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parishioner!
I cocked my head to the side again. “Who said Lex was the broken one of the two?”
“Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Luke 12:34
I know you’re more of Bishop Travois Daniels than you are Bishop Sylvester Carmichael.”
Christ... She was right: I objectified my gift. I’d never looked at Alexis as a wife. I’d only looked past her, to God for delivering His end of the bargain. I took the gift and ran, so to speak. I viewed her as a blossomed flower, instead of a seed needing to be watered and properly nurtured to grow.
Andraé Crouch’s Amen.
I had my bouts with my own flesh. And not in a sexual regard: flesh can be personified in our conduct and thoughts. Quite often in life, we have to temper our flesh to receive what God has for us. It’s in our control and therefore must be our decided execution. Sometimes, we have to take our hands off the matter, simply stretch them to the heavens, and say, “Amen.”
admonition
Her desire was manufactured, not even of genuine interest, and it had morphed into an obsession at some point. All these years, my tactic had always been making it clear how disinterested I was.
My chest tightened at the revelation of an ache, my lungs seized, and eyes blurred.
extrapolate
“I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU STUPID, CONTROLLING, SOCIOPATHIC SON OF A BITCH!”
What I felt could be likened to hopelessness and a loss of…control. Powerlessness.
I just wanted to lose myself in the obscurity of the darkness in the guest bedroom. It was how I slept of late. I couldn’t go into the master suite, except to dress. That was her domain. Her rightful sanctum. It felt so natural and right with her in there.
I sucked in a breath. “You’re here?” I detested the shriek in my discovery. No real man should be able to produce such a squeal. It was borne of desperation.
😂😂
“I asked her why her eyes so big? Why she talk that way. She said because she was a warrior. She couldn’t cry. Then she went out from de meds. That girl was in so much pain, yuhnuh!” Ms. Remah cupped her stomach, cringing. “But she nuh cry for a long time. T’ere was a lion in there. I knew it. Never seen nuttin’ like it. No mada, no fadda—nobody. She stayed in that bed and controlled di pain from wit’in.”
No matter how damaged or broken a mother is, her child will love her unconditionally. Because as children, we know no better. We only know the energy we get from the womb we were developed in.
I panicked at the sight of the cigarette. My senses began kicking in, in high gear. The first decision was to get her the hell up out of there before she started smoking, and the second was to avoid telling her why I would not be beating Ny’s ass…for a while, anyways.
She’s pregnant
Never before in life had I seen such an enchanting siren devour food with little care of her appearance. She bit with a gusto I had seen in third world countries with impoverished villagers. She chewed with the impatience of a wild animal with little time to feast on its freshly killed prey before other vultures approached wanting a share of the game.
She looked thinner, wore heavy makeup today,
Is she sick?
“A loyal man of God, who serves his congregation, provides handsomely, and comes home to you every night. I don’t know a woman who would turn that down,” she shrieked.
“Love. I want a man who is all of those things, but most of all who loves me. All those other things are mechanical. What you described is a…warehouse-made marriage. I need something more.”
I answered with my eyes. Mary was possibly not all that crazy.
Girl, I need to go lay down! I feel a migraine coming after this conversation.”
Yea she sick
“No!” I growled, and was sure to measure the upspring of my words. “Absolutely never in my life will I join with Precious Graham. And that is an unequivocal never.”
Ezra smiled warmly—disarming even me. His eyes raked over to me, and waved me over to the podium. With weighted feet, I trekked over to him. There was a mix of ease and anxiety in doing so. I innately followed instructions given by this man. He was a natural leader. A commander. It was the subject matter that brought about the anxiety.
“Redeeming Souls, please receive my incredibly enchanting wife, Alexis Grier,” he rasped gently, his timbre echoing powerfully throughout the sanctuary.
“So, what? I’m now back to being a Grier? No Carmichael?” I asked, kidding: my nerves were that bad.
“Sweetheart,” rumbled from the back of his throat as he adjusted the mic in my hand to align with my mouth. Always in control, this man! “You will be Mrs. Ezra Carmichael until you leave this earth. I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he declared effortlessly.
Ezra Carmichael, here. You want to walk in what he believes just as faithfully as he does. Well, when it comes to Ezra, that’s almost impossible. He’s decidedly committed every day. He submits himself through prayer, fasting, and meditating as an act of worship, and covers everyone under the sound of my voice every day.
“I even happened upon a man. A good man. A man of God—” before I could continue, the parishioners began shouting their excitement of where I was going. I forged ahead, feeling powered by their encouragement. “A man of God who didn’t hold me to my past. Instead he saw goodness in me—greatness, in fact. He made me his wife, and that is validation of how God sees me.” Before I was done, applause exploded in the air. I could hardly hear myself.
loquacious,
Oh the Glory of His Presence.
I had to earn the role of leadership from Alexis. I had to win her over wholly. I had to account for the gift God had given me. Alexis was right: I had to somehow account for her love.
Damn. I’m having a baby! That controlling fucker had gotten one off on me. If anybody could impregnate my womb it would be him. I chuckled quietly in my office. Goddamn him!
Because you’re in love with him no matter his stupid-ass-ness.
He spoke about God being more concerned with holiness versus happiness. Ezra explained happiness is a state of mind, a temporary sensation that, for most, can change the moment a small detail of life goes awry. This is why God’s focus isn’t on keeping us happy.
According to Ezra, holiness is a lifestyle God’s people should adapt to, aligning their lives with his will while on this journey. He said many people shun the idea of holiness, believing it to be too limited in terms of what is or is not acceptable Christian living. Instead, he encouraged us to view it as putting parameters around sin to keep us safe and at low risk of sinning. Apparently, holiness is a long-term practice and goal, rather than a short-lived state of mind like happiness. “Hebrews 12:14 says, ‘Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no
...more
Ezra was absolutely beautiful, alpha.
cock.
“Baby,” he called to me with eyes so slanted I could barely see his pupils, “please let me touch you. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. I just need to feel you.”
cock
cock.”
cunt
“You never had to ‘fit in’ with me, Alexis. You were always it. You were her; my gift from above. Something promised to me years ago.”
“And I saw the most amazingly feminine body I’d ever laid eyes on. Your small tits and narrow waist made that bottom look like it was bursting.” He shook his head, face deadpan, and eyes distressed. “I met this beautiful cacao beauty name Lex from Harlem World. And Lex had this big ol’ booty.” An unnamed emotion bloomed in my chest that quickly. “Her boobs were on the smaller scale, fitting the palms of my hands, and that was perfect for a booty man such as myself. I mean, it looked to be sprouting from the bottom of her spine. And the first time I touched that booty—”
“My booty bigger than Keisha’s?” I asked, recalling his sense of humor rearing at the hotel last fall.
“Astronomically bigger. Way softer and a curvier plump at the bottom. And when she walked, her booty didn’t jiggle at the bottom of her mounds like yours do. And I’m pretty sure hers doesn’t taste sweet like yours either. I mean, your booty tastes like a mixture of peach juice, fresh pineapples, and lemon zest,” he breathed with flared nostrils.
“Alexis.” My eyes met his. “I am very sorry for all I’ve done to misplace your trust in me, and defile our marriage.”
That was it. No promises to do better. No asking if we could try again. His motive was made clear. Ezra wanted to confess his sins, and this time, it was me giving the needed approval as I nodded my acceptance.
