Time to Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind

by Nancy Kline

Questions help to puncture denial. A few powerful ones are: What is in my face that I am not facing? What is the worst thing that can happen if I face this? What is the worst thing that can happen if I don’t? What am I assuming that makes me turn away from this?

‘What do you already know that you are going to find out in a year?’ This question requires you to supply and face your own information. Ask it at the beginning of any relationship or enterprise or change.

What would have to change about your work space (especially if you are ‘hot desking’), or even your home, for it to say back to you, ‘You matter’?

‘If you knew that working-class, Glaswegian, Catholic females are good enough and can think, what would you do to write the proposal this afternoon?’

We were talking about the assumption that ‘real men’ take over and talk, that they do not easily settle in with someone and give them profound levels of attention.

Our job, it would seem to me, is not to get the girls out of the jobs but to get the male conditioning out of the boys. I would like to see us stop the conditioning of boys in our lifetime.

‘What are we assuming that could be limiting our ideas here?’

‘If all the current leaders of this department were to fall under a bus, and you were appointed leader, what would be the first thing you would do to recruit and keep female engineers?’

everyone has a turn to speak, several times, knowing they will not be interrupted.

People think better throughout the whole meeting if the very first thing they do is to say something true and positive about how their work or the work of the group is going.

To provide a full picture of reality it is necessary to get people from the beginning to articulate what is truly going well. Focusing on the positive first sets up better thinking conditions for dealing later with the problems.

Three good questions are: ‘What is going well in your work or life?’, ‘What successes have you had since we last met?’ and ‘What do you think is going well in our project?’

Let the second round be ideas about the first agenda item. State the agenda item clearly. Then go round the group to get each person’s ideas. Be clear that no one speaks again until everyone has had a turn.

Discuss freely, but let each other finish.

What might we be assuming that could be limiting our thinking here? If we assumed something more freeing, what new ideas might we have?

At several points, including after Thinking Partnerships, do another round of the group. Give everyone a turn to speak again without interruption. You will be surprised and pleased at how productive this very, very simple process is.

like: ‘What do you think went well in the meeting?’ Regardless of how difficult the meeting was and regardless of how low the spirits of the group might be at the close of business, to articulate what was good about the meeting, truthfully, will brighten the group, remind each person of what is true and good between them, and re-ignite the group’s energy.

‘What is one quality that you respect in the person sitting on your right?’

Timed Talk at a Glance

Set a timer for three minutes. Take turns talking, three minutes each. Take as many turns as necessary to resolve the issue.

Do not interrupt each other or take over each other’s turn, no matter what.

Avoid saying things you will regret. Breathe out.

After the presentation is complete, the chair asks first for comments on what was useful from the presentation, demonstrating this by being first to speak.

What do you think has been good in this presentation, and what in particular do you respect in the presenting team?

What do you think you have accomplished in this period? What has gone particularly well? What are you proud of? What have you discovered about yourself? What is the key thing that you want to improve?

What might you be assuming that could stop you?

If it were entirely up to you, what would you like to see improve in our working relationship?

You have to understand that change means loss and loss requires grieving.

Listen, listen, listen. 5 Appreciate their good work.

Advice or direction or ideas from the mentor are not always inappropriate, but they should come as a very last resort, after the person has had an uninterrupted turn to speak freely, remove their own limiting assumptions and find their own ideas.

Listen as if your leadership life depended on it. It does. When you make mistakes, listen to the effects of them. Apologize. Correct them. Appreciate five times more than you criticize. Stop competing with your colleagues. Encourage their excellence. Trust that your own will be evident.

What do you really think? 2 If you were in my position, what would you do with this company that I am not doing?

At the end of your career in this organization, what do you want to say you have achieved here when you look back?

If you were not holding back, what would you be doing?

What do I assume about myself most of the time that is limiting my leadership? If I were to assume something more liberating, what would change? 2 If I weren’t afraid, what would I be risking? 3 If I already knew that I am good and admired, how would I champion others today?

Leaders create. A creator’s best tool is a Thinking Environment.

The brilliant executive coach is the one who brings out the brilliance of the client.

Coaches need to realize that the brilliant person is the client. The coach’s job is to help the client discover that.

Ironically, by bringing out the brilliance in the client, you as coach will be seen as the brilliant one.

Each of us matters, but what we create matters too, and how we treat our creation determines how it will treat us. We depend on each other. We are both.

The six-part Thinking Session is a formal discipline,

It can seem ‘artificial’ because in its natural form in everyday life it rarely has a chance to complete itself before someone ramrods it with interruption and advice.

“If you knew that you can handle anything Mark might do or say, what change would you propose to your boss?”

‘What is your positive opposite of “have no control over my life”?’

‘If you knew that you are the only one who does have control over your life, what would you do to live differently?’

don’t tell them to continue, ask them. Ask them this question: ‘Is there anything more you think or feel or want to say?’

In the presence of the question, the mind thinks again.

It may seem to you a stupid question. Why, if the Thinker just said that was all, would you ask them if there is anything more? Won’t they then suspect you were not listening to them? No: the Thinker does not register the question as stupid but as permission to keep thinking.

When you are listening, keep your eyes on their eyes.

Don’t even think about interrupting.