More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Read between
October 6 - October 6, 2019
Observe what the other person is doing.
Once you’ve observed, don’t spring immediately into action. Let the situation breathe.
The empty chair has become legendary in Amazon’s Seattle headquarters. Seeing it encourages meeting attendees to take the perspective of that invisible but essential person.
If you’re preparing a lesson plan, an empty chair can remind you to see things from your students’ perspective.
http://www.danpink.com/assessment—where I’ve replicated the assessment that social scientists use
2. Mood Map
Finding similarities can help you attune yourself to others and help them attune themselves to you.
How to stay afloat amid that ocean of rejection is the second essential quality in moving others. I call this quality “buoyancy.”
We human beings talk to ourselves all the time—so much, in fact, that it’s possible to categorize our self-talk.
positive,
negative.
positive self-talk is generally more effective than negative self-talk.
ask, “Can I make a great pitch?” the research has found that you provide yourself something that reaches deeper and lasts longer.
Mere affirmation feels good and that helps. But it doesn’t prompt you to summon the resources and strategies to actually accomplish the task.
people are more likely to act, and to perform well, when the motivations come from intrinsic choices rather than from extrinsic pressures.
He listens and observes more than the stereotypical yap-yapping salesman, but he also adds his voice and makes his case with vigor when the situation demands.
positivity.
Those who’d heard the positive-inflected pitch were twice as likely to accept the deal as those who’d heard the negative one—
amusement, appreciation, joy, interest, gratitude, and inspiration.
“Positive emotions do the opposite: They broaden people’s ideas about possible actions, opening
when both sides leave the table satisfied, that can establish a sustained relationship and smooth the way for subsequent transactions.
Remember: Interrogative self-talk is the smart choice when preparing to move someone.
Once positive emotions outnumbered negative emotions by 3 to 1—that is, for every three instances of feeling gratitude, interest, or contentment, they experienced only one instance of anger, guilt, or embarrassment—people generally flourished.
Once the ratio hit about 11 to 1, positive emotions began doing more harm than good.
“Levity is that unseen force that lifts you skyward, whereas gravity is the opposing force that pulls you earthward.
But how he thinks about his day—in particular how he explains its worst aspects—can go a long way in determining whether he succeeds. This is the third component in buoyancy.
human beings, Seligman observed, learned helplessness was usually a function of people’s “explanatory style”—their habit of explaining negative events to themselves. Think of explanatory style as a form of self-talk that occurs after
(rather than before) an experience.
people with a downbeat explanatory style suffered, do people with an upbeat style thrive?
In other words, the salespeople with an optimistic explanatory style—who saw rejections as temporary rather
than permanent, specific rather than universal, and external rather than personal—sold more insurance and survived in their jobs much longer. What’s more, explanatory style predicted performance with
He finds some customers annoying. He admits to taking some rejections personally. He’s had plenty of grim, unpleasant days.
But negative events can clarify positive ones.
Ask yourself: “Can I move these people?”
interrogative self-talk is often more valuable than the declarative kind.
List five specific reasons why the answer to your question is yes.
Barbara Fredrickson’s website (http://positivityratio.com/). Take her “Positivity Self Test”—
emotions—joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe, and love—on your phone, computer, or office wall. Select one or two. Then in the course of the day, look for ways to display those emotions.
When something bad occurs, ask yourself three questions—and come up with an intelligent way to answer each one “no”: 1. Is this permanent?
2. Is this pervasive?
3. Is this personal? Bad
The more you explain bad events as temporary, specific, and external, the more likely you are to persist even in the face of adversity.
To de-catastrophize, ask yourself: What are the overall consequences and why are those consequences not nearly as calamitous as they seem on the surface?
visit Seligman’s website (http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx), and take his Optimism Test
1. Enumerate. Try actually counting the nos you get during a week. Use one of the many free counter apps available for smartphones
2. Embrace.
Buoyancy, whether positivity ratios or explanatory style, isn’t about banishing the negative. Negativity and negative emotions are crucial for our survival.
preparing for the very worst that can occur helps some people effectively manage their anxieties.
by articulating the reasons for turning you down, the letter might reveal soft spots in what you’re presenting, which you can then work to strengthen.
Just choose your favored style of repudiation, type in your e-mail
