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Happiness is not just a matter of feeling good. If it were, drug abusers would be the happiest people on the planet.
the more we try to find happiness, the more we suffer.
Our modern-day minds are continually warning us of rejection and comparing us against the rest of society.
if we succeed, if we actually get more money or a newer car or a better job, then we’re satisfied— for a while. But sooner or later (and usually sooner), we end up wanting more.
evolution has shaped our minds so that we are almost inevitably destined to suffer psychologically: to compare, evaluate and criticise ourselves; to focus on what we’re lacking; to be dissatisfied with what we have;
the harder we pursue pleasurable feelings, the more we are likely to suffer from anxiety and depression.
life involves pain. There’s no getting away from it.
ACT proposes that the normal thinking processes of a healthy human mind will naturally lead to psychological suffering.
men are much worse than women at admitting their deepest concerns because men are taught to be stoic: to bottle up their feelings and hide them. After all, big boys don’t cry.
They take up a lot of time and energy and are usually ineffective in the long run. 2. We feel silly, defective, or weak-minded because the thoughts/feelings we’re trying to get rid of keep coming back. 3. Many strategies that decrease unpleasant feelings in the short-term actually lower our quality of life over the long term.
Experiential avoidance means the tendency to keep trying to avoid, change or get rid of your unwanted thoughts and feelings—even when doing so is harmful, costly, useless or destructive. Experiential avoidance is a major cause of depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol addiction, eating disorders
happiness trap in a nutshell: to find happiness, we try to avoid or get rid of bad feelings—but the harder we try, the more bad feelings we create.
Cognitive fusion tells us that thoughts are the truth and very important. Cognitive defusion reminds us that thoughts are just words.
Defusion is aimed at freeing us from oppression by our minds; freeing up our time, energy and attention so we can invest it in meaningful activities rather than dwelling uselessly on our thoughts.
Develop the courage to solve those problems that can be solved, the serenity to accept those problems that can’t be solved, and the wisdom to know the difference.
sadness is painful, it’s an important part of you. It’s directly connected to your ability to love deeply.
Urge surfing is a simple but effective technique in which we treat our urges like waves; that is, we surf them until they dissipate. The term was coined back in the 1980s by psychologists Alan Marlatt and Judith Gordon, as part of their groundbreaking work with drug addiction.
If you’re living a goal-focused life, then no matter what you have, it’s never enough. Not so with the values-focused life, because your values are always available to you, no matter what your circumstance.
Defusion:
Expansion:
Connection:
The Observing Self:
Values:
Committed Action:
