Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

A man's attractiveness is inversely proportional to how needy he is. The less needy he is, the more attractive he will be to women on average. The needier he is, the less attractive he will be to women on average. Neediness is when a man places a higher priority on others’ perceptions of him than his perception of himself. A needy man’s actions and words will therefore be primarily motivated by impressing and winning approval from others. Non-neediness is when a man places a higher priority on his own perception of himself than the perceptions of others. A non-needy man’s actions and words will therefore be primarily motivated by embodying his own values and desires.

Neediness is inversely proportional to a man's attractiveness.

A needy man is constantly investing in the perceptions others have in him. He is being extra nice and friendly when he doesn’t want to be because he believes he must do this to be liked and loved. He is buying a fancy watch and season tickets to the local sports team so that he will be admired and loved. He is coming up with fake compliments or pretending to be a bad ass because he thinks it will get him attention and love. A non-needy man may still do these behaviors — he may still buy the season tickets or make the jokes. But his intentions are different. Whereas a needy man says and does these things for approval, the non-needy man does them simply for the pleasure of doing. The needy man tries to control what others think and feel more than what he thinks and feels himself. The non-needy man is more concerned with controlling his own thoughts and feelings rather than the thoughts and feelings of others. A needy man will be more invested in the woman he is with than in himself – he will be more concerned about her opinion, about him, about the weather, about everything other than what he actually thinks and feels. A non-needy man will be more invested in himself than the woman he’s with. By investment, I mean the degree to which you sacrifice/alter your own thoughts, feelings, and motivations for someone else. By less I mean that as a man, you should not be willing to sacrifice your thoughts, feelings, and motivations for someone else more than they sacrifice theirs for...

Take a moment to consider… …That before meeting a woman, instead of worrying whether or not she will like you, you could wonder if you will like her. …That instead of feeling the need to impress her, you could wonder if she impresses you. …That instead of sitting there silently wondering what to say next to make her like you, you could sit there silently wondering what she will say to make you like her. …That instead of waiting around for her to call, you could find something else to do while she waits for your call. …That instead of worrying if you’re tall enough or good-looking enough or skinny enough, you could decide whether they’re too superficial to recognize your great qualities. …That instead of trying to come up with the perfect date, you could decide that a woman who really likes you for you doesn’t need a perfect date. …That instead of looking for a conversation she’ll enjoy, you could talk about something you enjoy and see if she takes interest. …That instead of looking for her approval, you could decide whether or not to give yours. …That instead of getting upset about why she doesn’t want to be with you, you could decide that it means you probably wouldn’t want to be with her. This may all sound a bit selfish. But, in fact, it’s called having strong boundaries and high self-esteem. It’s called being non-needy and an attractive man. Only making time for people who make time for you. Only being interested in dating people who are interested in dating you. Worry...

Setting strong boundaries and having high self-esteem.

making yourself vulnerable doesn’t just mean being willing to share your fears or insecurities. It can mean putting yourself in a position where you can be rejected, saying a joke that may not be funny, asserting an opinion that may offend others, introducing yourself to a group of people you don’t know, telling a woman that you like her and want to date her. All of these things require you to stick your neck out on the line emotionally in some way. You’re making yourself vulnerable when you do them. In this way, vulnerability represents a form of power, a deep and subtle form of power. It’s courageous, even. A man who’s able to make himself vulnerable is saying to the world, “Screw the repercussions; this is who I am, and I refuse to be anyone else.” He’s saying he is non-needy and high status.

What does making yourself vulnerable mean.