The Raven King (All for the Game, #2)

by Nora Sakavic

"Most everyone is waiting for something to happen with you two. Even Nicky thinks it's inevitable. But Renee promised Allison nothing would come of it. Allison said as much to Seth. Why?" "Does it matter?" Neil gave an uncomfortable shrug. "Yes? No? It should be—it is—irrelevant, but…"

"I'm just trying to understand."

"Sometimes you're interesting enough to keep around. Other times you're so astoundingly stupid I can barely stand the sight of you." Neil scowled at him. "Forget it. I'll ask Renee." "You'll have to stop avoiding her first."

He had to trust that they were all there, safe and having fun. He was content to watch and imagine. Lonely, too, but there was nothing he could do about that.

Both she and Wymack lost their parents to prison violence, but no one dared attack his father. It would solve a world of problems for Neil if a few inmates could just work up enough aggression and courage.

"Then why don't you and Andrew work?" Neil asked. "I'm sorry," Renee said. "Work how?" "Why haven't you asked him out?"

He didn't want to tell her he'd spent Friday night thinking about dying. He hadn't wanted to think about a future he didn't have, so he stood at the railing and thought about his teammates instead. It was a strange exercise, as fascinating as it was discomforting.

The only one besides Neil who didn't have a way out was Andrew. Kevin and Nicky both thought they had the right solution for Andrew's problem, but Neil wasn't sure anymore which one of them he believed.

"I'm not Andrew's type, Neil. There's nothing between us."

"When I said I wasn't Andrew's type, I meant it. It's not about my looks or faith. It's that I'm a woman."

"Oh. Then Andrew and Kevin—"

"Oh, no. You'll meet Kevin's girlfriend later this year, I'm sure." "You're lying." Neil stared at her. "Kevin doesn't have a girlfriend. He's under too much scrutiny from the press and his fans to hide that kind of thing."

Imagining them having a serious conversation—as serious as a drugged Andrew could be, anyway—about Andrew's closeted sexuality was equally impossible.

"If you've trusted Andrew with anything, he hasn't shared the details with me and he never will. But if you are as like us as we first predicted you to be, perhaps one day you can also come to see me as a friend. We're all here because we have problems, Neil. That doesn't mean all our problems are the same. Dan and Matt try to understand the things I've seen and done, but they will never fully succeed. Andrew understands me, and I him. It's comforting knowing someone else has been where we once were. If either Andrew or I can help you, please know we are here."

But he listens to you, right? I mean, you talked him into a team party. Maybe you can talk him into a family dinner somehow."

"I didn't talk him into anything," Neil pointed out. "I said it was the smart thing to do and he agreed. This is more complicated and I shouldn't have a say in it. I could tell him it's obviously important to you to patch things up with your parents, but you and I both know how he'll probably react to that."

This wasn't his family. It wasn't his problem. It wasn't his mother.

She was gone forever. Neil would never hear her voice again and would never get another phone call from her. She'd never sit him down and explain why she'd run or apologize for hiding his connection to the Moriyamas. She'd never watch him play with the Foxes in semifinals. She wouldn't be there when he gave his testimony. She wouldn't be there when he died.

"He said it was a misunderstanding."

"Shh," Andrew said, soft like he was reassuring a cornered animal. "Shh, don't say that. I hate the sound of that word. I warned you once so you'd know better than to use it again. Why would you risk it?" "Andrew," Neil started. "No." Andrew didn't raise his voice, but he didn't have to for Neil to hear the warning in it.

"Or we could stay here." "Not as interesting," Neil said. "Appealing to my nonexistent attention span is a cheap trick," Andrew said. "But is it effective?" "You wish it was." "Please?" "I hate that word." "Does your shrink know you have a grudge against half of the English language?"

"Guess she hit him one time too many. I warned her not to lay a hand on him, but she didn't listen to me. She got what was coming to her. Does that frighten you, Neil?"

"My first memories are of people dying," Neil said. "I'm not afraid of you." "That's why you're so interesting," Andrew said. "How aggravating."

"Why are you so special?" Matt asked. "I'm not," Neil said, confused. "Andrew doesn't give ground to anybody. Why does he keep saying yes to you?" "He's high," Neil said, twirling a finger near his temple. "He thinks it's funny."

"I never took you for a dreamer. You are so strange sometimes."

"Oh, Neil." "That's not an answer." "That wasn't a question," Andrew said. "It was a misguided accusation."

People talked about his trial and how it saved them from Andrew. No one said what they were doing to save Andrew from himself.

So what is it? Are you afraid of your own happiness or do you honestly like being miserable all the time?" "Neil, look," Andrew said, and pointed up at his own face. "Do I look miserable?"

"You look drugged within an inch of your life," Neil said, "and when you're not medicated you're drinking and dusting. When they finally take your medicine away, who are you going to hurt, really?" Andrew laughed. "I'm remembering why I don't like you." "I'm surprised you forgot." "I didn't," Andrew said. "I just got distracted for a moment there. I told her it was a mistake to let you stay, but she didn't believe me. Now look. Oh, for once I don't even want to bother with the 'I told you so'. You ruin all my fun."

Andrew put his hand over Neil's mouth to shut him up and said, "Liar. But that's what makes you interesting. It's also what makes you dangerous. I should know better by now. Maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was. Should I be disappointed or amused?"

"We cannot condone sin," Maria said. "You don't have to love the sin," Nicky said, "but you're supposed to forgive and love the sinner. Isn't that what faith is about?" "Faith is following our Lord's creed," Luther said. "But I can't be that black and white," Nicky said piteously. "I won't. Why did you call us down here if we're just going to have the same old fight again?"

There was blood on Drake's face in jagged lines, injuries wrought by desperate fingernails. The heavy length of his body, tattooed and muscular, kept Andrew pinned to the mattress with its weight alone. An arm across the back of Andrew's neck forced his face ear-deep in a blood-splattered pillow. Drake's other hand was up at the headboard, squeezed so tight around Andrew's wrists Andrew's fingers were ghostly white and bloodless. Neil saw too much blood and too much skin. He knew what he was seeing, knew what this meant, but couldn't believe it yet. That didn't stop him from leaping at Drake. Aaron was faster. He barreled past Neil almost hard enough to take Neil off his feet. Drake looked like he could take any of them in a fight, even with his pants around his ankles, but he was too tangled in the sheets to get up fast enough.

"Andrew, I didn't—he—" Andrew spat a couple times and gasped for breath. "Quiet, quiet. Quiet. Look at me," he said, but it took him a while longer before he could sit up and face Aaron again. He pressed a hand to Aaron's bloodied shirt. "It's everywhere. What did he do?" "It's not mine," Aaron said. "It's not mine, it's—Andrew, he—" Andrew touched Aaron's temple where he himself was injured as if he expected to find an identical injury there. "Did he touch you?" "What did he—" Andrew knotted his fingers in Aaron's hair and yanked to shut him up. "Answer me. I said, did he touch you?" "No," Aaron said. "I'm going to kill him," Andrew said. "He's already dead," Neil said.

"Looks like I was right about him after all. Or do you still think this is all a big misunderstanding? Go on, tell me again how I'm too unbalanced to understand normal brotherly affection and love. Tell me this is natural."

Six, Luther. I'm no good at math but even I know that six is an awful lot higher than zero. How many do you think were in her house when Drake was home between deployments?

"Andrew," Neil started. "Just so we're clear, I'll kill you."

Neil didn't know if this was sheer Fox bad luck, if he'd jinxed all of this by his very presence, or if rape and murder were always this complicated. He didn't know; he could barely think anymore.

He didn't know how to tell the truth now. If he tried, would it still be the truth, or would he poison the words by saying them aloud? Would it be instinctive to twist it? He wouldn't risk it. Andrew didn't deserve that.

He wanted to say this wasn't his fault, but they both knew it was. Andrew hadn't told him about Drake, but he'd said Luther betrayed his trust. Instead of listening to that, Neil sided with Nicky's hopeful grief. He hadn't invited Drake to South Carolina, but he'd delivered Andrew into his waiting arms.

Cass left it up to me, but whenever she wasn't looking Drake tried talking me into it. He wanted to get both of us in the same place. He could imagine what we'd look like in bed together, he said. It'd be picture perfect."

"He really did it, didn't he? Probably the most decisive thing he's ever managed. Where was that spine when his mother was beating him? It would have come in handy all those years. Someone ought to congratulate him."

"Better luck next time, Neil," he said. "I warned you once already, didn't I? I don't feel anything." "Anymore," Neil said, barely a whisper.

He could still smell the blood on his shirt, even through his coat. He didn't know if it was his imagination, but the scent was so thick and sharp he could almost taste the metal tang of it. Every slap of his shoes on the pavement sounded like gunshots. He blinked and saw France, saw Greece, saw that long layover in Lebanon and short trip through Dubai. He remembered the rumbling waves of the Pacific Ocean and his mother's fingers clawing at the air as she struggled for one last breath. Guilt, grief, and pain were corrosive toxins in his veins, tearing him apart from the inside out. He let

them, made them, because these memories were awful but they were things that made sense. That aching loss was all he knew and understood. If he lost sight of them all he had was the unfamiliar cruelty he'd witnessed tonight. He didn't know how to face this yet. He didn't know how to compartmentalize it into something he could tolerate. Maybe he'd figure it out tomorrow. Maybe he'd carry it with him until the Moriyamas killed him. Neil didn't know. He didn't want to know. He ran until he couldn't breathe, but he never stopped hurting.

"Neil," Wymack said, "between you and me, I don't think you've ever been fine."

"Trust you." Andrew enunciated each word like he'd never heard them before. He laughed curled his fingers tight around Neil's chin. "You lie, and lie, and lie, and you think I'll trust you with his life?" "Then don't trust 'Neil'," Neil said. "Trust me." "Oh, but who are you? Do you have a name?" "If you need one, call me Abram." "Should I believe that?"

With so many people watching them Neil couldn't lift his shirt. He did the next best thing and dragged one of Andrew's hands under the hem. He pressed Andrew's palm to the ugly scarring across his abdomen. Andrew's eyes dropped to Neil's shirt like he could see Neil's marred skin through the dark cotton. "Do you understand?" Neil asked. "Nothing Riko does will make me leave him. We will both be here when you get back." Andrew's fingers twitched against Neil's skin. "Someone lied to me. These ouches feel a little rough for a child on the run."

If we survive this year and you're still interested, you can ask me for them later. I think it's your turn in our secrets game, anyway."

himself finish, but he gave an emphatic jerk of his hand. "As if you feel any differently," Kevin sent Neil. Neil fixed Kevin with a stony look. "Maybe if you'd stuck around a moment longer you'd understand why I don't care anymore. When you came upstairs, did you hear him laughing, Kevin? He was," he said, ignoring the way Nicky flinched and the quick look Dan shot Matt, "before Drake even hit the ground. So yes, even I would give up this season. And after everything he's done and every risk he's taken for you, you'd better feel the same." "It's not that simple," Kevin started. "Then simplify it," Neil cut in.

"Oh, hell no," Nicky said, and jerked a thumb at Neil. "I'mma leave that one to him. Thanks for taking one for the team, Neil. You're a real friend."