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January 5 - February 13, 2018
G R O W, without the context of awareness and responsibility and the skill of questioning to generate them, has little value.
The end goal may provide the inspiration, but the performance goal defines the specification.
“How much are you willing to invest in the process?” is a question I often ask in the goal-setting stage of coaching for any activity. I call this the process or even the work goal.
If a goal is not realistic there is no hope, but if it is not challenging there is no motivation. So there is an envelope here into which all goals should fit.
We tend to get what we focus on. If we fear failure, we are focused on failure and that is what we get
Coaching aims to eliminate both the external and the internal obstacles to achievement of a goal
Even if goals can be only loosely defined before the situation is looked at in some detail, this needs to be done first. Then, when the reality is clear, the goals can be brought into sharper focus, or even altered if the situation turns out to be a little different from what was previously thought.
Awareness is perceiving things as they really are; self-awareness is recognizing those internal factors that distort one’s own perception of reality.
The coach should use, and as far as possible encourage the coachee to use, descriptive terminology rather than evaluative terminology.
Description adds value, criticism usually detracts.
We have a measure of choice and control over what we are aware of, but what we are unaware of controls us.
When a subordinate begins to see his manager as a support rather than a threat, he will be much happier to raise his problems. When this happens, honest diagnosis and dialog are possible, leading to early resolution.
Problems must be addressed at the level beneath that at which they show themselves, if they are to be permanently eliminated.
Persistent stress, for example, may be reduced by identifying bodily tensions; by evoking awareness of the feelings that fuel overwork; by uncovering mental attitudes such as perfectionism.
A coach may become aware of probing deeper into a coachee’s hidden drives and motives than anticipated. That is the nature of coaching: it addresses cause, not merely symptom.
The reality questions especially need to follow the “watch the ball” guidelines discussed earlier. Here they are repeated in slightly different terms. They are as follows: The demand for an answer is essential to compel the coachee to think, to examine, to look, to feel, to be engaged. The questions need to demand high-resolution focus to obtain the detail of high-quality input. The reality answers sought should be descriptive not judgmental, to ensure honesty and accuracy. The answers must be of sufficient quality and frequency to provide the coach with a feedback loop.
How and why should be used only sparingly or when no other phrase will suffice. These two words invite analysis and opinion, as well as defensiveness, whereas the interrogatives seek facts.
One reality question that seldom fails to contribute value is “What action have you taken on this so far?” followed by “What were the effects of that action?” This serves to emphasize the value of action, and the difference between action and thinking about problems. Often people have thought about problems for ages, but only when asked what they have done about them do they realize that they have actually taken no action at all.
The value of this is such that coaches should be willing to dwell sufficiently long in goals and reality and resist the temptation to rush on into options prematurely.
You see how focusing the attention internally clears up problem areas, leads to relaxation, and is so interesting that boredom is eliminated. It turns a chore into a pleasure.
Exactly what prayer does :')
When you are sure that you have no more ideas, just come up with one more
If preferences, censorship, ridicule, obstacles, or the need for completeness are expressed during the collection process, potentially valuable contributions will be missed and the choices will be limited.
It is up to the coach to tie the coachee down to exact timings. The coachee may wriggle, but a good coach will not let him off the hook.
Disruptive external scenarios might be looming, but internal ones could also occur, such as the faintheartedness of the coachee. Some people experience a shrinking commitment and just can’t wait for an obstacle to appear and provide them with an excuse for noncompletion. This can be pre-empted by the coaching process.
In time we begin to feel appropriately guilty but still nothing happens. “How is it that I never complete this?” we moan at ourselves. Our uncompleted job list is evidence of our failure. Well, why feel bad about it? If you aren’t going to do something, cross it off your list. And if you want to be a success for ever more, don’t put anything on your list that you don’t intend to do!
And as I have said before, most coaching sessions will be less formalized and structured than this one. Most take place in a way that the uninitiated might not even recognize as coaching at all. They would simply think that one person was being particularly helpful and considerate of the other, and was obviously a good listener.
Structured or informal, the fundamental principles of raising awareness and building responsibility within the performer remain the key to good coaching.
Real performance is going beyond what is expected; it is setting one’s own highest standards, invariably standards that surpass what others demand or expect. It is, of course, an expression of one’s potential. This comes closer to the second meaning of performance as defined by my dictionary: “a deed, a feat, a public exhibition of skill.” That is what I coach for.
We perform quite well on autopilot with our attention elsewhere, but higher performance demands fuller attention and no distractions
Unfortunately, few people manage to view their workplace as a university for self-development, or their chores as challenges. It is hardly surprising, therefore, that their performance lacks sparkle.
On his own admission, Stayer then “went from authoritarian control to authoritarian abdication.” He forced responsibility on his management team and expected them to guess what he wanted. It did not work, though. “The early 1980s taught me that I couldn’t give responsibility. People had to expect it, want it, even demand it… To bring people to that… I had to learn to be a better coach.”
When I began this process of change ten years ago. I looked forward to the time when it would be all over and I could get back to my real job. But I’ve learned that change is the real job of every effective business leader because change is about the present and the future not about the past. There is no end to change.
The very definition of performance, for coaching purposes, should include learning and enjoyment too.
Part of the problem is that instructors, teachers, and managers are concerned more about short-term gain, passing the exam, or getting the job done now than they are about learning or about the quality of performance.
A child learns to walk and talk, throw and catch, run and ride a bicycle by passing fairly directly from unconscious incompetence to unconscious competence
Due to the comfortable physical security of our modern world, we are less often exposed to extreme sensations by the normal events of life at home or at work, so we invent ever more radical sports and leisure pursuits to activate our feelings.
Real enjoyment, real pleasure comes from experiencing something as it is happening, not thinking about a past or future experience.
many sportspeople spoil their enjoyment by being in the past (what they just failed to do) or the future (fearing what might occur).
Or any people
Asking ourselves precisely what we feel, touch, hear, see, smell, taste, and even think – focusing to find the answers – heightens our awareness and our enjoyment. It gives us more and better feedback or high-quality relevant input.
Each time we experience ourselves stretching to somewhere we have never been before in exertion, in courage, in activity, in fluidity, in dexterity, in effectiveness, we reach new heights in our senses, accentuated by the flow of adrenalin.
The carrot and the stick are pervasive and persuasive motivators But if you treat people like donkeys, they will perform like donkeys
Sport is therefore inherently enjoyable to the extent of being somewhat addictive; mental or physical work is far less so, at least for the majority of people.
During an economic debacle, an absence of demotion is the best that many can hope for. We are desperate for higher performance and we are running out of carrots. The stick is increasingly being seen as politically incorrect. So the motivation system is failing us, but that’s not a moment too soon and besides, it never worked that well anyway.
We must fundamentally change our ideas about motivation. If people are really going to perform, they must be self-motivated.
the more our motivation systems are geared to the levels of needs of those we wish to motivate, the happier everyone is going to be.
The normal motivator used in work, rewards in various currencies, goes some of the way to meeting the survival needs, the belonging needs, and even the lower of the two esteem needs.
While telling negates choice, disempowers, limits potential, and demotivates, coaching does the opposite.
Of the four criteria that cause us to adopt our management behavior in the moment, the development of our staff gets the lowest priority. At the head of the list comes time pressure, then fear, next comes the quality of the job or the product, leaving staff development a poor fourth. Shortage of time and excess fear drive us into command and control, while the quality of work and the need for development demand coaching.
Nice said, but what is your source of finding these four elements?!
