Reckless (The Powerless Trilogy, #2)

by Lauren Roberts

I could leave him. I could leave him and be done with this. Because no one but him could catch me, no one but him could find me again once I disappear. This is my escape. This is my freedom. This is wrong. I pull at my hair, my frustration taking a physical form. If I save him, I may be damning myself. And yet, that is exactly what he did. Saving me has him sinking to his death. I shake my head at my reflection in the murky water. And then I dive into it.

I’m pushing hard on his chest, pleading with him. How pathetic. I don’t know why I care. This is exactly what I should want. To have tried my best and still be free of him. This is the ideal situation. I can walk away from this moment without guilt dragging me back to it for the rest of my life. So why am I fighting back tears? “Come on,” I whisper, continuing my rhythmic pumping. “Come on, you stubborn bastard.” His eyelids flutter open.

Of course he would understand. He always does.

“It was a mistake,” I huff, turning to look into his face that is far too close. “This one and the one before.” “The only mistake was not making it sooner.” “I… That’s…” I’m stuttering. He smiles in that way that makes me want to slap him. Then he’s inching closer, slowly stealing the small space that separates us. “No”—his fingers trail up my neck to trace my jaw—“the mistake was tasting you now that you likely won’t let me do it again.”

live love laugh kai

His face is close enough for me to make a bad decision with little effort. Rough fingers are tangled in my hair, brushing the sensitive skin on my neck. Water drips from the tips of his hair, clinging to thick lashes surrounding the eyes staring heatedly into mine. “You’re right,” I say breathlessly. “I won’t let you kiss me again.” Lie. I’m leaning in with every word falling from the lips that desperately want to meet his again. The corner of his mouth lifts, drawing my attention. “Are you sure about that?” His breath is warm, filling me with heat. I nod absentmindedly, my thoughts on anything but keeping my word. A calloused hand is cupping my face, rougher than the reverence in which he held me earlier. I melt into his touch, leaning closer as his eyes drift to my lips. It’s intoxicating, watching him drink me in.

The merchant swears before looking up to identify the culprit. I fight the urge to break the man’s jaw when his gaze softens with each second spent greedily running his eyes over her. “My fault, miss,” he says silkily, moving to brace a hand on her shoulder. “Are you all right? That was quite the tumble.” “Much better now, thank you.” My eyes roll involuntarily. She bends to pick up the pile of skirts before placing them back onto his cart. “I’m just so embarrassed!” “No need to be, my dear.” His hand is back on her shoulder, and I’m considering breaking it. “Say, if yer not busy right now—” “She’s occupied, actually.”

oop

Paedyn quickly snatches the cloth from the ground before the man has a chance to turn around and see it. Then she steps back into the alley, raising an eyebrow at me. “What?” I grind out. She snorts. “Possessive, are we?” “I chained you to me. What do you think?” She ducks her head, smothering a smile as she begins unfolding the skirt.

“You’re hilarious. Really.” Her dull expression matches her voice. “I’m glad I can amuse you.” I run a hand down my face, attempting to wipe the stupid grin from it. Then I’m crouching in front of her, glancing up at her in question. “May I?” Funnily enough, those are the exact words I uttered before ripping the skirt of the dress she wore to the interviews. Though, I’m not planning to repeat history at the moment. I push the skirt aside to pick up her boot.

“There,” I sigh. “It’s hardly noticeable. But you’re going to have to walk very close to me. Maybe put your arm in mine, convince everyone we’re a couple.” Her brows fly up her forehead. “Think you can handle that?” “Do I have a choice?” she huffs. “Good point.” I nod. “All right, let’s go.” She lurches forward when I take a shallow step. “Easy, Azer,” she hisses close to my ear. The arm she folds around mine grows tighter in silent warning. “I’m wearing a hideous skirt and an ankle chain. Don’t push it.” I pat her arm with my other hand, taking slow steps onto the street. “I wouldn’t dream of it, Gray.”

Saying her last name only reminds me that she doesn’t want me to say her first. It hurt, losing that privilege. Losing the right to something as intimate as her name rolling off my tongue. But I will respect her wish, keeping her name trapped in the confines of my mind.

lauren's writing is so good

I place a light hand on her lower back, guiding her toward the building. “Welcome to your bed and bath.”

When I look up, it’s into widening blue eyes. “I’m not proposing, don’t worry,” I murmur.

YET

I place a hand under her thigh while the other pushes at her lower back. “Watch it, Azer,” I hear her whisper harshly from above me. I smile. “Gentleman, remember? I’m simply helping you break into this inn.”

“And then you kissed me the second time,” I say, standing to take a slow step toward her, clearing the space between us in a single stride. “And I think you loathe yourself for wanting to do it again.” She huffs dismissively, turning away from me. “And what makes you think I have any desire to do it again?” I shrug. “You’ve already done it twice. So look at me and tell me you won’t again.” She opens her mouth to do just that, but I cut her off with a tug of the chain that has her tripping closer. “Without tapping your left foot.”

yuhhh

I’m still smiling as she leads me to the rotting door separating us from the tub inside. She spins, jabbing a finger into my chest. “You’re staying out here.” Then she’s pushing open the door to peer around the corner. “The chain should reach if you sit outside the door.” “How fortunate.” That earns me a swift backhand to the gut. She steps into the washroom, dragging the chain under the door. “Sit,” she orders, giving me a stern look before swinging the door partially shut. I obey, sitting in the warped doorframe with wood poking into my back.

I’m braiding my hair when he walks out of the bathroom. Walks out of the bathroom, shirtless. A strand of hair slips from between my fingers. I scramble to my feet, looking anywhere but at the tanned chest and damp pants hanging low on his hips. Beads of water are dripping from his hair to roll down his shoulders, trailing toward the body beneath. Not that I noticed. “Do you ever have a shirt on?” I say casually, eyes on the braid I’m fumbling with. “I washed it, so it needs to dry.” Gray eyes flick up to mine. “If I’m distracting you, by all means, let me know.”

lol

“Because I’m not sleeping with you.” He gives me a look, to which I quickly rephrase, “I’m not sleeping in this bed with you.” He’s making no effort to hide how humorous he finds this. “And why is that? It’s not as though we haven’t shared a bed before.” “So you keep reminding me.” I turn my attention back to the neglected braid. “Yes, before.” Before every bit of betrayal that was brought between us. “Well, you don’t have much of a choice.” He nods to the chain hanging limply between us. “You could hang your head off the other side of the bed,” I say sweetly. “Why don’t you, seeing that you’re the one who’s so desperate to get away from me?”

good point i fear

We fall silent, nothing but the faint chattering of my teeth to fill the space. He stills beside me, so much so that I assume he’s fallen asleep. That is, until the mattress sinks behind my back, and I practically roll into him. “What the hell are you—” His chest meets my back. I try again. “What the hell—” “Shh.” My mouth falls open. “I’m waiting for a better explanation than that.” “Easy, Gray.” A hand brushes my hip, making me jump against him. “I can’t sleep with you shaking the bed, and you can’t sleep when you’re freezing. This is best for the both of us.” “Is it really?” I start. “Because I—” “Plagues,” he chuckles against my ear. “Just pretend. Pretend not to hate each other in these moments, remember?”

“Fine,” I say, annoyed at the sound of my voice quivering. “Pretend.” With that, I allow myself to melt into his warmth when he pulls me closer.

“We need to lose him,” Kai murmurs after another shout echoes around the corner. I’m about to say something when he suddenly pulls me down another alleyway and pushes me against the crumbling wall. “What are you—” “Pretend, Gray,” he breathes, trapping me against the wall with his body. Before I get the chance to question him, he’s untied my skirt with one hand and thrown it to the ground. I blink at the crumpled fabric at our feet before his hand is guiding my face back to his. I see the order in his eyes, the need for me to listen to him, just this once. So, I don’t push him away when his hand trails down my neck to lift the scarf from my head. Because this is pretend. This is a plan.

Then he’s leaning closer, pulling the bandanna from his face. His free hand is tight on my hip, pushing my back against the wall. I take a quick breath when his head ducks beneath my jaw. The brush of his lips has me swallowing. His mouth moves lightly, trailing kisses across my skin. My breath catches when a hand cups my face to bend it down toward him and away from the street. He moves slowly down my neck, his lips growing less hesitant as they follow the path of my jagged scar. “Kai…” My voice sounds breathy, though that wasn’t at all what I intended. “Pretend,” he breathes against my skin, making me shiver.

How absurd to grieve a man who loved power more than his sons. How absurd to grieve a man who offered me no praise. How absurd to grieve a man who could never be pleased. How unfair to grieve such a man. So, I won’t any longer. I’m done with it. Truly.

oh good cause this is getting ridiculous

“Comparing it to the original,” I say simply, holding the picture beside her face. She almost allows herself to laugh at that. My eyes flick between her and the poster, scanning each feature. I hand it back to her in a matter of seconds. “Not enough freckles.” “Not enough…” Her head whips in my direction, confusion crinkling her brow. “What do you mean, not enough freckles?” “I mean,” I say without looking at her, “they didn’t draw enough freckles.”

Then I tug the hat low over her face, tucking the remnants of her messy braid into it. “Play along, all right?” I murmur, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Take off your vest. It’s recognizable.”

I sink slowly into the velvet chair before pulling Paedyn onto my lap. She sits straight and stiff until my hands find her hips to ease her back against my chest. “Loosen up, darling,” I whisper against her ear. “Look like we belong here.” She nods slightly, the brim of her hat nearly hitting me in the face. I feel her melt against me, convincingly more comfortable with where she’s perched atop my thigh. Keeping one hand slung loosely across

She turns so her cheek is against mine and slowly wraps a lazy arm around my neck. It’s just an excuse to whisper without looking suspicious, but I struggle to slow my racing heart, nonetheless. “What are you doing, Azer?” she murmurs, her lips brushing my cheek. I swallow at the feel of it. “You pay to play,” I breathe. “And not playing will only draw more attention to us.”

It’s not long before a woman slinks over to wrap her arm around my shoulders. Her voice is high and breathy as she offers to take Paedyn’s place. But when I open my mouth to decline, it’s not my voice I hear. “This lap is taken,” Paedyn says coolly, pulling herself closer with the arm still draped across my neck. With a huff, the woman nods and turns away to find another body to warm.

period tf

Wanting to catch her eye, I drop my cards onto the table to drag her chin toward me. “Jealousy looks good on you, Gray,” I murmur, my fingers still cupping her chin.

Her eyes flick between mine, full of a familiar fire. “I’m not jealous.” My gaze lingers on her lips before traveling down the length of her. “Then you just look good.”

“She’s my good luck charm,” Kai says simply, earning a few chuckles from the table. He’s wrapped his arm fully around my waist, leaning in to rest his chin on my bare shoulder. With his bandanna pulled from his face in the dim light, the stubble across his jaw tickles my skin, making me shiver.

“What do you think, darling?” he asks against my ear, holding the cards in front of me. He says this loud enough for the table to hear, as though this is a regular routine for the two of us. “Hmm.” I lean my head against his, feeling his breath on my cheek. Then I’m reaching up to tap a card. “This one.” “That’s my girl,” he murmurs, placing the card onto the table.

GAHH whatt

His focus is fixed on me and far from the game at hand. “Am I distracting you?” I ask sweetly. “When are you not?” “Hmm. Your heart is pounding, Prince,” I whisper against his ear at the feel of it thundering beneath his chest. “It’s a close game,” he murmurs. “And I’m not accustomed to losing.” I scoff softly. “No, you’re used to that pretty face and title of yours getting you everything you want.” He pulls back enough to look me in the eyes, allowing me to glimpse the emotion peeking through the cracks in his mask. His gray gaze travels over my face, taking in every disheveled inch of me. “Not everything.”

“You think so highly of yourself.” “Someone has to.” His following accusation has my head whipping toward him. “Since you’re still denying that you think I’m pretty.” “Well, I don’t think you’re pretty.” “You know, I almost believe you.” He throws me a bemused look. “You are rather convincing. Especially so during your performance on my lap.”

intention of even becoming a murderer that day.” He pauses,

I hate when it’s like this. When we don’t speak. When she acts like my prisoner. “Your braid is falling out.” It’s not, actually. But I’m pathetic and couldn’t think of a better way to break the silence.

Emotion flits across her face. “Well, I’m sure you’ve brushed up on your skills since then.” I’m only confused for a moment before realization rams into me. She thinks I’ve been with other women. The thought almost makes me laugh, and yet, I play along. “Does that bother you, Gray?” She ducks into a dim side street, pulling me with her. “Are you going to fix this, or should I?” She’s still attempting to unravel the braid when I lean against the wall. “That wasn’t an answer.” “What do you want me to say?” she huffs, whipping the braid behind her. “That you braiding another woman’s hair bothers me? That’s pathetic, and I won’t say it.”

you just did boo

I smile. “There is no reason to be jealous—” She cuts through my words. “Really? Because it sounds like—” “Of my sister,” I finish, talking over her.

“So, I’ve never braided the hair of a lover. And I hardly think my four-year-old sister is anyone to be jealous of.” A quick smile lifts her lips in understanding. She is familiar with the sound of a subject change. “As if I would be jealous to begin with.” I sigh in relief at her willingness to play with me. “It’s cute when you pretend you’re not.” A quick roll of her eyes before she’s running her fingers over the braid. “Not bad, Azer. I’m not fully convinced you haven’t been practicing on someone.” “Just you, darling.”

“No. I won’t give you the satisfaction of making me laugh.” “But then you’d be depriving me of the sound.” I fall silent, dropping the hand from my face. He shifts behind me, clears his throat, feels unsure, as though he’s surprised by his own words. This is the part where I should tease him, should tell him that flirting is futile. But his tone is familiar, feeling like dancing in a dark room and thumb wars under willow trees. The way the words rolled off his tongue felt like a light flick to the tip of my nose, like calloused fingers braiding silver hair. It felt like Kai.

Taking a deep breath, I begin gently uncurling his fingers from the reins, stopping at even the slightest stir. When his left hand is free, he reaches for something, flexing his fingers instinctively. I swallow, placing my palm atop his own before threading my fingers through his. I hold my breath until he stops stirring, seemingly content to be holding my hand instead of the reins.

“Who said I was trying to make it anywhere? What if I just wanted to hold the reins?” “And my hand?” he asks. “Just wanted to hold that, too?” I had forgotten my fingers were still laced with his and quickly untangle them. “I liked you much better when you were asleep,” I say sweetly. “Good to hear you liked me at all.”

His smile seems sad. “Yes, when I was belligerently drunk. Which was your fault, by the way.” “My fault?” I scoff. “How was that my fault?” “You were dancing with my brother; that’s how.” He spins me then, surprising me into tripping over my feet. “You were giving him that look like you do.” “What look?” “I’m not quite sure,” he says quietly. “You never gave it to me.”

nah babe hold up

“I wanted her to be formidable. Recklessly bold. Powerful despite ability.” I stare at him, taking in each word. “I am none of those things,” I whisper. He drops my hand to brush gentle fingers beneath my chin, raising my face up toward his. “You are much more than those things.” “You overestimate me.” “No. I just see you.”

I FUCKING LOVE IT HERE

“Don’t hurt yourself, darling.” Before I even have the chance to respond, he’s wrapping his arm fully around my waist and lifting me onto his boots. “What the hell…?” He grins, flashing both dimples at me. “Let me dance for the both of us.”

He nods, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m sorry I did this to you.” I sniffle quietly. “Did what?” “This hurt,” he murmurs.

“He used to dance for me until I fell asleep,” I whisper against his chest. I feel him nod against my hair. “Then we’ll dance until you’re dreaming of him.”

She’s so very deceiving. So Elite in likeness. It’s startling, feeling no power from her. A sound slips past her lips, soft and sleepy. I fight the urge to wrap my free arm around her, to brush my lips across her neck. Despite everything, I struggle to not want her. Something has shifted between us, and yet, nothing at all has changed. She’s the same Paedyn I knew before finding out she was Ordinary. The same Paedyn I knew before she killed the king. The same Paedyn I was falling for.

She clears her throat, suddenly looking very much awake. “Would you like me to keep trying to escape?” “It is rather entertaining,” I say casually, despite feeling anything but. “Good to hear. Because I wasn’t planning to stop.”

She shakes her head at me, disappointment drowning her features. “What the hell is wrong with you? Seriously.” She half laughs. “I’d love to know. This could have gotten infected. Why didn’t you tell me?” “Because I’ve survived far worse, Gray.” Her gaze softens. “That doesn’t mean you keep suffering just because you know you can.” I study her face, the way she bites the inside of her cheek in concentration or blinks rapidly in frustration. When her fingers curl around the hem of my shirt, I feel my heart stutter in my chest. “I need this up,” she says softly, pushing the fabric to expose my stomach. I swallow. “Always trying to get me naked, aren’t you, darling?” “No, but I am always saving your ass, Prince.”

“You know,” I say, raising my voice. “I pee too. I don’t understand why I have to plug my ears and shout every time.” “Of course, you don’t.” She’s suddenly behind me, and I uncover my ears before turning to face her. “You’re a man.”