The more you can relieve the other person of the need to defend themselves, the easier it becomes for them to take in what you are saying and to reflect on the complexity of their motivations. For example, you might say, “I was surprised that you made that comment. It seemed uncharacteristic of you. . . .” Assuming this is true (that it is uncharacteristic), you are giving some balance to the information you are bringing to their attention.
