The Devil Wears Scrubs (Dr. Jane McGill, #1)

by Freida McFadden

The BMI is a calculation based on a patient’s weight and height, and tells us scientifically exactly how overweight a patient is.

People who are that big must have a disease, just like the patients with pancreatic cancer or multiple sclerosis.

Because they’re books. How can you get rid of a book? That’s like throwing away knowledge.

My stomach lets out this super-human growl while I’m bending over my new patient to examine his abdomen. Super embarrassing. The patient raises his eyebrows at me. “Was that you?” “Just a little hungry,” I say with a strangled laugh.

LOL

If there’s ever a seat available, there exists a very clear hierarchy of who may sit. First, the attending gets to sit. Then if there’s another seat, the senior resident can sit. Then if there’s another seat, someone can put their purse there. Then if there’s another seat, a homeless drug addict who wandered into the building can sit there. But after the attending, the resident, the purse, and the homeless guy are all settled, any available seats are all mine.

Call is this horrible thing that happens to you when you’re a doctor. It essentially means that if there’s an issue with one of the patients, the nurses can “call” you. All night long, baby.

In medicine, there is something known as the ROAD specialties, which is an acronym for the four specialties that have the best reimbursement to hours ratio. Basically, great lifestyle with lots of money. ROAD stands for: Radiology Ophthalmology Anesthesiology Dermatology

Pancreatic cancer is Bad Cancer. Not that any kind of cancer is good cancer, but pancreatic cancer has an especially poor prognosis.

“Doing a guaiac”: Stick your finger in the patient’s rectum so you get some poop on your finger, smear the poop on a special card, and see if it changes color when you put a special solution on it, which would indicate the presence of blood.

Immediately, I brace myself. Whenever someone starts a sentence with “no offense but,” it means they’re going to say something really offensive. I hate that phrase. No offense, but if you say that, you’re a jackass.

Here’s the thing: if you were doing a job for over twenty years and then some 25 year old came in and you were expected to take orders from her, how much would you like that person? Not a whole lot, that’s how much.