When People Are Big and God Is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man

by Edward T. Welch

intends to break the cup of psychological need (lusts), not fill it.

The main reason why there is an epidemic of emptiness is that we have created and multiplied our needs, not God.

Take time and consider how many of your “psychological needs” have really been wants and demands in disguise.

What are the triune God’s needs? He has no needs. He is completely fulfilled.

In need psychology, the natural reason to praise God is for what he has done for me. This is okay, but it doesn’t go far enough. From the Bible’s perspective, God deserves praise simply because he is God.

The Israelites did not break out into song because their psychological longings had been fulfilled; they exalted God simply because he is exalted (Ex. 15:11):

People are most similar to God when he is the object of their affection. People should delight in God, as he does in himself.

“The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him [or delight in him] forever” (Q. 1).(Figure 2.)

The most basic question of human existence becomes “How can I bring glory to God?” — not “How will God meet my psychological longings?”

our hearts are always active, either in bringing glory to God or to self.

Wherever you find faith and trust, you will find people imaging God: In meeting with God’s people, for God’s glory. In praying for each other and the world, for God’s glory. In listening to a spouse rather than being defensive, for God’s glory. In going to work, for God’s glory. In enjoying marital sexuality, for God’s glory. In parenting, for God’s glory.

Priest. Jesus is the High Priest; we too are priests as we imitate him.

Through Christ, these garments are now available to all. They are given freely but must be worn. They are essential for giving glory to God. If you look at them closely, you will see that these priestly coverings double as the beautiful

wedding garment that God’s people wear at the consummation.

“Christian” certainly defines us. We have taken on Christ’s name. We are his betrothed. Now our task is to make that name famous. We are heralds and ambassadors for Christ who implore others to be reconciled to God (2 Cor. 5:20). We are people who have received a new name through adoption. Furthermore, the adoption, no

matter how much it makes us feel good, was not intended primarily for that purpose. In the New Testament, adoptions brought glory to the person who adopts, not the one who is adopted. Adoption brings glory to God.

More accurately, it means that we need to love rather than that we have a psychological deficit that must be filled with love

One of the great revelations of God’s love for us is found in the Old Testament book of Hosea.

The real story is about God and his love for his people.

The earthly analogy is the story of Ho...

pursuing love for the shamed, threatened,...

Yet this was the way that Hosea would get a glimpse into the heart of God, because God did marry someone like Gomer.

You see, I, myself, am the husband. Your life will be about my love. Your pain will point to my own. And your faithfulness will be a replica of mine.”

“I will go after my lovers,

Gomer was now done. Her adulteries had led her almost to the grave. She was an outcast, beyond hope. Her shame, fear, and rejection could not have been more intense. She was standing in the slave market, naked so that she could be inspected by potential buyers. Who was going to be the next one to heap abuses on her?

Gomer was sold for the price of a common slave. After paying the fee, Hosea went over to Gomer and did something that must have left the townspeople whispering to each other: he covered her nakedness.

God begins by posing a question, “How can I give you up?” Then he gives an immediate answer, “I cannot! It is impossible. You are mine.”

Moreover, this is not a stoic faithfulness. It is vulnerable and passionate. It is a faithfulness so intense that God describes it as tearing at his insides.

holy justice was anticipating the time when Jesus would become the slave for us. He would take the shame and rejection that was rightfully our own. In its place, he would completely forgive and justify us. Even more, he would glorify us (Rom. 8:30). He would exalt us. God looks at his creation from the perspective of the consummation. From that vantage point he sees what his Gomer will be. She will be a radiant bride, honored and glorified. She will be presented before God’s glorious presence without fault, and she will be received by him with great joy (Jude 24). If God is passionate about pursuing an adulterous wife, you can be certain that there will be great celebration, laughter, and joy when his wife is glorified and in his presence forever.

event. In traditional Western weddings, the bride is the honored one. Everyone at the wedding talks about how beautiful she is. All eyes are consistently on her. At the heavenly, eternal ceremony, however, our gaze will be fixed on another. The bride, indeed, will be exalted, honored, and glorified, but her beauty will exalt the triune God even more. It was he who pursued, wooed, bought, and transformed her. Any beauty in the bride is a reflection of the greater beauty of the bridegroom.

Our goal is to love people more than need them. We are overflowing pitchers, not leaky cups.

instead of needing people to fill our desires, we can love people for the sake of God’s glory and fulfill the purpose for which we were created.

Need other people less, love other people more. Out of obedience to Christ, and as a response to his love toward you, pursue others in love.

Most of us have never had an enemy like Haman. Our perceived enemies are people who may have slighted us or sinned against us a time or two. To have someone dedicated to our annihilation is indeed rare.

Such a promise might not mean exactly what we think, however. If we interpret it through the lens of our personal desires, it means that we personally will be vindicated. We would actually witness the overthrow of our enemy. But the promise doesn’t mean that. Some enemies have been known to last for generations. What it means is that enemies will not restrain the growth of God’s kingdom, the church.

This promise is exciting only if we think corporately more than individually.

What the Psalms do is lean against some of our natural instincts. When we are inclined to take matters into our own hands, the Psalms teach us to trust God. When we would insulate ourselves from pain, they teach us to trust God. Instead of vowing that we will never again move close to another person, we learn to trust God. Instead of extinguishing hope, the Psalms teach us to trust God and, as a result, be filled with jubilant expectations for the coming of the kingdom. You could say that the Psalms improve our quality of life.

The Psalms were worthy of inclusion into Scripture because David was a representative of the Divine King. He asked for judgment against his enemies because they were enemies of the true God. It was the glory of God that was David’s mission, not his own vindication.

To be more specific, King David spoke on behalf of the greater king, King Jesus.

The enemies of which he spoke are those of Jesus; the sufferings of which he spoke are those of the Messiah. This means that we should read each psalm at least twice. The first time we can allow it to speak for u...

Jesus’ pain was greater th...

“What happens to the sinful creatures of God, however tragic, is less monstrous than what h...

Love for enemies is the pinnacle of Christian obedience to God.

As the Sermon on the Mount indicates, it is easy to love people who love you.

The apostle Paul said, “As we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers” (Gal. 6:10).

This certainly does not diminish our concern for neighbors and enemies; rather, such special concern is a natural result of being family in the most intimate sense of the word.

When people were converted in the book of Acts, it was assumed that they would be part of a local fellowship. It could have been no other way. They had been ushered into a community of the resurrection, a community of the Spirit.

In some Asian countries the phrase makes no sense, or it is a sign of mental instability. The person should never be self-reliant, according to most Asian traditions. The person should be interdependent.

This chapter reviews an essential part of the treatment for the fear of man: we are to love people more and need people (to satisfy our psychological cravings) less.

In the same way that love for God expels the terror of God, love for people expels our fear that they might shame, physically hurt, or reject us.