Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

What I discovered is that there was not anything objectively better or more interesting about these girls. In fact, what I was chasing was status, a pat on the back, basically reliving and redeeming all of my failed high school moments where the pretty girls didn’t pay attention to me. It had nothing to do with the girls, it had everything to do with me.

“Any individual who wants to be a leader has to be controversial. Otherwise they don’t stand for anything.” - Richard M. Nixon

The first step to being more attractive is to see rejection as a means to eliminate women who won't make you happy from your life. It's a blessing, not a curse.

Here are some other common examples of reciprocation: - She ignores her friends to stay and talk to you. - She keeps very strong eye contact and laughs a little too much at everything you say. - When you touch her, she touches you in return. - When you put your arm around her, she leans into you. - When you take her hand to move somewhere, she holds it in return. - When you ask her out on a date, she offers a place to go or mentions something she’d like to do with you. Most interested women will reciprocate to show that they’re interested. Catching on to how women reciprocate and noticing the signals is something that you develop with experience, but it shouldn’t be too hard if you know what to pay attention to.

Other men often stick to plain jokes and safe topics of conversation that end up not polarizing at all for fear of being rejected. This is also a form of hiding one’s truth, not showing vulnerability, being needy and therefore not being attractive.

At the bar the first question out of my mouth is one of my favorites for Neutral situations: "What's your favorite thing in the world?" This question will tell me two things: how passionate and self-aware she is about her own life and secondly, if we have anything in common.

the most common strategy with guys who are inexperienced with women is “to be liked by all; hated by none.” But when it comes to being intimate and attracting women, this is a horrible strategy. Being hated by nobody usually means you’re not loved by anybody either.

You’d be surprised how many women will respond with attraction to nothing other than a man who is bold and willing to make a move.

But surprisingly, a lot of women will react warmly to these advances. Even if they’re not interested and reject you, they respect a man who is bold and honest. I’ve had multiple occasions where I approached women boldly and honestly, stating directly that they were beautiful and I wanted to meet them, and despite rejecting me, they were so impressed by my boldness and confidence that they promptly introduced me to a friend of theirs who was available.

You know those people who interrupt you constantly and redirect every possible topic of conversation back to some inane story about themselves? She was one of those. It was like being socially water-boarded.

I’ll always take being slapped over indifference or boredom any day. It’s polarizing. And polarizing women is more important than being pleasant to them.

As with any type of failure, it’s not until you’ve been rejected a certain amount that you realize how insignificant it actually is, how you spent so much time worrying about nothing, and how you’re free to act however you choose.

As soon as you realize that 95% of this “picking up” women stuff has nothing to do with you, is the moment you become free to pursue what you want without hesitation

When you get out there and start meeting a lot of women, you’ll begin to notice that there’s a lot to be said about “meeting the right person at the wrong time.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve met an amazing woman but some circumstance was standing in the way. It happens all the time. It may be that she’s on vacation and flying 2,000 miles home tomorrow so she doesn’t want to bother meeting a new guy. Or that she just got back together with her long-term boyfriend and doesn’t want to screw it up. Or that her dog just died and she really doesn’t feel like talking tonight. Or that her ex-boyfriend has been calling her and harassing her and she just wants to be left alone with her girlfriends tonight. Or that the last guy who came up and talked to her grabbed her ass so she’s upset. Or the guy she went out with last night was totally rude and looked just like you. Or it’s that time of the month and she’s irritable and annoyed with the whole “dating” thing right now. There are a million extraneous circumstances completely outside of your control and at any given time, a large chunk of the women you meet and talk to are going to be experiencing one of them. The best you can do is to let it go and remember, it’s not about you.

Most men, when they approach women, are thinking something like, “I hope she likes me,” or “I hope she doesn’t embarrass me or reject me.” It’s all about them. And therefore, when things don’t go anywhere, the men take it personally — they get upset or angry or butt-hurt that this random stranger with breasts isn’t interested right now.

Instead of thinking, “I wonder if she’ll like me,” think, “I wonder what she’s like?” Instead of thinking, “I hope she doesn’t reject me,” think, “I hope I'll have an interesting experience with her.”

The beauty is that whether she falls in love with you on the spot or she throws a drink in your face… you’ve succeeded. You’ve found out the truth. Your curiosity is fulfilled and you can now decide whether you should move on or not.

I define success in a qualitative way: maximizing happiness with whichever woman (or women) for each individual. Success = Maximizing happiness with whichever woman/women we prefer

If you’re afraid to approach a woman, it’s because somewhere inside you are more invested in her opinion of you than you are in your own opinion of yourself.

If you’re afraid to ask a girl to come home with you, it’s because you are afraid of the sexual reality that you want to sleep with her — you’re more invested in her not rejecting you than you are in aligning yourself with your desires.

What I recommend to every guy before he even begins talking to women is to sit down for a while and ask himself some questions: - What do you value in a woman? Honesty? Affection? Intelligence? Curiosity? Similar interests? Education? - Women with the traits that you value, where do they frequent? Where are you most likely to find them? - What do you enjoy doing most? Do you love to read/write? Do you play music? Do you enjoy sports and competitions? What are events or organizations that you can become involved in that explore your hobbies?

If you don’t know what your passions and interests are, take a minute and write down things that you’ve always wanted to do but have never had the time or never worked up the nerve to do. Make a promise to yourself to get involved in that activity or event in some way.

Also, meetup.com and livingsocial.com are excellent resources for finding like-minded people and cool events going on in your city.

Or as the old saying goes: “Tell the beautiful girls they’re smart and tell the smart girls that they’re beautiful.”

I recommend guys switch to a binary system of 1 or 0. A “1” is a woman you’d like to be with. A “0” is a woman you wouldn’t. Why you want to be with her or not, how she looks, whether she’s just OK looking or the most beautiful woman on the planet — none of that matters. Either you’re interested or you're not. The rest doesn’t matter.

“You know, I get a good feeling from you, you’re someone worth knowing.”

Sunglasses: Go to a sunglasses store and try out a bunch of different pairs. Find a pair that compliments your head shape nicely. Sunglasses cover the eyes, creating a sense of mystery and power in whoever wears them. Make sure the tint matches your outfit (i.e., don’t wear a brown tint with a black outfit)

protein faster and more efficiently. A great “newbie” workout program is called the Rippetoe System, also known as Starting Strength. I fully recommend it.

Do it until it becomes habit. Challenge yourself to go out for a week straight and do this every time you’re in public. Notice any changes in how you feel. Notice any shifts in people’s reactions to you. Notice any shifts in your confidence.

As you could guess, we want to develop that chest voice. Again, the only way to do this is through conscious practice – reminding yourself countless times to speak from your chest voice until it becomes habit.

One summer in college, I read a book a day for 50 days, all nonfiction, and all on philosophy or various social sciences.

Drop all of this prejudice and adopt this mentality immediately: “there has to be something to this form of art, otherwise it wouldn’t have a following, so I should find out what that something is.” Once you find it, then decide if you like it or not. Whether you like something or not, you should always be able to appreciate it.

Do the same with movies. Watch every movie in IMDB’s top 20 movies of all time list. Google critics’ top 10 movies of all time lists and watch everything on there. Watch every movie that’s won an Oscar for “Best Picture.” That’s a good start.

On one side, I want you to take 10 minutes and list unique things that you have done or experienced that most people haven’t. It could be everything from climbing a mountain, to writing your school’s play in high school, to recovering from cancer, to going on a 10-day meditation retreat, to starting your own business in college. Write things that you’ve done that no one or almost no one you know has done or experienced. Now, turn the paper over. Take 10 minutes and write all of the the things you want to do before you die. Assuming money and time weren’t an issue, list everything you would do before you died. Some examples from my list: write a novel, see the pyramids, learn to box, live in Japan, speak five languages, climb a mountain, etc.

Zealand, ask, “How do I feel about that?”

Again I have to stop myself. I don’t know this girl. But obviously if I’m dedicating such mental energy to her, I probably should.

Whether you feel incredibly nervous before you approach, or if you procrastinate calling women you’ve met, or if you tell yourself that you just “don’t feel like” having sex when you’re out on a date with a girl even though she’s obviously into you, this is your subconscious resisting change.

your mind is inventing stories to explain that resistance. These stories have emotions tied to them, whether they’re fear, boredom, anger, shame, or whatever — which contribute to keeping you in the same place you are right now. It’s your emotional inertia. It’s the status quo. The mechanisms wired into you to keep you there, safe. And we all have them.

So what are your stories? What do you tell yourself to justify that internal resistance inside you? And what stories can you tell yourself instead to remove as much of that resistance as possible?

The only important "skill" in dating is learning how to stop buying into your own bullshit, to stop believing your own stories.

let’s say you get scared to death to say anything when a beautiful girl sits down next to you. The fact that you’re scared to death demonstrates a high level of investment and neediness in her opinion of you.

And my pattern was apathy. So I’d be hanging out in a bar, see a cute girl I liked, and my immediate reaction would be to say something like, “Eh, I don’t really feel like talking right now,” or “I don’t feel like meeting girls right now.” This was complete bullshit. I had purposely gone out that night for no other reason than to meet girls. I had been reading books and websites all week about nothing but meeting girls. I wanted to meet girls.

So here are some helpful ways to break your own pattern: 1. Take a moment and think about what you’re most anxious about. Is it approaching? Is it showing sexual interest? Is it asking a girl out? Is it the first kiss? 2. Now write down your pattern with it. So for instance, “Calling women, pattern is apathy,” or “Approaching women, pattern is blame game.” 3. Now, create a goal for yourself, for instance, “Call every phone number I get, no matter how much I don’t care.” Write it down. 4. Tell a friend or a buddy what you plan on doing and ask him to keep you accountable.

There are something like 40 million single women in the US. And you truly believe you can’t find one good one? Whose fault is that? It’s your fault. You’re being lazy. You’re being lazy and unfairly judging millions of women all because you aren’t willing to take responsibility for your failures.

When you’re out and about during your daily life, every beautiful woman you see, every hot girl you talk to, I want you to imagine what it’d be like to have sex with her.

Follow this for a few weeks and you should find yourself motivated. If you mess up or give in, just start over again. Don’t be hard on yourself. Ideally, within a couple weeks the idea of going out to approach women should sound exciting to you instead of a chore. This is good. So go out and do it!

She wants YOU to be that man. She’s secretly rooting for you. She doesn’t want to reject you. Every time a new man walks up to her, she’s secretly saying to herself, “Please, please, please be the man. Be the attractive man that I can’t say no to.”

This is also why women are willing to overlook a lot of bonehead moves and mistakes we make if they like us. It’s amazing how many second and third chances a woman will give you if she likes you. She’s rooting for you. She’s your biggest fan. She’s

your role as a man is to take action. It’s all on you. It’s always on you. You move things forward.

To develop lasting change, you come at it from the opposite angle. If you’re afraid to approach women, then you find the easiest and lowest intensity way to approach, and then do it in high volume.