Redeeming 6 (Boys of Tommen, #4)

by Chloe Walsh

“Maybe before they moved on, someone wanted to make sure his first love had a fighting chance with her first love.”

Third, I didn’t know if I had it in me to fight the battle that I was told would last a lifetime. Because I was an addict. I would always be an addict. I would never stop wanting to use. The prospect of fighting my urges for the rest of my life was depressing.

Dammit, though, I hated that it had to be Darren. I would have preferred anyone else to walk through that visitors’ room door and that was not an exaggeration. Hell, I would have even preferred Gussie. At least he would have smuggled me some cigarettes.

The urge was still there, though, bubbling away just beneath the surface, and I was beginning to come to terms with the fact that it would never entirely leave me. I would always crave opioids. I would always crave heroin. In a fucked-up way, I was starting to make peace with it.

“This asshole guy I used to go out with abandoned me, so I’ve been pretty pissed about that.” “What a prick.” “He is,” I agreed with a nod. “Turns out I’m having his baby, too.” “No shit.” “I shit you not.” “And the prick still left you?” “Yep.” I feigned another sigh. “Turns out he’s this huge drug addict.” “I hear drug addicts make the worst boyfriends.” “They really do.” “Does he at least have a big dick?” “He definitely has big dick energy.”

“I’ll be home before you have the baby,” he cut me off and said. “I will be there for you.” “Joe,” I squeezed out, clutching the phone with a death grip. “I can’t do this on my own.” “You won’t have to,” he vowed. “I’m coming home to you, Molloy. I promise.”

“I think the doctors were expecting Darren to vouch for me when he came to visit, and when he didn’t, it threw some red flags up for them.” “Can I do something to help?” she asked. “I mean, I would never force myself into your private life, Joey love. You’re a brilliant, capable young man, and I respect that you aren’t a child. That’s not the kind of relationship I want us to have, but if you need me to step in at any time on your behalf, then I am willing and ready to go to bat for you.” “You could vouch for me?” I said and then exhaled a shaky breath before admitting, “Because I could really use your help.”

“You know I’d be dead without her, right?” I declared hoarsely. “This entire conversation wouldn’t be happening because I wouldn’t be here to argue about if it wasn’t for Aoife Molloy.”

“It’s the truth, Dar,” I retorted hoarsely. “I wouldn’t have made it to eighteen without her. Hell, I probably wouldn’t have made it to fifteen without her. You weren’t there. You didn’t see. I was a piece of shit. Sincerely. I was fucking terrible. To myself. To her. My behavior toward her was horrendous. I was the worst possible version of myself. And still, she stuck it out with me. She saw something worth saving in me, and she decided to love me anyway, and I am so fucking thankful that she did.” I shook my head. “You will never understand how much I owe that girl. How much I fucking worship the ground she walks on!”

“I was trying to help you,” Darren tried to explain. “You’re too young to be a father.” “I’ve always been a father!” I roared back, chest heaving. “And I’ve done a pretty fucking good job with the four I’ve raised. And yeah, I’m a mess, and yeah, I’m an addict, but I’m a good father! I’m a good fucking parent, Darren. I kept them alive. I kept them fed, and loved, and nurtured, and goddamn educated. I did that. Not you. Not him. Not Mam. Me. So, call me a junkie and whatever the hell else you want to call me, but don’t say that I’m too young to be a father!”

“I want my baby, Darren!” You could have heard a pin drop in the room. Everything went eerily quiet. Finally, Darren broke the silence when he said, “You do?” “Damn straight I do,” I confirmed, furious. “How fucking dare you and Mam try to take that away from me.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter what you want, Dar, because this right here is my life,” I shot back, shaking. “It’s mine to live, and I plan on living it side by side with her. Because news flash, asshole, that girl is my life. Her and our baby. And if she wants a ring, she’ll get it. And a house, she’ll get that, too. And if the time comes where she wants more kids, then I’ll give them to her. Whatever she wants. Because we’re mirrors. Her and me. We’re aligned. That’s my future, Darren, and if you keep meddling in it, then you won’t be a part of it.”

“Saying you’re sorry doesn’t fix it,” I choked out. “It’s a word. I know you mean it, I know you’re sorry, but it’s a fucking word, Darren. It doesn’t fix the hole you left in me.”

“What hurts the most isn’t the fact that you left,” I admitted, wiping a tear from my cheek. “I know you had to go. You were dying in that house. I get it. I understand that. What hurts the most is the fact that I stayed, and she still loved you more! And I’m jealous of that. I’m jealous and I’m resentful and I’m so fucking hurt that nothing I ever did was enough for her!

“And then you came back,” I quickly continued. “And it was as if everything I did for her, every sacrifice I made, every slap I took, was irrelevant. I was irrelevant because you were all she could see. I mean, let’s face it, Dar, you were all she ever saw, even when we were kids, but it never bothered me until you left. She put you on this pedestal, her precious, perfect firstborn, and nothing I did in the flesh could match her memory of you!”

“You can thank Gerard for those,” she said, pointing disapprovingly to the cigarette in my hand. “He smuggled three packets into the bags I packed for you today.” Good man, Gussie.

Ironically, Matchbox Twenty’s “Unwell” was playing on the car stereo, and for a brief moment, I debated telling her that I felt more than a little unwell, before settling on the standard “I’m grand,” instead.

“And Shannon?” Grinning, Edel rolled her eyes. “Your sister is loved up to the hilt with my young fella. They’re like an old married couple at this stage. Keeping them apart is the main challenge these days.”

“I can never repay you and John for what you’ve done for my family…” I paused and dragged in a pained breath, before adding, “For what you’ve done for me.” Fuck, I hated this with every fiber of my being. “I’m still not sure why you did what you did—or why you continue to help us—but I think it’s pretty clear that it takes a special sort of person to take in a family like you’ve done for us. I don’t have anything to give you in return. I don’t know if I ever will, but I’ll do everything I can to pay you back for—” “I love your family, Joey,” she cut me off by saying, voice thick with emotion. “Each and every one of you.” She winked. “Especially you.” Especially me. Well, shit.

“No, love, you didn’t,” she replied, reaching across the console to ruffle my hair affectionately. “Because Aoife is in no way similar to your mother, and you, my big-hearted boy, don’t have a Teddy Lynch bone in your body.”

“I already told you that I’m not interested in any of this,” I reminded her, squirming in discomfort when she squeezed my cheek. “I’m not your boy.” “And I already told you that we’re keeping you.” She chuckled. “Finders keepers, Joey love. You’re mine now.” Jesus.

“I miss her,” I admitted, clenching my eyes shut when the tears started to fall. “I miss her so fucking much.” My voice cracked, and I choked out a sob. “I miss my mother.” “Your mother loved you, Joey,” Edel vowed, as she pulled me into her arms. “I swear it, love.” Tightening her arms around me, she stroked my hair with her hand. “She just forgot to show it.”

“O-ee.” Pulling on the leg of my jeans, a pair of brown eyes looked up at me. “O-ee.” That did it. Seeing Sean’s little face had my heart cracking open in my chest. This kid. He was my brother, but it was different with him. From birth, Sean had depended on me in a way the others hadn’t. I knew he wasn’t mine, but it didn’t stop my heart from beating for him in a paternal rather than brotherly way.

He winked. “Howdy, friend.” I narrowed my eyes. “It’s you.” He beamed back at me. “It’s me.” And then he had the gall to hug me. He actually motherfucking hugged me. I was so taken aback from the sudden move that I didn’t react.

“Congratulations, Dad. He’s a beauty.” Struck fucking dumb, I stared down at the baby in my arms. He was roaring like a bull, with his tiny hands balled into fists as he squirmed and stretched in my arms. “Jesus,” I breathed, cradling him in my arms as my emotions got the better of me. “You’re here.” And then he opened his eyes and looked at me. And I was done. My heart no longer beat for me. For the rest of my days, it would beat entirely for the child in my arms. Fuck.

For the second time in my life, I was a father. For the first time in my life, I had a child of my own. It felt different now than it had with Ollie, Sean, and Tadhg. It felt deeper.

You’ll make a wonderful father and a devoted husband in time. I sleep well at night knowing that I have a grandson like you in the world.

“Actually, we decided to name our son after the man who raised the both of us,” I confirmed quietly. “Because, let’s face it, the only man I ever had to show me the way was your husband.” Roughly clearing his throat, Tony looked down at AJ and sniffed. “I know exactly what that father of yours is trying to do, boyo,” he told my son, voice thick with emotion. “He’s trying to butter up old Grandad, isn’t he?” He pressed a kiss to my son’s forehead and smiled down at him. “Well, you can tell your father that it worked. Yes, you can. Tell your father that I expect his ass at the garage the minute your mother is home and back on her feet.”

“I missed you so bad.” Clutching the back of my neck, she pulled my face down to hers. “I feel like I died this summer without you and I’m only coming back to life now.”

“He’s my brother,” a familiar voice snapped, and I swung around to find Shannon, of all people, standing up to a group of girls in the hallway. “And you shouldn’t believe everything you hear.” “Is he single?” “You’re not his type.” “What’s his type?” “His girlfriend.” I smirked to myself. Well, this was a turnup for the books. She was defending me.

“Fair bit of a genius is your future brother-in-law.”

It turned out that Gibsie had a lot of wild ideas, and I would know, since I was the misfortunate bastard with a class timetable identical to his, meaning we’d spent the first six classes of the day together. And oh yes, he saved a seat for me in every single one of those classes.

“Like fuck I am,” I deadpanned. “If you pricks even think or imagine that I’m going to join your—” “You’ll get to hit people,” he cut me off by saying, “Repeatedly, legally, and without getting arrested. Consider it a physical form of therapy.”

When Lizzie pushed past me, she offered me a sly wink and nothing else. Not a hello. Not a smile. Not an anything, and I couldn’t have been more grateful to her in this moment.

Keeping my eyes trained on her, I watched as she lowered herself down between Feely and another lad with a shaved head, directly opposite Hughie. This girl. Messy as fuck or not, this girl had my unconditional support.

I had a girlfriend and a son to go home to that I wouldn’t have if she hadn’t taken a second to talk me down from the edge that night. The thought of what could have happened—what would have happened—if she hadn’t intervened meant that I would be forever indebted to her. My son had a father because of her, and whenever the shit hit the fan for her, because it would hit the fan, then she would have my backing. Yeah, for the rest of the school year, she would come under the same umbrella that Tadhg and Shannon did.

“No, Gerard.” Shaking her head, she hooked an arm around his shoulders and leaned in close enough to stroke his nose with hers. “You’re the broken boy. He’s the comeback kid.” “If I’m broken, then what does that make you, Claire-Bear?” “I don’t know, Gerard,” she teased. “What does it make me?” “My it girl,” he purred, arms coming around her as he closed the space between their noses. “My everything girl.”

Lizzie stood up and stalked out of the lunch hall. “You told her, lad.” He held his hand up for a high five. “You silenced the viper.” “Put your hand down, asshole,” Hughie snapped, rising from his chair. “You’re embarrassing yourself.” Without saying another word, Hughie walked off in the same direction Lizzie went.

Nah, screw that, those two are definitely fucking.

“Fuck my life,” number four grumbled. “I knew I should have thrown the first punch.” “Hey,” I snapped, twisting around to face him. “Stop acting like a little shit. I did the wrong thing back there.” “But you—” “I did the wrong thing, Tadhg,” I reinforced, giving him a stern look of warning. “I was wrong, okay? Don’t copy me. It’s not a good thing. Do better, Tadhg. Be better.” Than me.

I walked to the end of the hallway, stopping just outside the door that housed my sister’s soft laughter. When our mother was alive, I had been too high to hear her warnings about Shannon’s relationship with Kav. Now, as I stood on my own two feet, with a clear head and my wits about me, I got it. I finally saw what my mother had been so afraid of. This wasn’t puppy love. It wasn’t a fleeting romance, either. No, whatever was happening between these two was raw, real, and mixed with an undeniable air of permanence.

“I love her.” “I’m sure you do.” “No,” he said, tone serious. “I love her, lad. I’m in love with her.”

“I’m going to take her with me, Joey,” he said quietly. “When I leave Ballylaggin? Wherever I end up, I’m taking her with me.” “Good,” I replied. “At least she’ll have a fighting chance.” “She already has a fighting chance,” he replied gruffly. “Because of you, lad. Not me.”

“And I can’t change that part of our story, but I can lighten the load for you now. I can step up now, Aoife, so let me do it, okay?” He cast a glance in my direction, imploring me with his clear green eyes to listen to him. “Let me take care of you.”

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness,” he replied, voice thick and gruff. “But I will earn it. Because whatever comes our way, from here on out, I’ll be right beside you.” He nuzzled my nose with his before pressing a kiss to my lips. “Because in this version of forever, we get the happy ending, Molloy.”