More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Never, never, for the sake of peace, deny your own experience. —DAG HAMMARSKOLD
Never, never, for the sake of peace, deny your own experience. —DAG HAMMARSKOLD
• No matter what happens, don’t panic; • The client is more nervous than you are; • If you don’t know what’s happening, keep quiet until you do; • The client will assume you know what you’re doing; and, most importantly, • Just make it through the hour!
• No matter what happens, don’t panic; • The client is more nervous than you are; • If you don’t know what’s happening, keep quiet until you do; • The client will assume you know what you’re doing; and, most importantly, • Just make it through the hour!
The beginning of a new career is a time when imagination and reality collide, when our fantasies are put to the test in the light of day and in the presence of witnesses. If you are reading this book, you have likely arrived at such a point in your life.
The beginning of a new career is a time when imagination and reality collide, when our fantasies are put to the test in the light of day and in the presence of witnesses. If you are reading this book, you have likely arrived at such a point in your life.
not just your intellect that gets tested, but also your judgment, empathy, and maturity. Becoming a psychotherapist is indeed a challenge to both heart and soul.
not just your intellect that gets tested, but also your judgment, empathy, and maturity. Becoming a psychotherapist is indeed a challenge to both heart and soul.
When we begin training, we embark on two simultaneous journeys: one outward into the professional world and the other inward, through the labyrinths of our own psyches.
When we begin training, we embark on two simultaneous journeys: one outward into the professional world and the other inward, through the labyrinths of our own psyches.
A therapist, unlike an accountant or engineer, does not have the choice to do his work disconnected from personal experience and deep emotions. The private personal world of the therapist is, in fact, one of our most important tools. What we don’t know about ourselves won’t just hurt us, it will negatively affect the therapeutic relationship.
A therapist, unlike an accountant or engineer, does not have the choice to do his work disconnected from personal experience and deep emotions. The private personal world of the therapist is, in fact, one of our most important tools. What we don’t know about ourselves won’t just hurt us, it will negatively affect the therapeutic relationship.
brief therapy and psychopharmacology have taken center stage.
Countertransference is distortion of the therapy relationship that occurs because of the therapist’s unconscious. The therapist’s countertransference can usually be traced to common human struggles with shame, attachment, and fear of abandonment. The power of these primal experiences causes us to unconsciously mix up our own emotional struggles with those of our clients.
I hereby give you permission to start off not knowing a single thing about how to do psychotherapy. Try to relax, remember to breathe, and take the time to learn. If nothing else, just make it through the book! Let us now embark on the inner journey.
What makes a good therapist is personal courage; the courage to face one’s fears, limitations, and confusion.
Then there is the fact that we therapists tend to come from families in which emotional conflicts interfered with our getting the help and guidance we needed while growing up. Most therapists grew up struggling to be loved and accepted by others.
would present my successes, downplay my failures, and hide my confusion.
only enhanced my sense of being a fraud.
Buddhists describe the self as an endlessly peeling onion, every discovery revealing new layers to explore and uncover. This has certainly been my experience as I am repeatedly awakened to new discoveries of my own ignorance. A good therapist is not perfect but simply a person dedicated to ongoing self-discovery and lifelong learning. We continue to live and grow with and through our limitations.
ignorance is the door to new learning.
Socrates assumed that the oracle was mistaken; he was certain of his own ignorance. It later dawned on him, while watching the folly of those convinced of their knowledge, that the oracle recognized his awareness of his ignorance as wisdom.
Compare where you are now to where you were 6 months ago.
Your ignorance is not a bottomless pit, it is a container to be filled with knowledge and experience.
“It’s not about you knowing what your client should do, it’s about you providing a relationship in which he can discover himself.” I suggested that instead of coming up with answers, he try to share how his client made him feel.
Many of us harbor the fantasy that we will walk into a therapy session, save the client from suffering, and take the therapeutic world by storm.
If you answered yes to any of these questions, it is time to reexamine your feelings, motivations, and assumptions about being a therapist.
My adherence to a system made me feel like I knew what I was doing at the cost of having an authentic connection with my client.
to keep an open mind despite the attempts of others to close it.
Knowledge of a variety of perspectives is the best defense against false certainty.
To accept our clients, we have to first learn to accept ourselves. This can be the biggest challenge of all.
ability to get centered, stay focused, and listen.
Your relationship with a client begins the moment you receive the initial call to set up an appointment.
Have you been in therapy before? • What was it like for you? • What do you think of therapy and therapists? • Do you know other people who have been helped or hurt by therapy? • What do you hope to get from our time together?
Our clients need us to be strong and centered enough to withstand criticism and attacks that we may not deserve.
Allow extra time to get to your office so you don’t arrive anxious or tense. • Think of the 5 minutes before each session as a time to relax and get centered. • Schedule breaks during the day for rest, reading, or social contacts. • Don’t overbook your week—avoid emotional and physical exhaustion. • Monitor your emotional and physical state and adjust your schedule when needed.
Pay special attention to your consulting room. Create an environment in which you feel comfortable and surround yourself with the kinds of things that remind you to be calm and mindful. Comfortable furniture, pillows, and soft lighting contribute to an atmosphere of reflection and contemplation. I have a painting of children playing quietly at the beach, old books, and antique furniture to communicate consistency, solidity, and caring to my clients. I keep candles in my office and a small stereo to help me relax between sessions. I’ll take the time to relax by stretching, reading the
...more
Are you able to tune out distractions? • Do you avoid interrupting your clients? • Do you communicate interest through your body language and facial expressions? • Do you read between the lines and hear the emotions behind the words? Pay attention to these listening skills during sessions and when listening to tape recordings of your work.
Focus on exploring their experience of you in that moment. Ask about their thoughts, feelings, suspicions, and fears.
Ask them what they think is on your mind. Ask them if they have any memories of previous experiences where these same feelings were evoked.
The things most people need to learn in therapy are related to attachment, abandonment, love, and fear. We are trying to access basic emotional processes that are organized in primitive and early-developing parts of the brain.
Your style should be to get quickly to the point and stop. The clarity, brevity, and accuracy of a statement, combined with the silence that follows, increases its impact.
By stating an emotion and then getting out of the way of your clients’ experience, you allow them to remain centered in their own experience.
Therapeutically unhelpful communication styles, such as an overly intellectual approach, constant interpretation, or diagnosing every move a client makes protect us from our own uncomfortable emotions but do little to help our clients.
Having a label provides an avenue of escape from confusion and makes us feel momentarily competent. But a label is not a cure and is only useful if it leads to helpful interventions.
It is a far more difficult task to take the time necessary to get to know someone in order to discover what they might need.
Currently, most psychotherapists use theories and techniques that fall into one of four general orientations: family systems, cognitive behavioral, psychodynamic, and client-centered or existential-humanistic.
designed to lessen suffering, reduce symptoms, and increase a client’s ability to cope with the stressors of life.
we tend to learn best when supported by a nurturing relationship with an empathic other, while being encouraged to confront life’s challenges.
Each form of psychotherapy strives to create a personal experience designed to: • Examine assumptions and beliefs • Expand awareness • Increase reality testing • Aid in confronting anxiety-provoking experiences • Modify negative self-talk • Develop a new and more adaptive life narrative
