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“I reckon there’s something going on there between Shannon and Kavanagh. She’d never admit it, of course, but I’m not thick. I mean, first he’s driving her home from school, then he’s taking her to the pub, and now he’s publicly defending her honor and settling scores with a bunch of bitches that have been hounding her for years? Sounds a little more than just friends, if you ask me.”
“Then what do you want from me, Molloy?” I asked, feeling helpless. “What can I do here?” “You can stay,” she squeezed out, and a shudder rolled through her. “I want you to stay with me, Joe.” “I’m staying,” I replied, expelling a frustrated breath. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’re not pregnant, are ya?” I joked, wrapping her up in my arms. “Could you imagine?” she joked back, still crying. “Fuck no.” I chuckled. “I think I’d rather open the door and lie down in the traffic.” “Then it’s a good thing I’m not,” she replied, laughing almost manically before another batch of sobs racked through her. “It’s probably just period hormones or something.”
Sighing, I slid my hand into his back pocket, leaned into his side, and said, “I’m sorry for being such a bitch to you.” “Meh. I’m an addict, you’re a bitch,” he mused, pulling me close. “No relationship is perfect.”
“I didn’t want to trouble you again.” She cringed, cheeks burning. “I feel like that’s all any of us do these days.” “Because I’m your brother,” he snapped, closing the space between them and tucking her under his arm. “That’s what I’m supposed to do.”
“You call and I come running,” he told them in a gruff tone, but his eyes were locked on mine as he spoke. “Every time.”
Reverting to the life-learned pattern that had led me down the path that Molloy had dragged me out of at Christmas was not an option, so instead of drowning out the noise by self-medicating, I settled for a smoke instead.
“That supply issue I was having is all cleared up now.” Reaching into his pocket, he withdrew a baggie and thrust it into my hands. “Your usual.” “Shane.” With my chest heaving, I stared down at the bag of oxy in my hand. “I can’t.” “Tell you what,” he said, rising to his feet. “This one’s on me. If I don’t hear from you again, then no hard feelings.” He walked away before I could say another word, leaving me alone with my self-control hanging by a tether.
“Nothing about the way you look is ever bad, Molloy,” he replied, tone thoughtful. “You just look sort of shiny.” I swallowed. “Shiny?” “Yeah.” He nodded. “Kind of like you’re glowing.” That would be your baby. “That would be my halo,”
“How do you feel about getting naked tonight?” he said against my lips. “Joe, I’m…” I exhaled a ragged breath. “I’m—” “Whatever it is, I don’t care,” he cut me off by saying. “I need in you so fucking bad, Molloy.”
“Don’t worry,” I teased, patting his chest. “The steroid-head look doesn’t appeal to me.” “No?” “Nope.” Grinning up at him, I added, “I’m more into the lean, mean, cocaine-snorting machine type.” He smirked. “Funny.”
“Let’s go say hi.” “What?” Joey gaped at me like I’d grown three heads. “Why would we say hi?” “Because he could be your future brother-in-law.” His brow furrowed. “Like fuck.”
“Hey, is your dick okay, man? I’m really sorry about that. I hope I didn’t squash your balls.” “Go fuck yourself, Gerard.” “I was being sincere, Jonathan. For that, you can get your own ice tonight… Hold up! You traitor! You went to the chipper!” “Yeah, I did, and it was fucking delicious, and I have no regrets.”
“Clearly, he doesn’t have a clue about sex, if he’s willing to trade pussy for a burger,” under his breath. “Be nice,” I scolded, slapping his shoulder. “I wouldn’t trade you for all the steak in Ireland.” I grinned. “Flattery will get you everywhere.”
“Oh, yeah.” I leaned close and whispered in Joey’s ear. “That big gorilla of a boy definitely wants in your baby sister.”
“Anyway, I just wanted you to know I appreciate that my sister has someone looking out for her when I can’t.” “No problem.” “A friend,” I said slowly, watching his reaction. “My sister needs a friend, Kavanagh. She doesn’t need to be getting her hopes up on a guy who’ll be gone come the summer.” Or her heart broken. “I won’t hurt her, Joey.” The sincerity in his voice and the vulnerable look in his eyes assured me that not only was my sister’s heart on the line here, but so was his. Poor fucker had gone and caught himself some big old feelings. For my sister, of all people.
“Because I never slept with Paul. I’ve only ever been with you.” “Yeah, and I never loved any of the girls I slept with, because I’ve only ever loved you.” “So, I get your heart, while you get my heart and my virginity?” “Sounds about right.” “That’s not a fair trade.”
“Because, you see this face?” Leaning in close, I rested my brow against hers and stroked her nose with mine. “Your face right here is the only face I’ve been seeing since I was twelve. Because no matter how off my head I’ve been over the years, no matter how far from reality I’ve let my mind wander, I have never lost sight of this face.”
Groaning in his sleep, Joey rolled onto his side and reached for me. “Molloy.” Shivering, I let him pull me back into his arms and press a kiss to my temple. “Hmm?” “Don’t run,” he mumbled in his sleep as he draped his arm around my body and spooned me from behind. “Stay, baby.” “I’ll stay, Joe,” I whispered, clutching onto his forearm for dear life. “If you will.”
“Lad,” Gibsie snickered, nudging my shoulder with his. “I think my best friend is a small bit obsessed with your sister.”
“Everything about Kav’s world is serious, stable, and selected since birth. His future is set in stone, and his plans are cemented in front of him without an inch of moving space. So, if he’s moving shit around to make space for her, if he’s even considering putting her slap-bang in the middle of those plans, then it’s not an accident. He’s about as spontaneous as a dustpan and brush, lad. So, if he decides to go there with your sister, you can be sure that he’ll have put together an entire thesis of the pros and cons of making such a move beforehand. Johnny’s careful, lad, and he’s stable,
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“Well, I think you’re wrong,” Gibsie replied, handing me a fork and taking up position on the stool next to mine. “I think we could love each other.” I gaped at him. “You’re a freak.” “Oh, relax.” He chuckled. “I meant like brothers.” “I already have four,” I said flatly. “Don’t need any more.”
They looked fucking ridiculous together, with her barely reaching his chest bone in height. They were worlds apart and polar opposites, but the way they were looking at each other assured me that neither of them gave one iota of a shit for the small details.
“So, what’s the story with you and your buddy’s sister?” “Who?” he asked. “Claire?” I nodded. “She’s my intended,” he came right out and said, without a hint of embarrassment. “The fuck?” “It’s true,” he urged, eyes wide and full of sincerity. “We’re betrothed.” “Since when?” “Since she was four and I was six, and I promised her that I would marry her.”
“No—no!” he as good as roared, losing his cool completely as he held up a hand and battled to control his temper. Something I was all too familiar with. “Don’t give me that shit. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen her with marks. What’s happening to her?” Leaning back on my stool, I studied the lad who had injected himself into my sister’s life—and potentially all of our lives. He was standing in front of me, asking for the answers I couldn’t give. The helpless tone in his voice struck a chord with me. Because I knew that tone. I knew that desperation. I felt it daily.
“Who is hurting your sister?” he repeated, as desperation and frustration fused together inside of him. This fucker cared. He cared an awful lot.
“I want to know what’s going on here, Lynch. If she’s being bullied or some shit like that, then I can help. I can fix this if you just tell me.” “You can fix this?” “For her?” He nodded vehemently. “Absolutely.” “You like her.” I tilted my head to one side, studying him. “Maybe even more than like her.” He didn’t deny it. Good.
I didn’t know what I wanted him to say, but calling the baby “it” made me feel physically sick.
As resentful as I had been about the pregnancy, that didn’t mean that I wouldn’t have loved him just the same as I loved the rest of them. My heart would have expanded, and my arms would have stretched that little bit further to fit him in.
“I know what you want to say, but don’t, just… Please keep it inside you,” he begged, imploring me with his eyes to hear him. “Don’t say it out loud. Not tonight, okay? Just…not tonight. Because if you say it out loud, then it becomes real, and I can’t let it be real, Molloy, okay? I can’t lose you.”
“I need to not be near you right now, okay?” “Aoife.” “Because every time I look at you, all I can see is—” “Him,” he deadpanned, immediately releasing his hold on me. “Got it.” Nodding stiffly, he backed up to the gate, looking more crushed and broken than I’d ever seen him. “I hear ya, Molloy.”
She blamed me. She didn’t say it in so many words, but I knew she did. This was my fault. I was on my own until Molloy. She came into my life and all of a sudden, I had a partner, a friend, a true equal who was willing to go down in flames with me. And my father took that away from me. He took her away from me.
Too much had gone down in the past forty-eight hours for me to comprehend it or even think rationally. My mother had given birth prematurely and the baby was dead. My father had tried to rape my girlfriend. And now, my girlfriend couldn’t stand the sight of me.
“I’m doing that, Shannon. Me! I’m the one trying to soften the blows, and they just keep coming!” “Then maybe you and Dad will both get lucky and he’ll finish me off the next time,” she sobbed, dropping her head in her hands. “It’ll save you the worry and him the energy.” “Don’t fucking say that, Shannon,” I strangled out, flinching from both the impact of her words and the thought of it happening. She couldn’t have hurt me more if she stabbed me through the heart.
“If he touches you again, Shannon, I want you to grab the sharpest knife you can find, and I want you to plunge it into his heart.” Finally, she turned to look at me, eyes full of despondence. “You’re not coming back, are you?” “I can’t,” I strangled out, willing her to understand that my sanity was at stake. “If I go back inside that house, I’ll kill them both.”
“I’m seeing a lot of red flags shooting up around us now. Ones I never used to see before tonight, but can’t get out of my head ever since.” Struck fucking dumb, I just stared at her, unable to read the signs or hear the meaning of whatever the fuck she was trying to tell me. “What are you saying?” “I’m saying that your life scares me, and maybe you were right when you told me that you were a bad idea for me.”
“So, yes, I’m mad at you, and maybe it’s irrational to feel it and my emotions are all misplaced, but I’m mad, and hurt, and I’m so fucking angry with you.” Her voice cracked, and she choked out another pained sob before admitting, “Because I was there tonight for you. Looking after your brothers for you. And because every horrible situation that I’ve found myself in this past year and a half has been for you. I keep getting hurt because I love you!”
“Don’t go.” “I’m sorry.” Gently peeling her hands away from my body, I placed them at her sides and moved for the window, needing to get as far as from this girl as I could before I did any further damage. “I love you.” “Joey!” “I’ll be seeing ya, Molloy.” And then I climbed out of her window and slipped into the night.
He confirmed what I already knew, did my blood work, and gave me an estimated due date of September 20th.
Apparently, his mother had had a late second-trimester miscarriage, and he was needed at home to help out with the kids for a week or two until she was back on her feet. I’d thrown up violently when I heard the news, quickly putting two and two together and realizing that when he told me that something had come up that day, he wasn’t feeding me a line.
“Please stop,” I begged, feeling dizzy at the thought. “I’m so unbelievably terrified of what’s coming that I’m surprised I can function.” “You can do this,” she assured me. “You are going to be a good mother.” “I’m going to be a disaster,” I mumbled glumly. “I can barely cook French toast.”
“Oh, you mean when my father tried to rape my girlfriend?” I bit out, trembling with anger again. “No, no, I’m grand, Mam. That didn’t fuck with my head one bit.”
“I’m here when I don’t want to be, when I would rather be anywhere else on this planet—and that includes a coffin—but I’m here because you called. Because you need me. Because they need me. Even though being inside this house makes me want to peel my skin off. I’m fucking here. If that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know, then I don’t know what to say. I really don’t.”
“I want you to love yourself enough to stop destroying yourself.” “How do you ever expect that to happen when the very person who gave birth to me can’t love me?”
“Don’t do it,” she begged, following after me as I pocketed my phone and wallet and moved for the door. “Think about your future.” “I don’t have one of those anymore.” “Yes, you do.” “No.” I shook my head and yanked the door open. “He took her away from me.”
My priorities had switched. I had come to the realization that Aoife Molloy had become the single most important person in my world.
“Oh my god.” My breath hitched in my throat. “Why, Joe, why?” “Why do you think?” he whispered brokenly, still obediently keeping eye contact with me as I held his chin in my hand. “I broke you.” “No, Joe, you didn’t break me.” I shook my head and blinked back the tears stinging my eyes. “You broke you.” “It’s my fault.” He looked away then, pulling his face free. “What happened to you is on me.”
“You still have me, Joe. I don’t blame you, okay? I don’t.” “I’m him.” “No, you’re not.” “Yeah, I am.” He shrugged. “You said it yourself.” “That was my hurt talking,” I choked out. “I didn’t mean it.” “It was your brain talking,” he corrected. “It was your truth.” “Joey, come on.” “I can’t.” I watched as another shiver rolled through him. “I can’t do this right now, Aoife.”
“About how I thought that you needed to stay away from my son? Well, I was wrong.” My brow furrowed. “You were wrong?” “Joey needs you,” she continued to say, blue eyes full of lonesome sincerity as the urgency in her tone grew. “More than he needs me—or anyone else, for that matter. For most of his life, my son has been so hell-bent on escaping his mind, that he’s never given a second thought to destroying himself in the process. But with you, since my son has been with you, he’s different. It’s not only that he’s present, but that he wants to be. You soothe something inside of him, something
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“Don’t give up on him, Aoife. Please don’t give up on my boy.”
