Getting to Yes: Negotiating an agreement without giving in

by Roger Fisher

Separate the people from the problem.

Don’t blame them for your problem. It is tempting to hold the other side responsible for your problem.

Don’t react to emotional outbursts.

An apology may be one of the least costly and most rewarding investments you can make.

Communication is never an easy thing, even between people who have an enormous background of shared values and experience. Couples who have lived with each other for thirty years still have misunderstandings every day. It is not surprising, then, to find poor communication between people who do not know each other well and who may feel hostile and suspicious of one another. Whatever you say, you should expect that the other side will almost always hear something different.

It is easy to forget sometimes that a negotiation is not a debate. Nor is it a trial.

“Understanding should be promoted in young children before it is too late.”

At the very least, if you and the other side cannot reach first-order agreement, you can usually reach second-order agreement—that is, agree on where you disagree, so that you both know the issues in dispute, which are not always obvious.

Fundamental

If you want to sell a soft drink from a vending machine for $2.00, don’t mark the price at $2.50 to give yourself room to negotiate.

Principled negotiation produces wise agreements amicably and efficiently. The more you bring standards of fairness, efficiency, or scientific merit to bear on your particular problem, the more likely you are to produce a final package that is wise and fair.