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Lucien’s desire to please is so natural to him, so wound up in his
perfect, innate goodness, I doubt it occurs to him to do it for any other reason than to be kind.
I will empty a bag of rice on the kitchen floor and make you pick up every last grain with a pair of tweezers between your teeth.”
“Not with my cock,” he admits. Then his voice lowers, becomes hushed. “I fucked her with my mouth. I fucked her until she came on my tongue.”
I’ve imagined her taste, her smell, the sounds she would make. How pretty her lashes would look tangled with tears.
“She tasted like she wanted me.”
“God damn it, Jasper, can’t you see that I’m in love with you? I’d give you anything, everything you ask for. You want me too. I know you do. You have to.” “And what about Eden? You want her, don’t you?” I snap, pushing out of the chair. “So? I want you both. We could all have each other. I’m sure, if you apologize, she’ll—”
“She’s not a dominant, and neither am I. We can’t be that for each other.” Lucien glares at me. “Not without you. We both need more.”
She’s gorgeous and funny and smart and she tastes like a dream. With her, I can finally breathe again in a way I never could before, not even with you. She could be my best friend, I could love her completely, easily, but that edge . . . that thing, that takes me somewhere else, that thing that calms me, and makes me feel safe, and broken . . . it just wasn’t there without you. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to, but I just kept thinking how much I wanted you there with us, taking both of us for yourself. I want her. I might even need her in a way you can never give me, but I need you too. I
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“It only took me a year to realize Soomin and I weren’t well matched.
“For seven beautiful years, it was worth it. Or, at least, I was able to convince myself it was.”
“Right up until I met someone. A young soldier who changed everything.”
“Young, gorgeous Lucien,” I say tenderly, and his chest hitches, though I don’t hear a sound.
“Who wouldn’t have been in awe, meeting Lucien? A soldier who had moved through the ranks at near record speed. A young man who, while a confident bisexual, was also a conflicted, submissive-leaning switch with heavy masochistic tendencies. It was like seeing a notice for my own demise. He was to be under my care as a high-priority patient—and I was madly, urgently attracted to him.”
It was beyond absurd. Me, a thirty-five-year-old happily married man, an experienced psychologist, lusting after a twenty-one-year-old patient. It was . . . a cosmic unkindness beyond my imagination.”
“You must understand, Lucien. I loved my wife, genuinely, and she deserved the loyalty I promised. And you—you defenseless, flawless thing—deserved a therapist you could trust, who would help you without guile or agenda. For all our sakes, the box could never be opened.”
Lucien was a flirt, and curious, and he tested all my limits. Through his sessions we talked about his work, of course, and also his sexuality.
Soomin and I became more involved with events on base. You started showing up everywhere, at barbecues and charity auctions and, worst of all, you began frequenting the club. I
shouldn’t have been surprised—there weren’t a plethora around . . . and I was intimately aware of your needs.”
Whose mischievous spirit is so enduring and bright, he’s impossible not to love.
In the end, though, she didn’t believe me. She left. She left, and I was alone with the promises that I swore never to break.”
“Those promises are still promises, Lucien, even though it’s been five years and an apocalypse since our divorce. Because you are still too
young, you are still my patient, and I still have an ethical responsibility toward you. I’ve been a mentor and a guide to you, and you have confused those feelings with a crush. It would be wrong to take advantage of those feelings.”
Lucien shoves me back, hard. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”
“I am not some tender-hearted schoolgirl who’s never had her skirts flipped before,” he snarls in my face.
“No. You had your say, now you listen, you stupid, old, patronizing fuck.”
“I’ve lived through war. I’ve had my heart broken. I’ve been fucked in every hole I have. I’ve dated, and killed, and loved, and lost. I’ve survived an apocalypse. How dare you stand here and tell me I don’t know my own mind?”
You think we’re the first people who have ever fallen in love that shouldn’t have?”
Then I press our mouths together for the very first time.
He drops to his knees and takes me into his scorching, soaking wet mouth before I can stop him.
How dare he wreck and ruin every promise I ever made?
I come hard, and guiltily, and finish panting in shame.
“If they have twenty-four hours of footage, and someone with a bit of know-how, and they knew
where the cameras were, it wouldn’t be too hard to set it up on an automatic loop like this. We’ve been hacked.”
What they really want is—” “Bristlebrook,” Lucien breathes, paling. “They’re coming here, while the others are gone.”
The people you love dearest will most likely die, and it will hit you like a bullet to the chest. Brace for impact.
“I’m going to kill you for putting me through this, you selfish boy,”
but for now just tell us where your fucking stash is.” I frown, confused. “My—” “Your stash, your hidey hole, whatever you call it where the weapons are. We’ve been searching for it for a day and a half.”
Eden brought Dom an arsenal from your stash, and he blew the bulk of them to pieces while we got to safety. There’s no sign that they’re coming back to the house—wouldn’t
“In the middle of this, Eden went back to get more weapons.”
“That was over eighteen hours ago. We haven’t seen her since. Dom’s out looking, but . . . we don’t know where to start, and there are tracks everywhere.”
“Well, hello, sweetheart,” Sam croons. “I think it’s about time you came with me.”
