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“If I can’t understand something after an honest effort, there is a good chance that the words are hiding crucial information.”
A steady stream of words can serve as a manic defense, distracting us from painful or anxiety-provoking feelings.
to give your client three messages: this defense was once very important, but now it is hurting you, and it may no longer be necessary.
Overall, it is important to move therapy in the direction of process instead of content interpretations.
we all have multiple, simultaneous realities superimposed one upon another in our day-to-day experience.
If the first order of business is awareness, the second is understanding and growth.
Be aware of the things you feel an urge to share and the feelings behind them; you may uncover reactions you have to them of which you were unaware.
You will find that maintaining confidentiality will make you more certain of your own maturity and professionalism, while deepening your sense of personal integrity.
COUNTERTRANSFERENCE MANIFESTS in psychotherapy when our learning histories, coping strategies, and defenses interfere with our objectivity and adherence to the treatment contract.
Being a good-enough therapist cannot mean the absence of countertransference—it can only mean having the skills to identify and work with it when it arises.
upset her client by confronting, interpreting, or asking for clarification because, at an emotional level, she was trying to figure out whom her client wanted her to be.
Where we are born is the worst kind of crap shoot. —ANN PATCHETT
The motivation to help others comes from the combined needs to regulate others and heal ourselves.
this way, the parents’ anxiety is converted into the child’s shameful self-image.
Pathological caretaking is a specific manifestation of a disturbance of self we refer to as narcissism.
These are the children who come to be called “codependent” and make up the bulk of service professions as doctors, nurses, social workers, and therapists. Although the gifted children described by Miller may look quite functional, they often feel empty and devoid of vitality. Because their vitality and true self are
“All this consciousness raising, all this pain and discomfort, where does it get me?” The short answer is: “What you resist persists”
On the other hand, many students move into careers as therapists with a deeper appreciation of their history and predilections and a growing ability to take care of themselves.
pathological caretaking and self-denial.
“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Like a marathon runner, I needed to learn to pace myself, conserve energy, and focus on the process instead of the goal.
Other signs of overwork might be not engaging in enjoyable activities, isolating yourself from friends and family, and finding it difficult to stop from time to time in order to relax. Not coincidentally, these are also signs of depression.
get to know people who are doing what you think you want to do, and then spend as much time with them as possible. Get guidance and advice from people who share your interests, personality, and energy level. Ask lots of questions about lifestyle, income, stress, schedule, bureaucratic demands, and vacation time. These are the nuts and bolts of a career, and more
Ultimately, the four major modes of therapy are all important; we need to consider the individual and the family, the conscious and the unconscious, cognitions and emotions. So why choose? Use them, integrate them into your treatment,
you to think of psychotherapy not simply as a profession but a calling, a lifestyle, and a vehicle of personal growth. Therapists are people looking for answers.
