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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Gary Chapman
Read between
November 5 - November 24, 2021
The second key component for an effective expression of appreciation through tangible gifts is: You must give a gift the person values.
Many companies give coffee mugs, calendars, pens with company information, or similar gifts to their clients or customers. While this may be good publicity for the company, these are not generally seen as gifts of appreciation.
But in a big company, they can't individualize each gift. This seems to be a local approach more than any other.
Being given the privilege of leaving work early or getting some time off when a large project is completed can be an extremely effective gift.
“I feel important when someone gives me a firm handshake as a means of communicating ‘Job well done.’” • “I feel appreciated when someone gives me a ‘high five’ when I have done a good job.” • “A simple pat on the back by a supportive friend inspires me to persevere through a difficult task.” • “I know I am appreciated when a coworker stands by me and puts their hand on my shoulder while giving me a verbal compliment.” • “When a personal tragedy occurs, I appreciate a hug from a coworker.”
However, the appropriateness of these actions depends on the person, the type of work relationship, and the organizational subculture in which it occurs.
This is very important to articulate.
We found that not one person had Physical Touch as their primary language of appreciation in the workplace. Frequently, it was the least important language for respondents.
guess that we don’t trust letting people know the fact that we all like to be touched because we are afraid that people will misinterpret it. So we sit back in loneliness and physical isolation.”
Yes, we do. But give the social and professional climate, we have to find other ways to fill this void, I think.
Especially when we work from home now.
pat on the back, a quick handshake, or a high five are examples of implicit touches and are common expressions of physical touch in some work settings. Explicit
Jon and his high fives.
I want touch in personal relationships, but not at work.
highlighted the danger of touching a member of the opposite sex
It does not have to be opposite sex.
we all need to be cautious in the use of appropriate physical touch in our workplace relationships.
No shit.
By nature, we all tend to speak our own language of appreciation. If Acts of Service make me feel appreciated, then I will be known as an acts of service person.
Conversely, if I do what comes naturally, the language of appreciation that is least valued by me will seldom be spoken.
While recognition focuses primarily on performance or the achievement of certain goals, appreciation focuses on the value of the individual employee.
Isn’t there a place for appreciation even when someone messes up? Otherwise, it seems appreciation becomes totally performance-based.” We completely agree with this perspective.
The rewards most often offered in programs of employee recognition typically include only two of the languages of appreciation: Words of Affirmation and Tangible Gifts.
Leaves out other languages and embarrasses about 40% of people.
Too often employee recognition is implemented in an impersonal, top-down corporate policy approach. Employees know that the program is generated by upper-level management, rather than being personal and individualized. Even more problematic is the skepticism this approach can create as to the genuineness of the appreciation communicated.
Email with gift card last week.
Lastly, an additional downside to the recognition/award approach is the cost involved. In today’s financial climate, many organizations, especially nonprofit organizations, schools, ministries, and social service agencies, do not have the funds available
We want to begin by saying that we believe one’s primary appreciation language tends to stay the primary language throughout a lifetime. It is like many other personality traits.
two situations in which one’s primary language of appreciation may tend to shift in importance.
First, one’s current life stage and life circumstances can have an impact.
So how do you know when a person’s primary language of appreciation may have changed for a season or that their action steps have shifted in importance? Sometimes you can observe it by simply acknowledging their present circumstances.
revisit these action steps semiannually and provide new information as to ways that might make them feel appreciated.
shares how meaningful his visit and words were, the supervisor will now know that Quality Time with Words of Affirmation are more meaningful than mere public recognition.
our purposes is that a person’s primary language of appreciation may shift, depending on the person to whom they are relating. For example, what they desire from a colleague may differ somewhat from what they desire from a supervisor.
The question is not, “Do you appreciate your coworkers?” The real question is, “Do they feel appreciated?”
number one most frequent reason that appreciation is not a regular part of communication is the busyness of the team members.
Without available mental, physical, and emotional space, nothing will change.
CHALLENGE #2: THE BELIEF THAT COMMUNICATING APPRECIATION IS NOT IMPORTANT FOR YOUR ORGANIZATION
This doesn't seem to be a problem, it's whether or not it's authentic.
What we have found is that the type of business or organization is not an important factor. The real issue is the mindset of the owner, director, or supervisor.
CHALLENGE #3: FEELING OVERWHELMED WITH EXISTING RESPONSIBILITIES
CHALLENGE #4: STRUCTURAL AND LOGISTICAL ISSUES
Sometimes there are logistical issues that interfere with the process of sharing appreciation for others. Varying schedules, few natural opportunities for interaction, working on different projects, and nonmatching vacations often make it difficult to express appreciation to certain coworkers. There can also be structural challenges to overcome. Those who work in larger corporations point out that some managers are responsible for ten or more direct reports. Obviously, the larger the number of people for whom you are responsible, the greater effort it will take to keep up with their individual
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CHALLENGE #5: PERSONAL DISCOMFORT WITH COMMUNICATING APPRECIATION
A second group of persons who express discomfort are those who are more introverted, less socially skilled, or not as relationally oriented. For these individuals, the task is to find the acts of encouragement and appreciation within the general parameters of their comfort zone.
If you find yourself dissatisfied with the performance level of a number of people who work under your supervision, it would be wise to take an honest self-assessment and see if you have unrealistically high expectations.
A manager has no way of knowing what is motivating poor performance unless the manager asks the employee. Many managers do not like confrontation and will go for months avoiding the issue of a low-performing employee.
Well, I can say that I keep my manager informed about what's going on with me.
Another reason people do not perform satisfactorily is that they have not been adequately trained for their responsibilities.
This can be a problem or concern with remote working.
A third common reason for low job performance is that the organization does not have in place an effective process for review, feedback, instruction, and correction.
here are three informal ways of discovering the primary appreciation language of your colleagues: 1. Observe their behavior.
They are doing for others what they wish others would do for them.
2. Observe what they request of others.
3. Listen to their complaints.
acknowledging that enjoying one’s work is a gift given by our Creator.
