Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead

by Sheryl Sandberg

When companies grow more slowly or stop growing, there is less to do and too many people to not be doing them. Politics and stagnation set in, and everyone falters. He told me, “If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, you don’t ask what seat. You just get on.”

But within any field, there are jobs that have more potential for growth than others.

brother has always elected to work where his expertise would be in demand so he can have the greatest impact.

“How can I improve?” If I am afraid to do something, it is usually because I am not good at it or perhaps am too scared even to try. After working at Google for more than four years, managing well over half of the company’s revenues, I was embarrassed to admit that I had never negotiated a business deal.

As I did when I joined Google, I prioritized potential for fast growth and the mission of the company above title.

women need to be more open to taking risks in their careers.

The cost of stability is often diminished opportunities for growth.

And when female managers move up, they are more likely to do so internally instead of switching to a different company.

At times, staying in the same functional area and in the same organization creates inertia and limits opportunity to expand. Seeking out diverse experiences is useful preparation for leadership.

One reason women avoid stretch assignments and new challenges is that they worry too much about whether they currently have the skills they need for a new role. This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, since so many abilities are acquired on the job.

Women need to shift from thinking “I’m not ready to do that” to thinking “I want to do that—and I’ll learn by doing it.”

Women are also more reluctant to apply for promotions even when deserved, often believing that good job performance will naturally lead to rewards.

“Tiara Syndrome,” where women “expect that if they keep doing their job well someone will notice them and place a tiara on their head.”

Hard work and results should be recognized by others, but when they aren’t, advocating for oneself becomes necessary.

Taking risks, choosing growth, challenging ourselves, and asking for promotions (with smiles on our faces, of course) are all important elements of managing a career.

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

When someone finds the right mentor, it is obvious. The question becomes a statement.

“I mentor when I see something and say, ‘I want to see that grow.’

The men were focusing on how to manage a business and the women were focusing on how to manage a career.

Once again, we are teaching women to be too dependent on others.

No matter how crucial these connections are, they probably won’t develop from asking a virtual stranger, “Will you be my mentor?” The strongest relationships spring out of a real and often earned connection felt by both sides.

Studies show that mentors select protégés based on performance and potential.

Intuitively, people invest in those who stand out for their talent or who can really benefit from help.

“Excel and you will get a mentor.”

And he always follows up to let me know the results of our discussion.

Leading with a vague question such as, “What is Facebook’s culture like?” shows more ignorance than interest in the company, since there are hundreds of articles that provide this answer.

figure out what I wanted to do before I went to see the people who had the ability to hire me. That

Mentorship is often a more reciprocal relationship than it may appear, especially in situations where people are already working at the same company. The mentee may receive more direct assistance, but the mentor receives benefits too, including useful information, greater commitment from colleagues, and a sense of fulfillment and pride.

The relationship is more important than the label.

focus on specific problems with real solutions.

About using Mentors time

Sometimes high-potential women have a difficult time asking for help because they don’t want to appear stumped. Being unsure about how to proceed is the most natural feeling in the world.

Mentoring and sponsoring relationships often form between individuals who have common interests or when the junior members remind the more senior members of themselves.

And since there are already a reduced number of women in leadership roles, it is not possible for the junior women to get enough support unless senior men jump in too. We need to make male leaders aware of this shortage and encourage them to widen their circle.

Personal connections lead to assignments and promotions, so it needs to be okay for men and women to spend informal time together the same way men can.

A senior man and a junior woman at a bar can also be mentoring . . . but it looks like dating. This interpretation holds women back and creates a double bind.

When I first joined Facebook, one of my biggest challenges was setting up the necessary business processes without harming the freewheeling culture. The company operated by moving quickly and tolerating mistakes, and lots of people were nervous that I would

Naomi always told me the truth, even if she thought it would be hard for me to hear. She still does this for me today.

I knew exactly how that baby bird felt when he finally found his mother.

“Really, the whole baby is in your tummy? Are you sure?” “Yes, the whole baby is in my tummy.” “Then, Mommy, what’s growing in your butt?”

Hahaha

reticence

The quality.of being reserve

All organizations have some form of hierarchy, which means that someone’s performance is assessed by someone else’s perception.

Communication works best when we combine appropriateness with authenticity, finding that sweet spot where opinions are not brutally honest but delicately honest. Speaking truthfully without hurting feelings comes naturally to some and is an acquired skill for others. I definitely needed help in this area. Fortunately, I found it.

great leadership is “conscious” leadership.

Fred

Rarely is there one absolute truth, so people who believe that they speak the truth are very silencing of others.

Compare these two statements: “You never take my suggestions seriously” and “I feel frustrated that you have not responded to my last four e-mails, which leads me to believe that my suggestions are not that important to you. Is that so?”

Huh? With all of these caveats, it’s hard to decipher what the speaker actually thinks.

HAahaahaah

One thing that helps is to remember that feedback, like truth, is not absolute. Feedback is an opinion, grounded in observations and experiences, which allows us to know what impression we make on others.

Feedback not truth

“How can I do better?” “What am I doing that I don’t know?” “What am I not doing that I don’t see?” These questions can lead to so many benefits. And believe me, the truth hurts. Even when I have solicited feedback, any judgment can feel harsh. But the upside of painful knowledge is so much greater than the downside of blissful ignorance.

I initiated conversation by asking what I could do to help them achieve their goals.

I have a tendency to get impatient about unresolved situations.