Practicing Affirmation: God Centered Praise Of Those Who Are Not God

by Sam Crabtree

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Pet. 3:7)

“test everything; hold fast what is good” (1 Thess. 5:21).

Always model what it is you want from others.

“The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and a man is tested by his praise” (Prov. 27:21).

Praise is a test—of humility, of honesty, of God-centeredness.

Christians bless believers and unbelievers alike, in the image of their Father who leads the way in refreshing evil people every day.

it is not our business to separate wheat from tares:

“The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a man who sowed good seed in his field, but while his men were sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat and went away. So when the plants came up and bore grain, then the weeds appeared also. And the servants of the master of the house came and said to him,‘Master,did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have weeds?’ He said to them, ‘An enemy has done this.’ So the servants said to him, ‘Then do you want us to go and gather them?’ But he said, ‘No, lest in gathering the weeds you root up the wheat along with them. Let both grow together until the harvest, and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, Gather the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn.’” (Matt. 13:24–30)

ways:“Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word” (Ps. 119:67).

“Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” (Rom. 2:4).

Why do you call me “Lord, Lord,” and not do what I tell you? Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation.When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great. (Luke 6:43–49)

deeds flow out of a nature, out of a heart.

Christ-honoring.Affirmations of Christlikeness are more precise and upbuilding than ubiquitous smiley faces.

“Demonstrate your high estimation of others by commending them for those qualities that are biblically worthy of praise.”1 That which is most biblically worthy of praise is God himself, especially God revealed in his preeminent Son whose Spirit is at work in people.

Remember this basic assumption: if anyone does anything that pleases God, it happens because God is already at work in that person: “For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Phil. 2:13).

“Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do . . .” (John 14:12).

I desire for us to see and affirm the work of God in persons as evidenced by sightings of the character of his well-pleasing Son manifest in them. When I say, “commend the commendable,” the “commendable” to which I am referring is primarily and fundamentally the character of Jesus.

Everything commendable is rooted in him. All good, beauty, and excellence find their source in him and reflect

him.

To spot and affirm Christlike characteristics in people and to spot the mind and Spirit of Christ being imaged forth requires us to be familiar with that mind and that Spirit through his revealed Word, the Bible.

What is a Christlike characteristic? A Christlike characteristic is a marked pattern of behavior indicative of the work of God (grace).

true Christlike character is the outworking of the life of Christ himself, as a person abides in him by faith.

we can foster Christlikeness in the Christian by focusing on it and feeding him a diet of soul food that nourishes it, including affirmation.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers” (Rom. 8:28–29).

Christlike Qualities

What follows is only a sampling of the scores of Christlike qualities that we should be looking for and affirming in the lives of those around us, for Christ’s glory and for their refreshment.

Truthfulness.

commend truth-telling, especially when truth is spoken in love. Applaud those who make observations that accord with reality.

First, model it. Second, when you spot it, affirm it—especially when honesty costs something, as in confession. When a child confesses something—perhaps he broke something—the first thing to do, before correcting the mischief, is to commend the honesty. Make a big deal out of the trustworthiness of honest people, how confidence in them grows as they make a pattern of telling the truth and how much courage it takes to tell the truth when there are consequences.

Obedience.

Jesus had to learn—learn!—obedience through suffering (Heb. 5:8).

The best obedience isn’t reluctant resignation or acquiescence, but creative cooperation with authorities (such as parents, employers, and church elders), seeking to help them succeed in carrying out their God-given responsibilities.

Forgiveness.

when you see someone give another person a second chance,commend it.When you see someone investing in a person who wronged him,applaud it.When you see people speaking well of those who hurt them, affirm that kind of attitude.

Alertness.

alert.We should commend alertness and watchfulness in children who are learning to cross the street or handle sharp kitchen utensils, teenagers learning to drive, deacons who proactively get involved before problems get bigger, folks who pray and fast all night, and many others. Further, commending the alert may refresh them and extend their alertness.

Hospitality.

To cheerfully share what one has with those whom God brings into one’s life requires confidence that God will yet provide everything needed for one’s own good. So to commend hospitality implies commendation of contentment, too.

Diligence.

Initiative.

Jesus acts. He does not wait to be cajoled, recruited, or talked into doing what needs to be done.

Dependability.

for all the promises of God are “yes” and “amen” in him, completely fulfilled (see 2 Cor. 1:20). Dependability is promoted in a community when we praise people who do everything from showing up at meetings on time to paying tithes to their church to keeping their wedding vows decade upon decade.

Correcting well deserves its own book. But affirmation, not correction, is the emphasis of this book. So instead of making a robust case for correcting well, this chapter simply warns against a few ways we tend to correct poorly, ways that may undo the good being accomplished by our affirmations. Even if we: are right, not wrong, possess the jurisdiction, the right, even the responsibility to say something, apply wise and loving rationale, have good motives, love the person deeply, have exactly the right wording, and have exactly the right tone of voice, all those things won’t matter in our relationships if we have squandered a hearing, if we have alienated our listeners, if we have turned them off. It doesn’t matter what perfect programs we are broadcasting over our radio channel if they’re not tuned in.

Without encouraging words, the kids and spouse won’t be built up and tuned in.

Love must correct. But we need to heed a few cautions. Speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15). Behave in such a consistently affirming way that when correction must be made, there is no mistake in the recipient’s mind that you are for him and not against him.Yes,speak the truth. But in love, the kind of love that is expressed in ways so that it is understood by the other as love. Permeate not only your words of truth with love, but your actions.Your actions must be consistent with your verbalizations. It will not do to make claims of affirmation while continuing to do what wounds and alienates the other person. You’re already thinking it, so I’ll say it: actions speak louder than words. And while understanding that actions speak louder than words, don’t make the mistake of thinking that words add nothing to actions. Even when speaking the truth in love, speak precisely, aiming to commend the commendable. For example, when observing improvement in someone,to say,“You’re not as lousy and worthless as you used to be,” may be true, but it may not seem very commendatory and refreshing to the hearer. Rather than focusing on the decrease in failure, consider commending some specific behavior to be encouraged, some positive attitude. I suppose burglars in jail could be commended for burglarizing less now that they’re in jail, but how much better to commend a former burglar for doing something positive, like

laboring, making restitution, or giving generously. In the same way, double meanings are self-defeating. “It’s a good thing I love idiots.” Well, yes, that would be a good thing, but it may not endear you to me. And meanwhile, you have not commended anything commendable in the other person. You have boasted about your own “love.” God gets no honor from your calling me an idiot.

Word selection matters.

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Col. 4:6).

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4:29).