Dad Is Fat

by Jim Gaffigan

Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.

They are constantly multitasking. I’m often not even tasking.

pregnant women don’t like to be called “bitches” AT ALL. You’re welcome.

Motherhood is filled with executive decisions, and with each decision comes possible conflict with kids, husbands, and other mom friends.

We never really completely lose the fear, but as adults we just give the monsters different names, like “Bankruptcy” and “Cancer.”

online service for playdate matchups.

Sometimes going to bed feels like the highlight of my day.

We can go a year without groceries, but I can’t go a day without a wife.