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“Hey, I have a suggestion, why not put a condom over your head—if you’re going to act like a complete dick then it makes sense to dress like one.”
“Just give me a second. Attempting to give a fuck…Attempting harder to give a fuck…Sorry, there was an error. Fuck not given.”
“No, she’s one of those people who are like Slinkys.” “Slinkys?” “Yeah. Basically useless, but they make you smile when you push them down the stairs.”
“Is there no way you could just pull your bottom lip over your head and swallow?”
“Love is giving someone the power to completely destroy you, and hoping that they won’t.”
“I’m not tired. I’m just checking my eyelids for holes. It could take awhile.”
