Redeeming 6 (Boys of Tommen, #4)

by Chloe Walsh

“You get your ass in that car and straight to the hospital. Don’t worry about me, okay? I’m grand. You tell those doctors whatever the fuck you need to tell them to make them scan you and check our kid is okay.”

“Why did you hit the Ryan boy?” I shrugged. “He had it coming.” “Try again.” I met his unyielding stare, before blowing out a breath and mumbling, “You clearly already know why.” “Indulge me.” “Because if I didn’t, your son would have, and he has a hell of a lot more to lose than I have,” I came right out and told him. “Is that indulging enough for ya?”

“You protected my son’s future, and now I’m here to protect yours,” he finally said, folding his arms across his chest. “Sounds like a fair trade if you ask me.” “Except that I don’t have one of those.” “I’m sure my wife would argue that statement.” He smiled ruefully before adding, “You’ve won yourself a fan, Joey Lynch.”

“We want to keep you!” his wife blurted out, causing John to drop his head in his hands and groan. “All five of you,” she continued, hurrying over to the island and catching ahold of my hand. “Especially you.” She smiled down at me. “I think I want you the most.”

“From what I can tell, they’ve always had one,” John said, giving me a meaningful look. “You’ve been one hell of a father, Joey Lynch.” “Except that I’m not,” I croaked out. “I’m not their father, and I’m fucking tired of having to be.” There it was. Admitted out loud. For what I thought might be the first time ever. “I can’t do it anymore,” I continued to spill my confessions, too weary and broken in the head to cover it up. “I can’t keep raising them in that environment. If someone doesn’t get them out of that house, they’re going to die or, worse, turn into me.”

“Well, I don’t want that for me,” I argued. “I don’t want to be mothered, and I don’t need a father figure. I’m too old for that shit.” “You’re never too old to be loved, Joey.” “My childhood ended a long time ago.” “It doesn’t have to be like that.” “It’s too late for me.” “It’s never too late, Joey.”

“You’ve been traveling down a very long road, love. Maybe it’s time to rest those feet and let someone else carry the load for you?” She implored me with her eyes to listen. “Let me help you. Let me save you, Joey.” “You can’t.” What part of that didn’t she get? “There’s nothing left to save, Mrs. Kavanagh, so please just stop.”

“I’m not you,” I ground out. “I refuse to be you.” “You can’t stop it, Joey,” he replied, using my name for impact. It worked. It rattled me. “You can’t fight your nature, boy.” He took another slug of whiskey. “Only way you’re changing the ending of your story is if you walk away from that girl and her kid, and we both know you’ll never do it.” He shook his head in defeat before adding, “God knows I couldn’t.”

“It’s okay, Shan. It’s all good,” I tried to soothe, because I had a love in my heart for this little girl that no volume of drugs or depths of depression could kill. Except that she wasn’t a little girl anymore. She was a young woman, and it gave me hope. Hope that she’d survive what I couldn’t. What I failed to do.

“What about me?” I broke down and cried. “What about me, Shannon? What about me!” “I love you,” she wept, unwilling to let me go. “I do. I love you so much, Joe. I care about you. You’re important to me. We can figure this out.” Desperation filled her voice. “We can get through this together. You don’t need to do—”

“You swore. You fucking promised you wouldn’t leave us!”

“O-ee. O-ee.” Sean’s voice almost broke me, and I sucked in a shuddering breath, too afraid to turn around and look at the baby I’d given up so much of my life to raise. “I’m so sorry.”

“Stay, Joey,” Darren pleaded, voice breaking. “I can’t do this without you.” “You’re going to have to,” I deadpanned before stepping around him and opening the door. “Don’t let them down.”

Several weeks of rainfall meant that the town’s river was close to bursting its banks. Good. The current would take me quickly. All I had to do was let go. Just close my eyes and let myself fall.

“Don’t, Joey.” Clad in an oversized hoodie, Lizzie Young slowly walked toward me. “Don’t.” “Just turn around and walk away,” I replied, bone-weary, as I turned my attention back to the river. “Just…leave me alone.”

“Don’t go over the edge.” The wind blew her hair around her face, but she never faltered when she stepped closer and circled my wrist tightly with her hand. “It’s not the way out.” I sighed wearily, eyes locked on the hand she wrapped around mine. “Lizzie, please just—”

“It won’t fix anything,” she strangled out, burying her face in the back of my hoodie. “You think it’s the answer to all your problems, and maybe it is, to yours.” She sucked in a sharp breath. “But what about the people you leave behind? You think they’ll be able to accept it?” I could feel her shaking her head. “They’ll never accept it, Joey. It will haunt them forever. It haunts me forever.”

“Do you have any idea how fucking selfish that sounds?” she demanded. “When you mean so much to so many people!” “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Your sister and brothers love you,” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “They love you so fucking much it’s palpable. And your girlfriend? Aoife? Holy shit, lad, I have never seen someone look so in love with another human being in my life.”

“Jesus,” I bit out, frustrated. “You’re so fucking stubborn.” “Says the pot to the kettle,” Lizzie countered. “So, what’s it going to be, Joey Lynch? Are we dying tonight, or are we living?” “You’re living,” I begrudgingly conceded, allowing her to pull me back over the railing and onto solid ground. “I’m being emotionally blackmailed.” “Hey, whatever keeps your heart ticking,” she replied. “Sorry, not sorry.”

I love you, okay? Please don’t ever doubt that. I love you so fucking much I don’t even know how to put it into words. But I just… I need to set you free.

“I have them, Joey.” Four words that shook the foundations I was standing on, followed swiftly by four more. “I got them out.” “You have them?” Dizziness engulfed me as I tried to comprehend what the fuck he was saying. He had them? My kids? He had them? “You got them out?” He nodded vigorously as his arms came around my body. “Ollie, Tadhg, Sean, and Shannon.”

“They’re all there. I swear to God, lad, all of your brothers and Shannon are at my place right now.” He tightened his hold on me, and I was fairly sure he was taking the weight for both of us when he whispered in my ear, “They’re safe.”

“I should have been here,” I heard myself say—to who, I wasn’t sure. But I said it. “It’s my job to keep them safe.” “They are safe.” Someone was holding me. There was an arm around my shoulder and a big hand covering mine. “And so are you.” Was it God? Was it the Devil? Where the fuck was I? “No,” I mumbled drowsily as I felt the last strand of my sanity snap. “It was my job to keep her safe.”

“You’re pregnant, for Christ’s sake,” he continued, climbing in alongside us and starting the engine. “This isn’t good for you. I know you love the boy, and my heart is breaking for him, too. I’ve indulged you all night. I’ve done everything I can to help and support you, but I’m putting my foot down now. This isn’t good for the baby, and I think it’s high time you start putting the baby first.”

You’re my favorite friend, with my favorite everything.

If I had a packet of Rolos right now, I’d give you my last one.

Don’t worry, Peter Pan. I’ll be your Wendy.

“You’ll have a boy,” she told me. “And he’ll be just like his father.” “I hope so.”

“You should take her to him and watch her work her magic,” Nanny said then, turning to Edel. “Return my grandson’s heart to him, and he’ll start living again.”

“You can’t hide from me,” I cleared the lump in my throat and declared. I felt bad for ignoring Shannon, but in that moment her brother was my number one priority. “And you can’t give up, either.”

“I know you’re hurting, and I know you’re tired, baby,” I whispered, holding him as close to me as I physically could in this moment. “But I promise, if you just hold on a little while longer, it’ll get better.” I kissed him again. “You’re going to make it, Joe. I swear it.” “Okay, Molloy.” Another tear trickled down his cheek. “Whatever you say.”

“I only wanted to protect you.” “That’s my job, remember?” I joked through my tears. “I’m the one saving 6.”

“I let them down.” “Who?” “The boys.” He shuddered. “Shannon.” “No, baby, you didn’t let anyone down.” “They hate me.” “Nobody who knows the real you could ever hate you,” I whispered, wiping a tear from his cheek. “If you could only understand how much you mean to those children, how much they adore you, appreciate you. If you could only see yourself through their eyes…” I exhaled shakily. “You are so important to so many people.”

“He wants a song played at the funeral,” I told her, relaying one of his heartbreaking ramblings. “‘Lightning Crashes’ by Live. It’s the only thing he wants,” I explained. “Well, the song and the promise that Marie isn’t buried with Teddy.”

“Any other advice, Aoife, love?” she asked with a weary sigh. “Yeah, don’t give up on him,” I told her, forcing my lip to stop wobbling as I spun around to face her. “I know he’s difficult and can be a right pain in the hole at times, but you need to not quit on him, Edel. No matter what. If you quit one time, one single time, then that’s it.” Leaning against the sink at my back, I snapped my fingers for emphasis. “He’ll be done. That flicker of hope? That tiny semblance of a bridge he’s offering you and John into his world? He’ll burn it to the ground the minute you let him down, and you’ll never get back in.”

“Read the part at the end,” I instructed when she gasped and clenched her eyes shut. “Read the part where he was trusting his babies with you and John.”

“Because that’s what Ollie, Shan, Tadhg, and Sean are,” I forced myself to continue. “They’re his babies, and something about you and your husband resonated with him. You don’t realize how momentous that is. He planned on killing himself, and the saddest part about it is that he’s been fighting his whole life. He’s tired. He’s so damn weary, and I know that despite everything he would never contemplate leaving those kids unless he had a plan for them. He did have a plan for them. He finally found a home for his babies with people he feels he can trust. If you knew Joe like I do, then you’d know that he doesn’t trust. He’s been through too much, so the fact that he wrote all of this down and was prepared to go against his mother and brother to get his siblings to safety? Well, that’s one hell of a compliment to you and John.”

“Giving up power to you will be his biggest sacrifice because you’re a woman, and women have always let him down. He’s not fixable like Tadhg, Ollie, and Sean. You can’t slap a plaster on him and heal the scars they put in him. He’s not forgiving like Shannon or diplomatic like Darren. Joey’s not open to change. He’s a closed book. He’s been traumatized far deeper than you, his siblings, or anyone else could comprehend. But you?” I looked her dead in the eyes. “There’s something about you that calls to him. He’s trusting you with his babies. That’s a breakthrough.” “I am all in with these children,” she vowed, voice thick with emotion. “I am all in with him.”

“I hope so,” I replied, tone mirroring hers. “Because he’s going to get better, I can promise you that, and then your family is going to meet the real Joey. And I promise, you guys are going to fall head over heels in love with him.” She smiled softly. “We already are, love, we already are.”

It broke my heart because I knew she had put more holes in Joey than his bastard of a father ever had. There was a Marie-Lynch-sized hole in my boyfriend’s heart that no amount of loving could heal. God knows I’d tried.

“You should have told me to fuck off,” he whispered, leaning in close. “All those years back when we were in first year.” His lips brushed mine once, twice. “I’ve loved you since then.” Another kiss. “From the first time I laid eyes on you, sitting on the wall with your blond hair blowing around your face.” His tongue snaked out, teasing mine. “I just didn’t know it then.”

“I love you, queen. Always have and always will.” He continued to break me down by whispering, “There was only ever you for me. Stone-cold sober or off my trolly, my head knows that.” Taking my hand in his, he pressed it to his chest before adding, “My heart knows that, too.”

“I’ve done you wrong in so many ways, I couldn’t even begin to list them, but I would never do ya wrong like that. I have never done you wrong like that, okay? If I’ve given you nothing else these past few years, trust that I’ve given you fidelity. I never broke that promise, Molloy. Fucking never.” “Joe, I just want you to get better,” I pleaded, clutching him with a death grip. “I need you to. So badly.”

“Come back for me, Joe,” I cried out hoarsely, clutching my stomach. “Get better and come back for me… For your family.” Looking shattered, he stared at me for the longest moment before nodding. “I’ll come back for you. For both of you.” And then he was gone.

Aoife: I felt the baby kick for the first time today.

I wasn’t sure what I felt anymore, didn’t know and couldn’t tell what was real and what was synthesized. All I could see was her. The girl from the wall.

“Well, I know Mam and Dad won’t let you either,” he argued. “So, you need to pass these exams, and if you don’t want to do it for yourself, then do it for the baby.” That stung. Everything I was doing was for the baby.

“And you’ve chosen your birth partner?” “Me,” Mam interjected. “I’ll be going with her when she delivers.” “No.” I rolled my eyes. “My boyfriend will be coming with me.” “Aoife.” Mam’s eyes filled with concern. “We don’t know if he’ll be back by then.” “He’ll be back,” I confirmed, turning my attention to the doctor. “Joey Lynch,” I said, pointing at my file. “You can jot that down. He’s my birth partner.”

“Put the gun down, Joey,” she replied with a sad smile. “The fight’s over.” “Yeah, well, I’ve been fighting for so long, I don’t know how to take my finger off the trigger,” I muttered, cracking my knuckles. “Fuck it, maybe I am crazy. Maybe it is better that I can’t talk to her. I’ve already dragged her through the ringer.”

“Then just let me phone her.” “Joey—” “Please,” I bit out. “I will do whatever the fuck you want. I’ll talk about all the shit. I’ll deal with Darren. Just let me have one phone call with my girl. Please, Doc. I don’t do begging, but I’ll do it for her.”