The Good, the Bad, and the Aunties (Aunties, #3)

by Jesse Q. Sutanto

“But we would swim in the pool, not the s—” “Are you talking back to your elders??!”

If they knew that part of my honeymoon with Nathan was a ski trip to Val Thorens, the highest ski resort in France’s Trois Vallées, they would freak out like never before. Probably even more than when I accidentally killed Ah Guan, or when we thought that my wedding vendors were mafia.

“Nathan and I will explain!” I half shout. “Because . . . ah . . .” I scour my mind for possible excuses as to why it should be us and not them. “Because it’ll show that you’ve all done such a great job bringing me up. I’ll be so, so respectful, I promise.” Nathan squeezes my hand and adds, “Yes, we’ll do it. We’ll make you all proud.” Ma reaches over and pats him on the cheek. “Oh, Nathan, we all so proud of you already.” I don’t know why they’re proud of him but not of me, but whatever. “Thanks, Ma,” says Nathan the suck-up.

She’s giving me serious Michelle Yeoh vibes, including Michelle Yeoh’s deadly martial arts ability.

“I’m so sorry,” Nathan says in his smooth, rich voice. “Meddy and I—it’s our first Chinese New Year as a married couple, and we were so excited to finally be able to give out red packets to the kids. I might have rushed her into doing it.” I can’t decide whether I’m grateful or frustrated at Nathan for taking on all of the blame for us. I stare up at him, wanting to hug him and kiss him, and also smack his gorgeous face.

“My, my,” she muses, “they don’t make jawlines like this very often.” She turns his face this way and that. “Oof, very good nose. Very mancung.” She smiles at me, her hand still clutched around his jawline. “He’s a good-looking one, isn’t he? He’ll give you very handsome children, my dear.” “Aiya, this is why I always say, quickly have children,” Ma cries with enthusiasm, seemingly having forgotten that her son-in-law is in the literal clutches of a mafia lord. “Very beautiful grandchildren.” “Yes, thank you.” I force a smile. “Could I, um, could I have him back, please?” Julia Child lets go of Nathan, who sags with obvious relief. “I’m afraid not, my dear.” It takes a second for her words to sink in. “I’m sorry?” Julia Child leans back, looking relaxed, completely unperturbed. “My dear, I’ve been in this business long enough to know who has a killer instinct and who doesn’t.” “What—” “You, my dear girl, have it. So does your family.” She nods at Ma and the aunties, who smile like she’s told them they have beautiful eyes. I want to scream at them that it’s not exactly a compliment she’s giving them. She nods at Nathan. “But this one doesn’t. He’s an innocent babe. Look at him, so pure.” Nathan squares his shoulders, trying to look—I don’t know—manly? Julia Child scoffs. “Oh, I’m sure you’re good at what you do, dear.” She pats his knee. “But you’re not a criminal.” “We’re not criminals!” I cry instinctively. Julia Child looks at me. Then she looks at Ma and the aunties ver...

“How long are you going to let Nathan sleep in?” Elsa asks, sipping her coffee. “If he sleeps in too long, he’s never going to get to sleep tonight.” Oh god. I can practically feel my pores opening up and sweat seeping out. Nathan. How the hell have I forgotten that nobody else knows that Nathan’s not here? “Uh—” Quick, come up with a good answer! A believable answer! Anything! “Tch, let the poor man sleep,” Fourth Aunt laughs. “They’re newlyweds, you don’t want to know what those two get up to at night.” She gives us an exaggerated wink. “Ew.” Jems makes a face. “Please, Auntie Mimi, don’t put such images in my head.” “I’m just saying.” Fourth Aunt shrugs. “If a newlywed husband isn’t left completely wrecked in the morning, then something ain’t right.” With that, she cackles while Jems and Elsa make gagging noises.

“He’s a very charming young man, isn’t he, your husband? I can see why you like him so much.”

“We’ll sleep on it,” I say finally, not wanting to completely give in to them. “We won’t leave tonight, but I’m leaning on leaving tomorrow, if that’s okay with you, Ma?” Ma sighs. “Of course is okay with me. Why not okay with me? Is okay you want to leave me behind, forget all about your mother.” “We’re not leaving you behind,” I say through gritted teeth. “We’re literally asking you to come with us.” “And lose face,” Ma snaps. “What we will say to everyone? They will ask so many questions.” “We’ll sleep on it,” Nathan says in his usual firm but gentle way.

The rest of us pore over the dining table, working on making our plan as watertight as we can. Nathan writes the plan into a list. A to-do list on How to Break into a Not-Triad Leader’s House.

“Or a dungeon.” “I’m sorry, what?” I blurt out. Abi and Julia Child glance at each other and sigh. “Well, there is a high chance that Kristofer has a specific room made for—” “For what?” I cry out. “For imprisoning people? Torturing them? Oh god. How can you still maintain that he’s a legit businessman?” Abi frowns. “Not to torture them. God, I’m telling you, we’re not triad leaders. We don’t do such things.” “No, you just kidnap people and lock them up in a literal cell in your mansions. Oh god,” I moan. “Tch.” Julia Child shakes her head. “I wouldn’t call it a dungeon. How silly. It’s more like a wine cellar. We all have one, we’re not animals. Where else would we keep our vintage wines, so carefully imported from France, if not the cellar?” So this is what being gaslit feels like. I honestly have no idea who’s telling the truth. But I guess it doesn’t matter. Either way, whatever they are, legit businesspeople or triad leaders, there is no question about it. We’re still going to get Second Aunt out.

“Thank you, Fourth Aunt. I’ll go change now.” I stride around to the other side of the van for some modicum of privacy without looking back at Nathan. I can’t bear the thought of looking at him and seeing disapproval, or worse still, disappointment. I’m not a good person. I’m not as kind as him, as giving, as pure, as— “Mind if I join you?” I startle, my shirt already halfway unbuttoned. Nathan stands before me with a crooked half smile. “So, this is kind of . . . out there, huh?” He starts unbuttoning his own shirt. “Yeah.” I focus on taking off my shirt, unable to meet his eye. I feel so ashamed for dragging him into yet another of my family’s messes. “You okay?” He takes off his shirt, and now he’s standing before me with his stupidly perfect abs on full display. I take a deep breath and avoid looking at his abs because they’re so distracting. This is the time to do it. I have to say this. I have to give him an out. “You can sit this one out. I won’t hold it against you.” “What? Meddy, look at me.” His eyes are somber, his jaw clenched, but—I realize with a start—not with anger. With worry. A lump forms in my throat. “Hey, we’re a family now. And you and your aunts—you’re exactly the kind of family I have always wanted to have. The kind of family that would burn down the world to protect one another. Do you realize what a privilege it is to be included in your family?” It’s as though he’s just given my lungs permission to breathe. Air sparkles through my body, bringing ...

“That was really quick thinking, Big Aunt,” Nathan says, wiping his brow. Big Aunt sniffs. “Lucky for you all, I think very fast on my head. You see, this what you get when you working as head chef. Something go wrong—something always going wrong, no event has perfect record—the most important thing is, quickly think: How I solve this?” Nathan gives her a sheepish smile. “I feel like I should’ve reacted faster, because you’re right, nothing ever goes perfectly, and being in the hotel business, I for one should’ve known that. But I just—I froze. I’m sorry. I’ll do better next time.” Ma leans over and pats him gently on the arm. “Is okay, Nathan, is because you not use to breaking into other people house, ya? Because you such a good boy. But Meddy—” She levels her gaze at me, her eyes narrowing. “Meddy should know better. She seasoned criminal already.” “What?” I cry. Ma holds up her index finger. “Kill Ah Guan, hide his body, lie to police . . .” “Okay, okay, I get it.” “But Nathan, he innocent boy.” Ma smiles at him and pinches his cheek. “Thanks, Ma.” He beams at her. The little suck-up.

“We’ll do our best, Big Aunt,” Nathan says. Of course, he’s somehow managed to carry his tray exactly the way Big Aunt has shown us. Big Aunt nods with apparent fondness at Nathan. I’ve never even seen her look at her own son with such affection before. How is Nathan so effortlessly, infuriatingly good at everything? If Second Aunt weren’t in danger right now, I would’ve been tempted to stick out my foot and trip him.

When we’re sufficiently out of hearing range, she waves at my tray. “Bring that closer.” I do so, wondering what she’s up to, and she dips into her cleavage and takes out a packet of brown powder. I wince. “Ma’s concoction?” “Hey, it’s never failed us before.” She divides the contents of the package among the four champagne flutes and stirs it with her index finger until everything is dissolved. She pauses and quirks an eyebrow up at me. “You gonna whine about it being unhygienic?” I shrug defensively. “I mean, no.” I kind of was. She unbuttons the top two buttons of her top, until the lace trimming of her bra is showing, then smiles at me. “Showtime.” God help us.

“It’s weird that they have cams in the bedrooms as well,” I mutter. “Feels like a real breach of privacy, doesn’t it?” Fourth Aunt shrugs. “My guess is that they get turned off in the evenings.” She pauses, a wicked grin melting across her face. “Or maybe not. Maybe Mr. Kristofer is into that kind of thing. The more I learn about this guy, the more I like him.” “Fourth Aunt,” I groan. “You really need better taste in men.” “Hey, I know what I like, and I’m not going to apologize for it.”

“I can’t believe it. I still can’t. What are you doing here? I thought you’d moved away from Jakarta.” “Oh, I came back for Chinese New Year,” Fourth Aunt says airily, pulling her hand back and sparing him another cool smile. Kristofer gasps. “Oh my goodness, are you—” He lowers his voice and steps closer to Fourth Aunt. “Are you here to give a private performance? That Robert, he is truly the best friend I could ever ask for. I can’t believe he invited you here to perform for me.” “Yes, he’s a good friend indeed,” Fourth Aunt agrees. “But listen, I’m not actually here to—” “You know, this is perfect timing because I’ve just had a whole new Bang & Olufsen sound system installed in my house, including . . .” He pauses for effect. “A vintage Neumann microphone.” You could practically see the sun rising behind Fourth Aunt’s eyes. In one moment, her face goes from mild disinterest to delighted shock. It’s as though there are tiny, invisible hands pulling up her face. Her eyebrows go up, her eyes open wide, her cheeks defy gravity. “Bang & Olufsen? Vintage Neumann microphone?” “Yep. My family’s very into karaoke. I even had an electric stage built into the center of the living room. It’s hidden in the floor, all I have to do is hit a button, and it’ll rise slowly and majestically up.” He raises his palms to illustrate, and Fourth Aunt’s expression turns from bright to blinding. She’s probably already seeing herself on this stage, grabbing the vintage Neumann microphone and belt...

But of course we couldn’t. Because I wouldn’t have done anything to endanger . . . My hands go to my belly, cupping it protectively, feeling painfully aware of the tiny thing growing inside it.

OMG???

“You’re in love with Julia Child.” The words rush out of me like a raging river, unstoppable. “She’s in love with you too. All these years. Your wife knew it. Abi never had a relationship with Julia Child. He was always in love with my aunt, Enjelin.”

Big Aunt nods sagely. “I think you two will make even better match now.” “Oh yes,” Ma chirps happily. “I can see in your face, you still love each other, ya? Is all in the eye. The way you look at each other, wah, such fire. I see in Meddy and Nathan, you see how they look at each other?” “Like they’re always undressing each other mentally,” Fourth Aunt mutters. “It’s really quite disturbing.”