kind of support feels good. I’ve never once had that. Growing up, I always took the beating or found an escape. Fights were always me against a million. No one was in my corner.
“You touch her, you even think about her, and I’ll have you in the ground before you can say thank you, Loren Hale. You go to the media, the press, and I will ruin you, starting with your soccer career. You don’t even know who I am, you motherfucker.”
“I don’t know how to live without you.” And I shake my head quickly as tears pool. “And I don’t want to know how. I don’t want to find out.”
He is my breath. My soul. My life-force. I have spent forever with him. Being apart is the most unnatural feeling in the world. Three months—I could handle that like a bad itch. Forever without him? Just kill me now.
“I will never learn how to live without you. I couldn’t fucking bear it.”
He is as much a part of me as the sun is a part of the sky, as the Earth is to the universe.
Lily turns to face me, and I am lost for a minute in her eyes. I suddenly realize that I’m scared of everything.
I have so many regrets. I don’t believe anyone who says they don’t. How can you live life making mistakes and never wish you could take one back?
Do you know what that’s like—to defend someone so vehemently out of love and then realize they were no more innocent than the man you hated? It fucking sucks.”
I’ve learned a lot about myself being sober. I guess I’m kind of protective of Lily, Daisy, and even Rose.
“Because I think she loves you more than she loves sex. And you love her more than you love alcohol, but you two just haven’t let yourselves believe it yet.”
“I owe them—” “For tarnishing the Fizzle name? For bringing you up with cash and luxury?” He keeps shaking his head. “You and Lo have it so warped. You think you’re indebted to your parents because they gave you everything you have. But they didn’t give you what fucking mattered. They owe you. They owe you for not asking why their daughter isn’t home. Why she looks distant and sad. Why she has barricaded herself in a fucking apartment with her boyfriend. They have failed you, and if they tell you to get on a fucking plane or go to rehab—where we all know you shouldn’t be—then you need to tell
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And then one thought punctures me. I’m here. I could be at a bar. Passed out cold. I could be in rehab. Away from her. I have the chance to be by her side through all of this. So go, you stupid bastard. That’s what it takes. I’m out the door.
“One day, you're going to have to make a choice. You have to decide what kind of man you want to grow up to be. Whoever that man is, good character or bad, is going to change the world.” – JONATHAN KENT, MAN OF STEEL
“And when I find the leak, he’s going to wish that he never fucked with our family. I can promise you that.”
“You would listen to him? Rose, I’ve known you longer.” “He knows me better.”
“Oh, Lily,” she says, “we have lots to talk about.” Yes, we do. I know what good guidance looks like now, and I’ll never let it go. I wipe my eyes, about to tell her that I want to reinstate our sessions. But something else tumbles from my mouth. “Do you think I can call you Allison?” “I’d like that very much.”
“But that day, you said you aspired to be Cyclops. Scott Summers was strong. He took care of everyone in the face of crisis. He was a man that people wanted by their side.” Her voice shakes too, like she’s near tears. “Lo,” she says, “you’ve made it. You’re my Scott Summers, and without you, I wouldn’t be here.”
“Having money doesn’t make you an unfeeling automaton. You’re human. You can still have problems. The difference is that you have the ability to fix them. You just have to want to. Not everyone can receive the same help you can or afford the rehab facility you went to.” My stomach curdles at the truth. “But that doesn’t mean your recovery can’t be difficult. It doesn’t mean that what people say on TV or in the tabloids doesn’t hurt as much. You still bleed like the rest of us. You can cry. You can be upset. That right has not been taken from you.”
“Sometimes the person we think we’ll become is the person we already are, and the person we truly become is the person we least expect.”
“My mother fucking ruined your life! None of this would have happened if it weren’t for—” And then Lo pulls him to his chest, for a hug. Ryke hesitates for a second, and I wonder if he’s going to release his aggression on Lo by punching him. Instead, he fists the back of Lo’s shirt, and they stay like that, with Ryke choking, with his body vibrating in agony and guilt, and Lo clutching tightly, not letting go. “It’s not your fault,” Lo says, holding onto his older brother.
My eyes!
“Listen to me,” Lo breathes in his ear. “Meeting you was the best thing that’s ever happened to us. I’m sober and Lily’s in recovery. None of that would have been possible if it wasn’t for you.” He shakes Ryke, and a tear slips out of Lo’s eye. “You are the fucking reason I’m with the girl I love; you’re my brother, so don’t you ever feel guilty for what’s happened now. That’s not on you.”
And through the silence, I hear the words that pass between them. You’re my family.
My father didn’t tell me that Sara Hale was the leak to protect himself. Or me. He was protecting Ryke.
I set my sights on Lily again. She is my past, my present, my future. So when I open the door and slide into the driver’s seat, I’m not surprised that it feels like I’m returning home.
Red petals decorate the bedroom floor while burning candles flicker on the dresser and nightstand. It’s simple and perfect. I drop to my knee.
