The Devil Wears Scrubs (Dr. Jane McGill, #1)

by Freida McFadden

Apparently, I’m Jess now.

If there weren’t a chair for me to sit in, I definitely would have cried.

This asshole is wrecking my life right now. And that’s when I lose it.

“This is Dr. McGill with Medicine. I have been calling you the entire night to talk to you about a patient who has an abscess and is extremely ill, and you have not had the courtesy to call me back. Apparently, you have absolutely no concern for patient welfare. I want you to know that I am going to report this behavior to your attending. If anything happens to this patient because you were unwilling to do your job, I intend for you to be found personally liable. Thank you very much.”

Maybe this is why everyone in medicine is so damn mean.

Oh no. I am a complete idiot. Seriously. How in hell did I not realize that Ryan had to have been the surgery resident on call for consults last night?

Sexy Surgeon is about to make me cry.

And I almost get away with it. I am so close.

The really sad part is that I’m less worried about something bad happening to Mr. Swanson than I am about Alyssa yelling at me.

Hours awake: A jillion Chance of quitting: 91%

wouldn’t mind at all if tonight ended in a few drunken smooches.

My pride would take a hit, but it might still be worth it.

And brush my teeth with an honest-to-God toothbrush.

always thought it never expired. Like American cheese.

who has a mustache that makes him look a little like a sex offender,

(I don’t really have herpes, I promise.)

If I were hooked up to a telemetry machine now, they might need to admit me to the hospital.

I hate how into him I am.

(let’s face it) practically salivating over him,

Maybe between the bar and here he turned gay?

LMFAO

I am quite definitely (and sadly) all alone.

dimples I could stick my whole pinky inside.

check the chart—he’s 36.

Hours awake: 4 Chance of quitting: 12%

I almost cry at the realization that this may be the first compliment I’ve received since my intern year started.

(Or save patients, whatever.)

That was about two weeks ago. I’ve now forgotten every single thing I learned in the class and I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do at this code.

Hours awake: 8 Chance of quitting: 47%

“En el cuarto del baño,”

Wow. I didn’t even realize I’d been to the bathroom today.

Hours Awake: 12 Chance of doing something else dumb in the next 18 hours: 110%

as a female (human),

Sexy Surgeon knows how to kiss, that’s for sure.

love to make out with him for another hour or three.

Hours awake: 21 Chance of sexy time in near future: 25%

I want to take her watch and flush it down the toilet.

But I can’t because I don’t have time to go to the bathroom anymore.

I hate everyone in this room.

That puff of gray hair on her head makes her look very wise all of a sudden.

ROAD specialties,

ROAD stands for: Radiology Ophthalmology Anesthesiology Dermatology

Thomas Jefferson? And now I’m really sorry I didn’t check his name before calling because I have to clamp my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing.

Are you aware of how funny this is?

I’ve been a doctor for a whole week, I haven’t killed anyone, and I haven’t even cried. Yet.

I feel exhausted, dumb, and mistreated.

I am now a quarter of a million dollars in debt.

(say that ten times fast).

“Doing a guaiac”: Stick your finger in the patient’s rectum so you get some poop on your finger, smear the poop on a special card, and see if it changes color when you put a special solution on it, which would indicate the presence of blood.

And he’s getting ever closer to my real name too—only one letter left to go. Score!

Shit. (Literally.)