For Married Men Only: Three Principles for Loving Your Wife (Tony Evans Speaks Out On...)

by Tony Evans

so many people are having so much trouble in their marriages today is that they are marrying sociologically instead of theologically.

Ephesians 5:33

"So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." - Ephesians 5:33 NLT http://bible.com/116/eph.5.33.NLT

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Husbands are commanded to love their wives, and wives are commanded to respect their husbands.

Ephesians 5:25–31

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” - Ephesians 5:25‭-‬31 NLT http://bible.com/116/eph.5.25-31.NLT

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church”

The biblical concept of agape love involves giving of yourself for the benefit of another, even at your own expense.

Love really has nothing to do with whether you feel loving at a particular moment. It has to do with the need of the person being loved, not the feelings of the one doing the loving.

we need to find out how Christ loves the church because that’s the standard we husbands need to attain before we can legitimately be classified as lovers.

sacrifice, suffering, and substitution.

You don’t get the crown without the cross.

sacrificing of our desires, opinions, preferences, and plans for our wives.

Sacrificing for our wives involves being willing to nail our desires and our agenda to the cross to love our wives and meet their needs.

If I gave your wife a piece of paper and asked her to list what you have given up that’s of value to you because of what she needs, desires, or cherishes, how long would her list be?

our sacrifice should be visible as well as verbal.

Sacrifice involves what is best for the other person, not necessarily what is best for us.

We love by choice, not by feeling.

Biblical love is generated by the need of the person being loved, not necessarily the feelings or wishes of the one doing the loving.

Too many marriages are hurting because there is no sacrifice involved.

Sacrifice brings suffering.

for husbands this includes dying to our plans and our preferences in order to love our wives as ourselves.

a husband needs to keep on loving his wife regardless of whether she appreciates or even deserves his sacrifice.

Jesus didn’t say that if we would treat Him right, He would love us. He loved us even when we were ignoring Him and trampling His love in the dirt.

when we start putting conditions on our love, we have redefined love and taken it away from the biblical meaning.

This means there will be occasions when a husband may feel justified in insisting that he is right. But the emotional fallout from taking that position far outweighs the momentary satisfaction of saying, “I’m right, and you know it.”

There’s such a thing as winning the momentary battle and losing the marital war.

Men want to be right, but substitution says being right isn’t the issue.

God has commanded us to love our wives even when they don’t deserve it—for

we need to love our wives the most when they deserve it the least.

In marriage, if a wife does something that is wrong that brings about negative consequences as a result, a husband should not only seek to forgive his wife, but also to cover her through taking ownership of the consequences.

Women are responders. They are wired to respond positively to love, attention, and caring.

Men, if you want to see your wife blossom into a loving, responsive mate, the marital ball is in your court.

Ephesians 5:26–27.

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. - Ephesians 5:25‭-‬27 NLT http://bible.com/116/eph.5.25-27.NLT

To sanctify someone or something means to set it apart from common or ordinary usage for a special purpose—to make it holy.

when a man marries a woman, he sets her apart from her past and unto

a future that he has promised to her.

1 Corinthians 7:14).

For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. - 1 Corinthians 7:14 NLT http://bible.com/116/1co.7.14.NLT

before you think about departing a troubled marriage, men, think about the impact on your family.

We have a generation of children with no fathers living at home, and so they are going off in all kinds of wrong directions.

if your wife isn’t responding to you and encouraging you and following your leadership in the home, maybe it’s because you haven’t been to the cross for her yet.

The goal of sanctification is to change us from something we are into something we ought to be,

A husband is called to die to his own plans and desires so he can serve and love his wife.

Salvation is instantaneous; sanctification is a lifelong process

a husband is to function as his wife’s pastor.

Women are wired to respond to loving leadership.

all of us are dragging around remnants of a distorted view of life through a tainted soul.

The purpose of the church is to minister the Word of God to its people in such a way that the Word does its work of pruning and convicting and shaping them into the image of Christ.

Men, you are the pastor of your home.

he should be growing in his knowledge of the Word to the point that he can open the Bible at home and guide his wife and family.