More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
He glared at me with those cold eyes. “You think you know everything, don’t ya?” “I know enough,” I held my ground and replied. “You know fuck-all.” A cruel smile spread across his face. “He’s either going to end up killing himself or someone else.” “Then let’s hope it’s you.” My response surprised him, and he raised a brow. “You’re not afraid of me, are ya, girl?”
“Gus, is it?” I asked calmly. “Is that your name?” “Gibsie,” he corrected with a sheepish grin. “It’s Gibsie, although my mother calls me Gerard—”
“You wouldn’t what, Hugh?” she cut him off by hissing. “You wouldn’t treat me like an afterthought? Because, news flash, asshole, that’s exactly what you’ve been doing.” Taking it all in with sober eyes, I briefly considered telling them that if they were trying to conceal a hookup they were doing a pretty terrible job, before remembering these assholes were not my monkeys and this was not my circus.
“What’s your name?” she asked, stepping closer. “Patrick,” he told her, offering her a shy smile. “What’s yours?” Run, Patrick, run, I felt like shouting, she’s going to eat you alive, you poor innocent fool.
“You’re honestly trying to tell me that those two aren’t in love?” “I never said they weren’t in love.” Chuckling, she added, “Only that they’re not together.”
While the rest of his friends had long since abandoned their girlfriends and dates, Gibsie hadn’t taken more than three steps away from Claire all night.
Our eyes met, green on green, and he winked at me from across the room. And just like that, I was ruined.
“Go on,” Katie urged, giving me a little shove in the direction of the kitchen. “You’re Aoife Molloy. Since when did you start letting a boy call the shots in your life?”
“You can’t tell me what to do, Joe,” I growled, feeling a combination of drunk and dizzy. “You don’t own me.” “Well, that’s bad fucking luck on my account, because you sure as shit own me!” Drunk or not, his words hit me like a wrecking ball to the chest. Feeling the air whoosh from my lungs, I glared up at him, feeling a torrent of emotions crashing through me. “Why would you say that to me?” “Because it’s the truth.” “Since when?” “Since I was twelve.”
“Now, tell me you love me.” “I love you.” The words flew off my tongue in record time. “Say it again.” “I love you.” “How much?” “A lot.” “Hmm.” Taking my hand in hers, she led me onto the dance floor, and like the habit of a lifetime, I followed after her, knowing that this girl was by far my greatest addiction.
“It’s you,” he repeated gruffly, fingers tightening on my waist. “I pick you. Every single time.”
“I’ll love you the right way this time,” he whispered, and his breath fanned my cheek. “If you’ll show me how.”
“I’m not your mother or your sister. I’m not another girl who needs something from you. I’m the girl who wholeheartedly wants you. I’m the girl who wholeheartedly loves you. The hurler. The mechanic. The boy. The protector. The asshole. The lover. The addict.”
something about this girl settled something deep inside of me. I couldn’t understand it, much less explain it, but when I was with her, I felt like I was drowning and breathing at once. I felt like I was riding this thrilling wave, and it didn’t matter if I fell or not because I could only land on softness.
Her lips crashed against mine, and it was in this very moment that I knew I would never be able to untangle myself from this girl. Not in this lifetime.
“That’s it,” he snapped, tone furious, as he climbed to his feet and moved for the door. “If that creepy blond bastard is on the other side of that door again, I am going to fuck him up!”
Shirtless, and propped up against the wall his bed was aligned against, Joey had his head tilted sideways as he slept. He had one hand balled into a fist at his side, while the other hand hung limply around his brother’s waist. Protecting him even in sleep.
Addiction was a consequence of being raised by street thugs and dealers, where the only substitute available for a mother’s love came in the form of a line of cocaine or, worse, a needle in the arm.
Joey had somehow managed to survive his childhood and early teens by replacing the lack of his mother’s affection with the warm, enveloping embrace of ecstasy, and his father’s constant stream of mental gaslighting and physical abuse with the mind-numbing dexterity of opioids.
“Oh, come on, Molloy.” Groaning, I dropped my gear bag on the floor and walked over to her bed. “You’re not turning into one of those self-conscious girls, are ya?” “I gained weight, asshole,” she shot back. “I never said I wasn’t beautiful.”
My boyfriend’s biggest mistake, and I included his drug abuse in this statement because I was a firm believer that both were significantly connected, was that he offered unconditional love and fealty to a woman who would never deserve it.
“Don’t get lippy, boy,” his father warned, never taking his beady eyes off my legs. “This isn’t a whorehouse.” “It’s not?” Joey drawled, tone dripping with cynicism as he handed me a plate of food and a fork. Reaching around me, he grabbed a couple of cans of Coke from the fridge and slid one into each pocket of his sweats. “Well, shit, you could’ve fooled me, considering it produces just as many unwanted pregnancies.”
“You know, sometimes I don’t know if you use me as a soundboard for the crazy shit that goes on in your head or as an accomplice,” he admitted, thoroughly investigating my ensemble. “I’m down for either, by the way.”
If this hotshot fucker had taken time out of his rigid schedule to drive her home, then my baby sister had made more than just waves at Tommen. She’d summoned a goddamn tsunami.
“Because, you see this face?” Leaning in close, I rested my brow against hers and stroked her nose with mine. “Your face right here is the only face I’ve been seeing since I was twelve. Because no matter how off my head I’ve been over the years, no matter how far from reality I’ve let my mind wander, I have never lost sight of this face.”
“What?” he huffed out defensively. “I can’t help it if I’m friendly.” “Well, I’m not.” “Not what?” “Friendly.” “Ah, I don’t know about that.” He laughed. “Given a bit of time to get to know each other, I think we could be the best of friends.” “That will never happen,” I warned, glaring at him. “You’re a mad, posh bastard, with a personality that, quite frankly, unsettles the fuck out of me.” Switching off the stove, I grabbed two plates laden down with food, walked over to the nearby island, and set them down. “Meanwhile, I’m a short-tempered asshole, with neither the patience nor the
...more
“If you want money, you can make that for yourself,” Mam replied. “You don’t need a man to do that for you.”
“I’m not moving out,” I warned her, holding up a shaky finger. “I’m never leaving home, Mam. I’m staying put where there’s a veteran of motherhood in residence—and a veteran of the ironing board.” Mam laughed again. “That’s another thing I’ll have to teach you.” “I will never iron.” “You won’t have a choice.” “Yes, I will,” I shot back. “I’ll buy all non-iron clothes for the baby to wear.” “And who, may I ask, will iron your clothes?” I rolled my eyes. “My mother, obviously.”
when you peel back all the layers of yours and Joey’s relationship, taking the flirting, raging hormones, and the physical aspect out of the equation, there’s a rock-solid foundation underneath,” she told me. “One that’s based on friendship, and respect, and trust.”
I’m drama, remember?” I joked, feeling embarrassed. “You’re that, too,” she agreed with a smirk. “But my god, does warmth shine out from beneath that mischievous exterior of yours. It’s infectious.”
“You care about her,” Podge stated, watching me carefully. “More than anything or anyone you have ever allowed yourself to care about. I’ve seen it—the shift in you, and so has Alec. The change. The hopefulness she brings out in you. Hell, the whole fucking world can see how good that girl is for you, man. But you’re so determined to self-destruct that you’re not looking at what you’re doing to her.”
Get the fuck up and take care of her. Stop thinking about yourself, you fucking pussy. Don’t even think about pretending that you don’t care. It’s yours and you care. She’s yours and you care. It does matter and you do care.
“It’s called being sensible.” She rolled her eyes. “Since when do the words ‘Joey Lynch’ and ‘sensible’ go hand in hand?” “Since the words ‘Aoife Molloy’ and ‘pregnant’ joined forces,”
“Sometimes I can’t control it,” I admitted brokenly. “It’s like something goes off in my head, and I check out. I stop thinking. I stop feeling. I stop fucking remembering all of the reasons I have to keep going and start thinking about all of the reasons why I should give up.”
“We’re a team, Joey Lynch, and that bastard doesn’t stand a chance against us.”
Ha-fucking-ha, I mentally cheered, go upstairs and change your boxers, you little shit.
Only when my brother was gone, and the kitchen door was closed, did I move for the table, stopping midstride when the boy who had a firm hold of my hand refused to move. I knew why of course. He didn’t want me anywhere near his father. Neither did I, but I wasn’t going to cower from a creep like him. I would never back down to this man. Because he didn’t beat me that night and he never would.
“I’ve loved your daughter for six years,” Joey finally broke his silence by saying. “I can easily love her for another eighteen.”
So, don’t fucking sit there and pretend that I’m incapable of being a good father to my kid when that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for yours since I was twelve!”
“Wait right there,” Mam called after us. “Don’t even think about wandering around town in the dark of night in your condition. Take Joey up to your room while we finish up here.” “Upstairs?” Dad muttered. “Really, Trish?” “What are they going to do, Tony?” Mam sighed. “Get pregnant again? They have to get this one out to put another one in.” “Jesus, don’t give them any notions.”
“You are not kicking her out of school,” I snarled, sitting straight up. “This isn’t the nineteen fucking fifties. There’s no goddamn way that I’m going to allow you to shun her like she’s some sort of scarlet woman. If anything, I’m the scarlet fucking man.”
“You were just trying to intimidate my girlfriend into going quietly, without making a splash for the school,” I corrected, cutting her off. “Yeah, I know your game. I didn’t come down in the last shower. I know how much easier it is for the school board when pregnant girls disappear from the roll book. Difference is, those girls had to do it alone.” I paused to point at Molloy before adding, “Aoife has me, and I have no intention of going quietly.” If I could do nothing else for her, then I could stand in front of her and take the pressure, the disappointment, the pain. I could take the blows
...more
Whether she denied it or not, she chose him. She would always choose him. But this time, I was choosing my siblings over her.
She was as sick as he was and I wanted no more part in this.
“Keep your fucking hands off my mother,” I heard myself roar, reacting on a lifetime of instinct as I shoved him away from my mother’s broken body and moved straight for her. “Mam.” I could feel myself breaking, my voice, my self-control, my heart. All of it was just shattering into a million pieces. I knelt down beside her, hating that she feared my touch almost as much as his when all I ever tried to do was shield her.
Pain ricocheted through me. I could feel the bone in my nose twisting sideways from the brunt of his blows. In a way, I was relieved because I thought this might finally be it. It’s finally over.
It was only ever going to go one of two ways. Either he was going to kill me, or I was going to kill him. At least, if he finished it, I could rest. I could just have peace.
Don’t you dare stop. You’ve got a girl and a baby depending on you. Get the fuck back up on your feet. Don’t you dare leave her alone in this.
I could hear the kids crying, I could hear Mam wailing, I knew Shannon needed help, but all I could think of in this moment was my girlfriend. All of the bad shit I’d done, all of the horrible fucking situations I’d put her in down through the years. I could feel the tears trickling down my cheeks as my body weakened. I love you, I mentally told her. I’m sorry. I gave it a fucking shot.
