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“If you don’t love yourself, Lily, how can anyone love you back?”
The stars twinkle overhead as all of my sisters soak in the warm, bubbling hot tub at the bow of the yacht. For this quiet hour, it seems like we’re the only ones who exist.
i love books like this, where they're rich & go on trips like these :') it's so fun
And then I freeze at the bottom. Lo sits outside our room, empty-handed. His head hangs low, and when he sees me, he jumps to his feet. I fossilize and feel the server’s body-heat right behind me.
the sharp breath i just took.
He scowls darkly and then touches his chest. “I’m clearly an option, and yet you still can’t ask me. I don’t fucking get it. Am I that revolting to you? You would rather go through withdrawals and bang some asshole than sleep with me?” I gape, choked for a response. He wants to sleep with me? “I’m not going to use you like I do these other guys,” I murmur. “Goddammit, Lily,” he curses. “I am standing here telling you that I want to have sex with you, and you still can’t accept it.
PERIODDDDDD. my lack of sleep is worth this tension. holy.
“You’re not going to be another name on my list of guys for the week. Okay?” His nose flares, breathing heavily. And he starts closing the distance between us. “Lo,” I warn. “Have you ever thought about it?” I watch his feet near, my pulse racing. “Have you ever thought about me inside you?”
LO!!! I'M LIT GOING INSANE RIGHT NOW.
“Where I don’t share you with any other man.” All the time. “Yes.” I keep expecting to wake up. “If I could be enough to fill you, would you let me?” I look at him. “Yes.” “Then let me try,” he says, his hand cupping my face. “Let me try to be enough for you.” “That’s a big undertaking,” I tell him, my body swelling. His lips brush mine as he whispers. “I’m big enough to take it.” Oh… “Let me. Help you.” He places my palm over his swim trunks, right on his crotch. Yes.
HELLOOOOOO.
“Help me,” I say, breathlessly. He grips the back of my neck, hard, plunging his tongue in my mouth.
WAR. IS. OVER. (*not even close, but let me have this moment).
I try to flip over so I can be on top, but he refuses my demands, keeping my body trapped beneath his weight.
GIRLLL. OMG. loren hale wants to be in contollll.
“I’m not one of your conquests,” he says in a throaty voice. “I know what you want, and you don’t need to take it. I can give it to you.”
SCREAMINGGGG.
Unbearable seconds tick by, and I squirm, impatient. He smiles and kisses me again, long and hard.
THE CHEEKY BASTARD.
He grips my chin, still moving against me, and turns my face to his. “Look at me.”
OHMYGODDDDD.
I am lost to his scotch-colored irises. To the way he stares into me. No one has ever looked at me like this.
I had everything with you, the good and bad parts of a real relationship, except the sex.” He inhales deeply. “I wanted it, but on your terms.”
“The worst part was hearing you.” He shakes his head. “You know, I’d stay awake, listening to you, wondering if your cries would turn terrified, wondering if some guy decided to take advantage or hurt you. But I can’t…” He pauses on the words. But I know. “You can’t tell me to stop.” Because it’s hypocritical. He won’t quit drinking, not for me, not for anything.
“Do you want a rating or something?” I try to lighten the mood. His face sharpens, all hard lines, all ice, all Loren Hale. “I’m open to criticism.” He finishes off his drink.
10/10.
“You’re enough,” I tell him, my voice small, “but I can’t lie to you. I worry that in the future, you won’t be. And then what? I’ve never been committed to one guy, Lo. For you, I’d try, but…what if I fail?” “You’ll still be having sex,” he says. “You’ll just be having crazy, mind-numbing sex with me. Every day. On your terms. And if you slip up, it’s okay.”
“I want to love you more than I love this”—he waves his bottle—“and I don’t know how else to do it unless there’s something to lose.”
LOREN. HALE.
“We’re terrible at so many things—remembering important dates, college, making friends—but the one thing we’ve always been halfway decent at is being together. We owe it to ourselves to try.” “Okay,” I say in a small breath. His smile grows and he kisses me hard, cementing our new deal—or breaking our old one.
“Lily.” His voice cuts into my thoughts. I stop pacing. Holy shit, when did I start pacing? “You okay?” “I’m fine.” I go back to the fruit. “You seem awfully fascinated by those apples.” “Yep.” “Okay, enough.” He sets down his glass and edges close to me. “Ever since we returned from the Bahamas, you’ve been nervous and jittery whenever you obviously need sex.
Now I just get the reward instead of watching some douchebag take it.”
I see something in his eyes—a desire that I hadn’t noticed before. It’s filled with determination, as though convincing me that he’s enough. I hope and pray and wish that he is. Only time will tell.
please be enough. i don't think i can handle it if she sleeps with someone else :')
“This isn’t a Mexican restaurant where you can eat free chips and then leave. The bread costs money.” Oh, the premium bread costs money! Who would have thought? “You have to order eventually.”
i mean, obviolusly????? let the girl decide, like who even are you???
“We’d like a bottle of your most expensive champagne to go. We’ll be leaving after that.” He hands the manager his black American Express card. The slack-jawed waiter straightens up. “That’s the Pernod-Ricard Perrier Jouet. It’s over four thousand dollars.” “That’s it?” Lo says with the tilt of his head, feigning shock.
MY MANNNN.
I hate that I had to pull out my wallet and buy respect.”
“You’re not him,”
DO I LOOK LIKE HIM.
He guides me to the taco stand, his lips by my ear the whole time, whispering some R-rated things that he would like to do to me for being so bad.
oh???? LO, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE LIKE THATTTT.
“You want hot sauce on those chicken, right?” “No, not today.” I frown. “You always get hot sauce.” “And you hate spicy food.” WhaaatOhhhh. It clicks. He plans to kiss me sometime soon. That, I like. We pick up our orders, pay and settle down across the street on the fountain ledge. He gently rocks the champagne cork from the bottle and it sighs once released. He pours each of us enough to fill our two flimsy Styrofoam cups.
AWHH. this is literally first-date-vibes. they're so adorable :')
“You know the sad part of that story. I actually used those condoms.” He snorts on his champagne, choking on the alcohol.
IMCRYINGG.
“I love all of you.” He raises my chin with a finger and kisses me so delicately that I wonder who the man is on the other side of me. The tenderness draws me in, and I lose breath in the short moment. I break away first, not sure if I can last kissing him like this without the promise of wild, passionate sex. He raises his eyebrows, putting his cup to his lips, grinning. Yes, he knows exactly how I feel right now. I’m so transparent.
he's so FINE.
“There has to be some perks to having a birthday on Halloween.”
LOREN HALE & HUGHIE BIGGS.
my halloween babies. i lit just read r10 before starting this series toooo.
“Take these numbers into account, not these.” My tutor gives me a concerned look. “Do you follow?”
GUYS. MY FRIEND ALREADY READ THIS AND TOLD ME CONNOR WILL BE LILY'S TUTOR, SO......
IS THIS CONNOR???!!
Connor.
AAAAAAAAAA. THIS IS YOUR FUTURE BROTHER-IN-LAW.
“Lily Calloway.” His head jerks back in surprise. “You wouldn’t happen to be related to Rose Calloway?”
OH??????
She’s wicked smart. I’m surprised you didn’t ask her to tutor you.”
i already know i'm gonna love them. holy.
“I think you’d have to be built of armor to learn anything from Rose. She’s a tough teacher.” His eyebrows rise as he finishes off his coffee. “Is that so?” He’s too curious for his own good.
much like himself! ;')
It’s either your place or mine. But I have to warn you, my cat hates girls, and I haven’t cut her nails in a few weeks. So unless you want to be jealously assaulted by Sadie, I suggest your apartment.”
HE HAS A CAT???? connor, you are full of surprises wth.
I bet he also believes women should only pop out babies. God, Rose would scratch out his eyes if she heard him.
so......
I guess, I know why you’d be worried about a guy like Lo. He smells like booze almost every time he does show up to class.”
smart AND attractive?
He barely batted an eyelash when girls started grabbing his ass. He has two sets of pink handprints on his butt to prove it. “Nope. I’ve heard about them though. It was interesting.” The bell dings, and I try to figure out what would stir Connor’s stoic exterior.
maybe your sister.....
He rips a croissant in half and smiles. “I apologize,” he says, unapologetically.
he's so UGHHFHB !!??!
He has perfect chopstick-form. I wouldn’t be surprised if he spoke seven different languages too.
(my) natural genius™ :')
But you’re not my type. I like someone who can intellectually spar with me.”
ROSE.
‘Who is this? Loren? Don’t you ever call this number again.’ She hung up on me.”
bro??
Connor flashes his pearly whites. “Your birthday is on Halloween? That’s fucking awesome.
connor might be my fav..... omg.
“Fizzle and Hale Co., you both still haven’t realized who I am. And I have a good feeling you wouldn’t give a shit if you knew.” He wanders, books in arms, towards the door. “Good luck tomorrow. I’ll call you, Lily, about the party.” Lo turns to me and with the tilt of his head, he says, “Who the hell is Connor Cobalt?”
“You know the tutor though.” “What,” she deadpans. “Who?” “Connor Cobalt.” She shrieks. I have to hold the phone away from my ear. “That motherfu—” She continues her string of expletives ending with, “asshole, he’s tutoring you?”
AAAA. someone intellectual that he can fight with!
Hey, kind of like Rose.
mhmm...
“Hey, Lily, your sister is calling me.” Oh my God, she is not.
HELPME. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY SAY. she's just going to threaten him to stay away from lily.
He glances up with his bedroom eyes, his tongue licking his bottom lip, and his heady gaze electrifies my body. He uses one hand to cup my bottom and then folds my latex pants down and down and down. Oh…my…
OKAYYYY LO.
I don’t see how this can ever become old.
please don't let this be a foreshadow...
