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April 13 - April 21, 2013
charisma is a skill that you can learn and practice.
Charisma gets people to like you, trust you, and want to be led by you.
Multiple concurring studies indicate that charismatic people receive higher performance ratings and are viewed as more effective by their superiors and subordinates.2
Research shows that those following charismatic leaders perform better, experience their work as more meaningful, and have more trust in their leaders than those following effective but noncharismatic leaders.3
Contrary to popular belief, people are not simply born charismatic—innately magnetic from birth. If charisma were an inherent attribute, charismatic people would always be captivating, and that’s just not the case. Even for the most engaging superstar, charisma can be present one moment and absent the next.
extensive research in recent years has shown, charisma is the result of specific nonverbal behaviors,5 not an inherent or magical personal quality.
The equation that produces charisma is actually fairly simple. All you have to do is give the impression that you possess both high power and high warmth, since charismatic behaviors project a combination of these two qualities. “Fight or flight?” is the power question. “Friend or foe?” is the warmth question.
presence turns out to be the real core component of charisma, the foundation upon which all else is built.
Consciously or not, charismatic individuals choose specific behaviors that make other people feel a certain way.
In order to become more charismatic, you don’t have to force yourself into one particular personality style or do something that is against your nature.
Three quick tips to gain an instant charisma boost in conversation: Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences. Reduce how quickly and how often you nod. Pause for two full seconds before you speak.
Not only can the lack of presence be visible, it can also be perceived as inauthentic, which has even worse emotional consequences. When you’re perceived as disingenuous, it’s virtually impossible to generate trust, rapport, or loyalty. And it’s impossible to be charismatic.
Being charismatic does not depend on how much time you have but on how fully present you are in each interaction.
Being seen as powerful means being perceived as able to affect the world around us, whether through influence on or authority over others, large amounts of money, expertise, intelligence, sheer physical strength, or high social status.
Warmth, simply put, is goodwill toward others. Warmth tells us whether or not people will want to use whatever power they have in our favor.
Warmth is assessed almost entirely through body language and behavior; it’s evaluated more directly than power.
because we can’t consciously control all of our body language, we can’t just broadcast charismatic body language at will.
If your internal state is anticharismatic, no amount of effort and willpower can make up for it.
Lao Tzu reportedly said: “To know others is knowledge. To know oneself is wisdom.”
whatever we imagine can have an impact on our body language and, thus, on our levels of charisma.
When interacting with someone, assume that he or she will feel (at least on a subconscious level) that whatever you do relates to him or to her.
Anxiety is a serious drawback to charisma.
KEY TAKEAWAYS Any internal discomfort—either physical or mental—can impair how you feel, how you perform, and how others perceive you. Physical tension caused by something as simple as the sun in your eyes produces the same changes in body language as a more serious discomfort, like anxiety or irritation. Prevention is optimal: plan ahead to ensure comfort in clothing, location, and timing. Aim to stay aware of any physical sensation of discomfort. If physical discomfort arises during an interaction, act promptly to alleviate or explain it. Use techniques such as the responsibility transfer to
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Skillfully handling any difficult experience is a three-step process: destigmatize discomfort, neutralize negativity, and rewrite reality.
delving into sensations, can help you access charismatic presence even during highly uncomfortable situations.
When you know how to handle discomfort, no situation can shake you; whether business or personal, there is no feeling that can make you run away.
Stretching Your Comfort Zone
To be charismatic, you must first learn to overcome the primary obstacle to charisma: internal discomfort.
neuroscience resources, the Wise Brain Bulletin, suggested that a twenty-second hug is enough to send oxytocin coursing through your veins, and that you can achieve the same effect just by imagining the hug. So the next time you’re feeling anxious, you might want to imagine being wrapped up in a great big hug from someone you care about.
Visualization is indeed a powerful tool. Of all the charisma-boosting techniques, this is the one I recommend making a permanent part of your toolkit.
When you truly focus on someone’s well-being, you feel more connected to them, it shows across your face, and people perceive you as someone full of warmth.
Using goodwill in your daily interactions can instantly infuse your body language with more warmth, kindness, care, and
One simple but effective way to start is to try to find three things you like about the person you want to feel goodwill toward. No matter whom it is you’re talking to, find three things to appreciate or approve of—even if these are as small as “their shoes are shined” or “they were on time.” When you start searching for positive elements, your mental state changes accordingly and then sweeps through your body language.
Training on charisma
in any interaction, imagine the person you’re speaking to, and all those around you, as having invisible angel wings.
Goodwill means that you wish someone well without necessarily knowing how they’re feeling. Empathy means that you understand what they feel; perhaps you’ve had a similar experience in the past. Compassion is empathy plus goodwill: you understand how they feel, and you wish them well.
Your willingness to focus on others’ well-being is all you need to positively change your body language.
People who score high on self-compassion also have a lower tendency for denial. This makes sense: personal mistakes would generate less self-criticism, so people would be more willing to admit to them.
self-compassion as a three-step process: First, realizing that we’re experiencing
difficulties. Second, responding with kindness and understanding toward ourselves when we are suffering or feel inadequate, rather than being harshly self-critical. Third, realizing that whatever we’re going through is commonly experienced by all human beings, and remembering that everyone goes through difficult times.
Metta is the conscious practice of developing kind intentions toward all beings.
“A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.”
Emotions and body language are so linked that adopting a certain posture or facial expression will, in fact, create the corresponding feelings in your mind.
Body language will drive emotions
Just as with visualization, where the right image will create corresponding emotions and body language, you can reverse-engineer many emotions by adopting the corresponding body language.
Harvard and Columbia psychology researchers found that subjects who assumed a strong, confident physical posture and then spoke with a strong voice and imposing hand gestures actually produced a biochemical reaction that made them feel and seem more confident and powerful. In contrast, those who adopted a he...
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Using Your Body to Change Your Mind
Focus charisma is primarily based on a perception of presence. It gives people the feeling that you are fully present with them, listening to them and absorbing what they say. Focus charisma makes people feel heard, listened to, and understood. Don’t underestimate this kind of charisma; it can be surprisingly powerful. Focus charisma can be highly effective in business.
Focus charisma is perhaps the easiest form of charisma to access, and can be surprisingly effective, but it comes with two main risks.
Though it is primarily based on presence, focus charisma still requires a modicum of both confidence and warmth.
Visionary charisma makes others feel inspired; it makes us believe.
Why is visionary charisma so effective and powerful? Because of our natural discomfort with uncertainty.
