Iron Flame (The Empyrean, #2)

by Rebecca Yarros

Who do they see? Lilith’s daughter? Or Brennan’s sister? I lift my chin because I’m both…and I feel like neither.

“Decision was simple. She’s worth a dozen of me,” Xaden says, and my breath catches at the intensity in his eyes. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he means it.

Love doesn’t even have the decency to die. It just transforms into abject misery. That’s what this ache in my chest is: misery.

Because love, at its root, is hope. Hope for tomorrow. Hope for what could be. Hope that the someone you’ve entrusted your everything to will cradle and protect it. And hope? That shit is harder to kill than a dragon.

I’ll spend every single day of my life earning back your trust.

This isn’t the man who begged my forgiveness for keeping secrets, and it sure as hell isn’t the one who vowed to earn back my trust in Aretia. No, this Xaden is the wingleader who slaughtered every attacker in my bedroom without breaking a sweat or losing a minute of sleep over it afterward.

Brennan’s been lying to me for six years, letting me mourn his death when he’s been well-the-fuck alive the whole time. My oldest friend stole my memories and possibly sent me to die. My mother built my entire life on a lie. I’m not even sure what parts of my education are real and which are fabricated, and he thinks I’m not going to demand total, complete honesty from him?

“But that doesn’t mean I won’t let you in like I promised. I’m an open book when it comes to—” “Whatever you want.” I shake my head. “And that’s not going to work for me. Not this time. I can’t trust you again without full disclosure. Period.”

Am I really about to issue an ultimatum to Xaden-fucking-Riorson?

“Garrick Tavis. Xaden Riorson.” Captain Fitzgibbons’s voice carries over the formation as he reads from the death roll. “Well, this is awkward,” Xaden calls out. And every head in the courtyard turns in our direction.

I might not have Xaden’s confidence, but I can fake it.

“Why were they reported for the death roll?” my mother asks Colonel Aetos, her eyes narrowing.

The lie rolls off his tongue as smoothly as the truth, which is both impressive…and infuriating, because he doesn’t have a single fucking tell.

“Touch me and I swear to the gods, I’ll cut your fucking hands off and let the quadrant sort you out in the next round of challenges, Dain Aetos.”

“You should take her at her word. In fact…”

Xaden doesn’t bother to lower his voice. “If you don’t, I’ll take personal offense. She made her choice, and it wasn’t you. It will never be you. I know it. She knows it. The whole quadrant knows it.”

We made it. We’re officially second-years. Out of the eleven first-years who came through our squad during the year, both before and after Threshing, the five of us are the only ones left standing. For now.

“Confidence is not arrogance. I don’t lose the fights I pick. And we’re both allowed to have boundaries. You’re not the only one who gets to set the rules in this relationship.”

“Secrets make for poor leverage. They die with the people who keep them.”

“This isn’t about us. Every eye will be on you, and you don’t have a rebellion relic to hide your actions from Melgren if you’re caught alone. Involving yourself endangers everything we’re working for.”

“Bad news first.” That’s my new motto.

“What’s your first order, squad leader?” Sawyer asks, Nadine racing to catch up to his long strides. Rhi glances over each of us and nods as though coming to a decision. “Live.” I smile and wish it was that simple.

I meant what I said on the parapet. Even when I’m not with you, there’s only you.

My heart abandons my body and lands somewhere in the vicinity of her recommendation.

“She blames me for Liam’s death,” I say quietly. “Let her stay. At least if she’s in the squad, Codex says she can’t kill me.”

This is the height of enrollment this year. We’ll start dying pretty much immediately. But not me. I’ve danced with Malek more than my fair share over this last year and told him to fuck right off every single time. Maybe Sloane is right and he doesn’t want me.

Dragons respect anger. They exterminate cowards.

“If Solas comes near you again, he knows I will devour his human whole and let him rot within me while his heart still beats, and then I’ll take the eye I so graciously left him.”

Varrish glares at me, his hatred a palpable taste in my mouth, and I know that even if he hadn’t been an enemy before, he sure as Dunne is now.

Hard for prisoners to talk about the venin they’ve been fighting if they’re dead.

“Wanting you to ask what you want to know isn’t a game. You and me? Not a game.”

“Besides, even if two people have unmatched chemistry, that doesn’t mean they should be in a relationship beyond anything physical—”

I’m so damn in love with him that it hurts, and for the moment, I can’t remember why I’m denying myself.

This was a bad idea, a teasing taste of everything I want, and yet I can’t bring myself to stop. There’s nothing outside this kiss. No war. No lies. No secrets. There’s only his mouth, his hands sweeping up my sides, his desire matching the fire of mine. This is where I want to live, where nothing else matters but the way he makes me feel.

“But I’m begging you, Violet. Don’t offer me your body unless you’re offering me everything. I want you more than I want to fuck you. I want those three little words back.”

“We will see them in a week.” So why does every instinct I have scream we won’t?

miss him every single day. And because of the love I have for him, it’s okay that you hate me. You can think whatever you need to about me if it gets you through the day, Sloane. But you’re going to train. You’re going to accept help.”

“You don’t have to freeze out everyone you can’t be completely honest with just because Riorson thinks that works for him—it doesn’t, hence all of your issues, and it damn well looks like your friend needs you, so go.”

All I have to do is be honest with him about how I feel, and I can have him. His body, at least. But isn’t that all I really had before? Ironic that it’s my truthfulness that can put me out of my own misery when it’s his candor I crave. I guess in that way, we’re alike, both wanting more than the other person is willing to risk.

How is it possible to both love someone and loathe them all in the same moment?

I’m so sick of having to make the first move when it comes to this man.

“Humans have the memories of gnats. Dragons hold grudges.”

As complicated as our connection is, it’s also undeniably simple. He’s the horizon, and nothing exists beyond for me.

“I thought not. Sleep, Violet.” His arm tightens around me. “You love me,” he whispers. “Stop reminding me. I thought we agreed not to fight tonight.” I snuggle in deeper, his warmth lulling me into that sweet middle space between wakefulness and oblivion. “Maybe you’re not the one I’m reminding.”

“Violence, remember it’s only the body that’s fragile. You are unbreakable.”

I love him. I love him. I love him. I’m not ready to give him the words, the power that comes with them, but I can keep them for myself, chant them like my own personal Codex, the only truth I’m certain of.

“Just when I think I can handle you, I completely fucking lose it.” “That’s my favorite part.”

“That was abrupt.” Good thing I’m still strapped in. “Next time, you fly and I’ll ride.”

Shit. What is this? Jealousy? Anxiety? Insecurity? “All three,” Tairn responds in utter annoyance. “To which I will remind you that not a single dragon chose her. You were selected by two. Pull yourself together.”

I blink. “That part seems easy enough.” “It’s not. Our first deal fell apart when I discovered he was only willing to let us use the luminary, not take it, which would have meant stationing dragons in Cordyn. And secondly, I don’t trust him to stop at seeing you. He’s known for collecting precious things and keeping them against their will.”