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“I saw pretty things and I wanted to break them. I saw pretty people and wanted them under my loafer and begging. I wanted tears, and surrender.”
“Henry . . . he took an interest in me. I’m still not quite sure why. His parents were rather hard on him, and I think he liked playing the hero. His family was wealthy, you see, and terribly educated.”
and so willing to ‘teach’ me to be a better person—in
“When we eloped, they disowned him. He hadn’t planned on that. He thought they would forgive him anything. They didn’t, and he didn’t do so well after that.” We didn’t do so well after that, either.
It . . . destroyed me . . . that Soomin felt she wasn’t enough. I loved her, very dearly. I insisted she was all I needed, tried to make it true, but she didn’t believe me.”
“It’s not enough to want to be right for someone. You can’t carve away important parts of yourself to make your pieces fit. No matter how much you might want to.”
“Henry was in the Army for a few years, and I had just finished my degree when he was dishonorably discharged—found criminally negligent in his basic duties.”
Two men died because of his actions, and he was serving his time in a military prison when the strikes happened.”
I’d buried myself in work and tried to ignore the whispers of my coworkers. People took dishonorable discharges seriously.
They were a serious matter.
I just feel like I’m saying the wrong thing all the time.”
“Because you don’t know the rules?”
“Because I hate the rules.”
“It was one of the happiest days of my life,” I whisper,
“I can’t be anything to you. Not anything more than a friend.”
“Eden, I can’t go through it again, do you understand? I can’t fall for another person when we can’t be what we need for one another.”
“The kindest thing I can do for you is to leave you in peace.”
“Jasper was a perfect gentleman.” “That’s when he hurts the most.”
“We just realized we aren’t a good fit, that’s all,”
He was very gracious, even while telling me I’m not enough for him.
Is this my new normal? To be lied to and ignored every time something serious happens? Maybe I’m the wind-up doll, not Jayk. I do my one trick on command and then I’m to be put back in my box until they want me again.
“I’m Eden, and I deserve better than this, damn you.”
God, I do deserve better than this. I’m a survivor. I’ve fought my own battles for years. At some point this has to stop—I can’t be a pawn forever. Surely, I’m a knight. I’ve earned that much.
“I am Eden. A person, not a doll, not your pet. And I am. Pissed. Off.”
“I’m not nothing, I can help. I can contribute more than just sex,” I tell his chest. “I’m not nothing.”
“We might not have spent much time together, but I already know you’re clever—you kept yourself out of danger for years, then set up a home for yourself and taught yourself to survive.”
“You’re resourceful, I know that too. You lived off the land with no one to help you. And the very fact that you’re still alive tells me you’re stubborn. A real fighter.”
I see you, Eden, and you’re the furthest thing from nothing I’ve ever met.”
“Heather and Thomas knew,”
Heather was a lot of things, but she wouldn’t have sold me out. My lip curls. “She. Wouldn’t. Do. This.”
She was a cop, for fuck’s sake. She saved my life. She’s not going to turn her back on all that because you bullied her on the goddamned playground.”
Fierce, gorgeous, brave, submissive Heather.
“I need you with me.” My voice is low but thankfully even enough. I always need him with me.
Sometimes I’m not sure what was worse—losing Heather, or losing Beau’s trust.
“Jaykob is right, though. Something about this isn’t right. I’d feel better knowing we have people here watching the house. It could—”
“It appears we have company.” There’s a touch of humor in the tilt of his mouth.
“Look, we have bigger priorities than licking your pussy. But if you stay on your knees and beg, one of the others might oblige—makes no difference who does it, right?”
The tiniest twist of curiosity tugs at me. I wonder if I can make the little librarian snap at me properly.
“Though it’s only Beau you’ll really be missing—I wouldn’t have touched you either way.” “Oh, fuck you,” she hisses.
“She was specifically told to stay out of it. Instead, she broke into our private rooms and tried to spy on us. You okay with that?
Eden kicks my shin, and I grunt. In her ear, I snarl, “Try that again, subbie. I dare you.”
“She can’t disobey orders like this. It’s not safe, particularly given the circumstances. She’s earned her punishment.”
“There is never, ever a consequence for using a safeword. Anything between you and anyone here . . . it’s an agreement. Between equal, consenting parties.”
She has the right to feel safe here, for as long as she wants to stay.
“Eden,” I try again, “you don’t have to do anything here that you’re not comfortable with. I’m . . . sorry . . . if that hasn’t been clear.”
“It’s the first place I’ve felt safe since I can remember.”
“I don’t like being lied to. Or coddled. I can help. I want to help. I can’t bear to be bundled up and put on a shelf like a dress-up doll when you’re done playing with me. I think . . . I think I would rather live alone than live like that.”
“Three of our cameras are down,”
“That’s a lot, even for us. It leaves us with some major blind spots. We need to patch them up quickly.”
With her small, warm palm in mine, I have the strangest feeling that I’m handing over far more than I bargained for. Maybe she’s the faerie queen after all.
