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GETTING EATEN BY A GIANT CROCODILE was bad enough. The kid with the glowing sword only made my day worse.
Okay, that last part is an exaggeration. Not all the gods want me dead. Just a lot of them—
But they were all at the First Nome, in Egypt, for a weeklong training session on controlling cheese demons (yes, they’re a real thing; believe me, you don’t want to know),
I almost hoped it was Sobek. At least then I stood a chance of talking to him before he killed me. Sobek loved to boast.
After all the dangerous adventures I’d had, I couldn’t die like this. Sadie would be devastated. Then, once she got over her grief, she’d track down my soul in the Egyptian afterlife and tease me mercilessly for how stupid I’d been.
A giant fist the size of a dishwasher shimmered into existence and slammed Camper Boy into the next county.
Even if this guy was a jerk, magicians weren’t supposed to go around sucker-punching kids into orbit with the Fist of Horus.
“Deal. Now, could you please untie my sword hand from my head? I feel like a freaking unicorn.”
Unfortunately, the all-American scene was kind of ruined by the monster, who was busily eating a green Prius hatchback with a bumper sticker that read MY POODLE IS SMARTER THAN YOUR HONOR STUDENT.
First random thought: Getting eaten twice in one day would be very embarrassing.
That was the smartest thing he’d said all afternoon (not that he’d said a lot of smart things to choose from).
Instantly the world’s most deformed hippopotamus sprang to life in midair. It sailed headfirst into the crocodile’s left nostril and lodged there, kicking its stubby back legs. Not exactly my finest tactical move; but having a hippo shoved up his nose must have been sufficiently distracting.
If nothing else, we would die knowing that we’d confused this monster many, many times.
