Redeeming 6 (Boys of Tommen, #4)

by Chloe Walsh

Redeeming 6 is dedicated to the boys I went to secondary school with, whose shenanigans, friendship, banter, hilarious antics, and blind loyalty inspired the characters of Johnny, Gibsie, Feely, and Hughie. Walshy, Slash, Al, and Madden: the OG Boys of Tommen. (And, yeah, I married the first one.)

“You’re honestly trying to tell me that those two aren’t in love?” “I never said they weren’t in love.” Chuckling, she added, “Only that they’re not together.”

“You don’t get to tell me you love me and then go right back to breaking my heart!” She choked out another pained sob when I cupped her cheek. “You don’t love me, Joey.” Eyelids fluttering, she leaned into my touch and sniffled. “You don’t know how to love anyone.” “Maybe I do it badly,” I choked out, as my heart splintered apart. “But I do love you.”

While the rest of his friends had long since abandoned their girlfriends and dates, Gibsie hadn’t taken more than three steps away from Claire all night.

Our eyes met, green on green, and he winked at me from across the room. And just like that, I was ruined.

“You can’t tell me what to do, Joe,” I growled, feeling a combination of drunk and dizzy. “You don’t own me.” “Well, that’s bad fucking luck on my account, because you sure as shit own me!” Drunk or not, his words hit me like a wrecking ball to the chest. Feeling the air whoosh from my lungs, I glared up at him, feeling a torrent of emotions crashing through me. “Why would you say that to me?” “Because it’s the truth.” “Since when?” “Since I was twelve.”

Because every part of me loved every part of her. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

“It’s you,” he repeated gruffly, fingers tightening on my waist. “I pick you. Every single time.”

“I mean it,” I warned, shaking my head. “I’m a big girl and I knew what I was getting myself into when I kissed you that day outside your house. You have this warped notion that you need to shield me from your life when nothing about your life has come as a surprise to me. I walked into this relationship with my eyes wide open, and guess what, my eyes are still open, and I still want in.” “I still want in, too,” he replied gruffly. “I just…” He blew out a ragged breath. “You mean the world to me,” he confessed, voice pained. “I know I have a fucked-up way of expressing myself, and I don’t show it like I should. But it’s true. I don’t want to do anything to hurt you, yet most of the time, that’s exactly what I end up doing.” His words, his touch, his scent… It was all too much in the moment. “Joe.” “I’ll love you the right way this time,” he whispered, and his breath fanned my cheek. “If you’ll show me how.”

“What I did at Christmas? How far I went? It scared the shit out of me, and all I could think about was if I didn’t get you away from me, I would end up destroying my world, because that’s what you are to me, Aoife. You’re my whole goddamn world wrapped up in one girl. So, yeah, maybe I’ve gone about it entirely the wrong way, but all I’ve ever tried to do is protect you.” “See, that’s a huge part of our problem right there, Joe, because I’ve never needed your protection,” I croaked out. “I’m not your mother or your sister. I’m not another girl who needs something from you. I’m the girl who wholeheartedly wants you. I’m the girl who wholeheartedly loves you. The hurler. The mechanic. The boy. The protector. The asshole. The lover. The addict.” Sniffling, I added, “All of your versions. All of your shapes and colors. I accept them all. So, I don’t care how fucked up in the head you get, or how bad of an idea you decide you are for me. If you can’t be with me, warts and all, then walk away now, because I won’t go through this again with you.”

“No more walls, Joe.” My arms came around his waist, fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt as I clung to him like a prayer. “No more secrets and cover-ups, okay? We’re way past those. Because I’ve never been your enemy,” I squeezed out. “I’ve always been your teammate.”

I couldn’t understand it, much less explain it, but when I was with her, I felt like I was drowning and breathing at once. I felt like I was riding this thrilling wave, and it didn’t matter if I fell or not because I could only land on softness.

“Yeah.” He nodded slowly. “This is my world. It’s fucking horrible, but I’m willing to show you, if you’re willing to stay.” “Always, Joe,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his waist. “Always.”

Where she saw weakness, I saw strength. Where she saw fear, I saw resilience. Unlike me, Shannon didn’t need to alter her mind to survive the world we lived in. She thought she was the weakest link in the family chain, when it couldn’t be further from the truth. My sister was titanium.

“What do you see when I look at you?” He flinched. “That’s not the—” “What do you see, Joe?” “You,” he whispered brokenly. “I see you, Molloy.” “You see love,” I corrected softly, releasing his hand to cup his stubbly cheek. “You see acceptance.” He swallowed but didn’t reply. “We’re mirrors, Joe,” I told him, taking his hand and placing it on my cheek. “Everything you feel for me is reciprocated. It’s mirroring back at you.” “Molloy.” “Your mother might be foolish enough to disregard you, but that will never happen from me,” I whispered, shifting closer until our noses were brushing. “I will never reject your love.” He exhaled and whispered, “I’m really fucking drowning here, Aoife.” “Don’t worry, Joe. I won’t let that happen,” I replied, nuzzling his nose with mine. “I won’t let your head go under.”

Teddy was the house they were stuck inside, and Marie was the key that refused to turn in the lock and free them.

So, could I live with marriage and babies if that was what her future consisted of? All I knew was that I couldn’t live without her. It wasn’t an option.

“Meh. I’m an addict, you’re a bitch,” he mused, pulling me close. “No relationship is perfect.”

“I think you’re quite possibly the most incredible human being I’ve ever known.” He shook his head and chuckled. “Fuck off.” “I’ve never meant anything more in my life,” I urged. “Who you are? What you do? The knocks you’ve taken? The blows you continue to receive? How hard you love those kids? How much you sacrifice so that they don’t have to?” I shook my head. “It’s mind-blowing, Joe. Your selflessness is staggering.”

“Listen to me.” Leaning in close, I tucked her hair behind her ear and said, “I’m not Tony, and you’re not Trish, okay? I would never do that to you,” I promised as I cupped the side of her face with my hand and resisted the urge to shake this sudden onslaught of irrational fear and neediness out of her. “Do ya hear me? I would never cheat on you.”

“Because, you see this face?” Leaning in close, I rested my brow against hers and stroked her nose with mine. “Your face right here is the only face I’ve been seeing since I was twelve. Because no matter how off my head I’ve been over the years, no matter how far from reality I’ve let my mind wander, I have never lost sight of this face.”

“The only face,” I confirmed with a small nod. “The only girl.” “Future,” she whispered shakily, and then her lips were on mine. “You said ‘future,’ Joe.” “No,” I mumbled against her lips. “I said our future.” She pulled back to look at me. “You want one of those?” I watched her carefully. “Don’t you?” “With me?” “Who else, Molloy?” She looked genuinely stumped. “But you never talk about the future.” I shrugged. “Never used to think I had one.” “And you do now?” “You sound surprised.” “Because I am.” Her eyes searched mine as she continued to hold my face between her hands. “You want a future with me, Joe?” “I know that I don’t want one without you, Molloy,” I replied, leaning in to brush my lips against hers. “So that narrows shit down, doesn’t it?” “I guess it sort of does,” she murmured, thumbs tracing over my cheekbones. “So, do you have any idea what this future might look like?” “Well, it won’t look like a mansion in the country.”

“I don’t care about that,” she whispered, eyes full of urgency. “Tell me, Joe.” “I suppose it looks a bit like us finishing out school,” I offered with a shrug. “You’ll get into that hairdressing course in St. John’s, and I’ll take the apprenticeship at the garage with your dad.” “Uh-huh.” Her eyes twinkled with excitement. “Keep going.” Maybe the night could be saved after all. “And then we’ll attempt to save up for a flat,” I said, amused by her sudden perkiness and playing along to make her happy. “That I’ll end up paying for because you’ll blow every cent you earn on clothes and makeup—which is nothing new there.” “For real?” she squealed, bad mood forgotten now as she shimmied around in the passenger seat. “You see us moving in together?” “Don’t get your hopes up,” I warned. “On an apprentice’s wage, it’ll end up being a shitty one-bed apartment at the end of Elk’s Terrace, with leaky pipes and a mouse-infestation problem.” “Psssh.” She waved her hand like those details were unimportant. “That’s why plumbers and mouse traps were invented.” She grinned at me. “What else does this future of ours consist of?” “Aside from all of the wild sex we’ll be having in our shitty flat?”

“The constant wild sex,” she agreed approvingly. “On every surface.” “Which we’ll soon run out of because it’s so small.” “And mouse-infested.” “And damp.” “And unbearable.” She smiled. “Keep going.” “After a while, we’ll upgrade to a two-bed.” “A two-bed?” “Yeah.” I chuckled. “Somewhere for my sister and the boys to hide out. Otherwise, they’ll end up emotionally scarred from all of the wild sex we’ll be having.” “Okay.” She laughed. “So, we’re adopting your siblings now, are we?” “What can I say?” I grinned. “It’s a matter of buy one and get four free.” “Maybe we should just permanently evict your parents and keep the house,” she joked. “We’d save a fortune in subsidized rent from the council.” “Don’t tempt me,” I groaned, reluctantly smiling. “So, now that we’ve established a future with me ...

“Right.” She laughed. “Good one.” “So, any cold feet?” I mused, tucking a tendril of hair behind her ear. “Any changes you want to make to our future plans, or are we all set?” “No cold feet,” she replied, burying her face in my ...

“Oh yes.” Mam nodded. “You spent four years of your youth settling for comfortable with a boy you had nothing in common with, while your heart never once wandered from a boy who made your whole face light up when he walked in the room.” A melancholy sigh escaped her. “I never saw you have that kind of reaction when you were with Paul. Your eyes didn’t widen when he looked at you, and your cheeks never blushed when he winked. You used to look almost despondent when he called over to see you.”

“Meaning that when you peel back all the layers of yours and Joey’s relationship, taking the flirting, raging hormones, and the physical aspect out of the equation, there’s a rock-solid foundation underneath,” she told me. “One that’s based on friendship, and respect, and trust.” Smiling fondly, she recrossed her ankles, switching them up, and leaned forward in her seat. “He’s your friend, Aoife, and you’re his. Never mind loving one another, that’s the easy part, you and Joey like each other. You enjoy one another’s company, and I can promise you that all of those wonderful aspects of your relationship, all of those effortless conversations you find yourself having with him, or all of the content spells of silence you spend in one another’s company, will only strengthen your ability to stand the test of time. And more crucially, the test of parenthood.”

“I want you to love yourself enough to stop destroying yourself.” “How do you ever expect that to happen when the very person who gave birth to me can’t love me?”

“Joey needs you,” she continued to say, blue eyes full of lonesome sincerity as the urgency in her tone grew. “More than he needs me—or anyone else, for that matter. For most of his life, my son has been so hell-bent on escaping his mind, that he’s never given a second thought to destroying himself in the process. But with you, since my son has been with you, he’s different. It’s not only that he’s present, but that he wants to be. You soothe something inside of him, something that his father and I are responsible for breaking, and I don’t want to see him have that snatched away from him again.”

“Because I made a mistake, Aoife,” she replied in a shaky tone. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes when it comes to my son,

but this is one that I hope I can make right.” She looked me in the eyes then, imploring me to hear her when she said, “Don’t give up on him, Aoife. Please don’t give up on my boy.” The sincerity in her voice threw me, and it took me a few moments to gather my thoughts before I could respond. “Nothing you said about Joey changed anything for me,” I heard myself say. “I know your son is worth loving, worth saving, even if the rest of the world can’t see it.” Even if he can’t see it himself. “I know who he is, Marie—the kind of man he is—and I know his worth, so you can rest assured that nothing you”—I paused to cast a look of disgust in the direction of their car before continuing—“your husband, or anyone else, for that matter, have ever said or done has come close to making a dent in my feelings for him.” Even though I was being catty toward her and my tone was undisguisably bitchy, I watched as his mother visibly sagged in relief. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For loving my son. I know that it’s not easy at times.” “Loving your son is effortless,” I cut her off by saying, pushing my damp hair out of my eyes. “It’s getting him to love himself that’s the hard part.”

“God loves a trier,” Casey agreed, eyes dancing with mischief. “But Aoife loves Joey.”

“You hurt yourself and that’s the same thing,” I choked out. “Because when you hurt, I hurt. When you burn, I go down in flames with you. We’re entwined, Joe. We’re mirrors. Don’t you get that by now?”

“You make me feel safe.” “Oh, Joe.” “I love you so fucking much it hurts.” “I know, baby. I love you, too.” “Don’t send me away again, Molloy.” “I won’t, Joe.” Her hand was on my hair again. “Shh, now. Just sleep it off, baby.”

“You know, I’m not sure I like where this conversation is heading,” I warned. “Because if this is the part where you tell me that you’re attracted to my girlfriend, I’m going to be really fucking pissed, and if you tell me that you’re attracted to me, then I’m going to be really fucking traumatized.”

“Good looks aside, you’re a fucking train wreck to deal with,” he argued. “And I should know. I’ve spent the last fourteen years watching you derail, but I’ve stuck around

for the same reason she has. Because she sees the same thing I do: a good fucking person underneath all of the bullshit. But you’re blurring those lines, Joe. You crossed a line today and you need to make it right,” he said, holding a finger up. “I love you like a brother, I always have, but one of these days you’re going to slip so far off the tracks that none of us will be able to reach you.”

“Lad, you’re still off your rocker if you think my country ass is walking through your thug-infested terrace at two o’clock in the morning.” Flopping down on my bed, Podge readjusted my pillow behind his head and made himself comfortable. “Nah, you’re stuck with me for the night, so you might as well get yourself reacquainted with the doghouse on the floor,” he offered, yawning. “Because I have a feeling

that’s where you’ll be spending most of your time for the foreseeable.”

I never wanted to be a parent—babies were never part of my plan—but if it had been a deal-breaker for Molloy, far, far into our future, then I maybe could have been persuaded. Now, it was being thrust upon us both.

“Sometimes I can’t control it,” I admitted brokenly. “It’s like something goes off in my head, and I check out. I stop thinking. I stop feeling. I stop fucking remembering all of the reasons I have to keep going and start thinking about all of the reasons why I should give up.” “Joe.” “I’m scared to be in my own head, Molloy,” I croaked out, feeling a shiver rack through my body. “I’m fucking terrified of my inability to control my own actions, and what’s worse is knowing that, at any point, I could end up going too far and driving you away. I could push away the one person, the only fucking person who has ever given a shit about me.” I exhaled a ragged breath, feeling torn and exposed to this girl. “I don’t want to go back to how it was—to how I was. I know what’s at stake. I see you. I fucking see you standing right here in front of me, and my heart is screaming at me to cop the hell on and get my shit together. And I want to. I want to so fucking bad, but it’s like this…” Frustrated, I reached up and pressed my fingers to my temples, trying to get the words out, to make it all make sense to her, which was impossible considering I didn’t understand it myself. Still, I tried, knowing that she deserved

nothing less. “It’s like I have this whole other person in my head, a whole other voice, even though I know it’s me. It’s my voice, but it’s a destructive fucking voice that rears its head every time I’m stressed.” “Which is constantly,” she filled in knowingly. I heaved out a breath and nodded. “The worse shit gets in my life, the louder the voice gets, louder and louder and louder, until it’s literally screaming in my head, and I can’t focus on anything other than doing the one thing that I know that will quieten it down.” “Self-medicating.” She swallowed. “Losing yourself.” “You asked me why I fucked up and caved after three months? It’s because I couldn’t take it anymore.” I shrugged helplessly. “And now there’s a baby coming, and I have so much to lose that I’m fucking terrified of blowing it again. I know that I need to get my shit together, and I will. But that’s the problem right there, because I can tell you that I’m going to be good, and I’ll mean it when I say it, but I don’t trust myself, Aoife .” My shoulders slumped and I exhaled a pained breath. “I just don’t.”

“This baby is yours,” I urged, shivering when I felt his fingers splay across my belly. “But this baby is not you, the same way that you are not him. So, we’re going in there, and we’re going to take all of the shit our parents throw at us on the chin, because we both know that nothing they say or do could ever change a damn thing for us. Because I’ve got your back and you’ve got mine.” Leaning up on my tiptoes, I caught hold of his chin and kissed him hard. “We’re a team, Joey Lynch, and that bastard doesn’t stand a chance against us.” His breath hitched in his throat. “Fuck.” “Are you with me?” He nodded slowly. “I’m with you, Molloy.” ______________________

“I’ve loved your daughter for six years,” Joey finally broke his silence by saying. “I can easily love her for another eighteen.”

“No, Tony, let me finish, because this needs to be said,” Joey argued, holding a hand up to my father, while focusing on Teddy Lynch. “You might have fathered six kids, but you sure as shit didn’t raise them.” “Joey,” Marie choked out, looking anxious. “Please don’t go there.” “And you sure as shit didn’t mother us,” he snapped, tone laced with accusation as he glared at his mother. “Darren raised me and Shannon. Not you, and not him. Darren raised us—until your husband literally drove him out of the fucking country. And then, all of the raising was left to me. So, don’t fucking sit there and pretend that I’m incapable of being a good father to my kid when that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for yours since I was twelve!”

Her hands stilled on my back. “I don’t want this life for you.” “Yeah, and I don’t want this life for you.”

This time when she reached for me, I took a step backwards. “It’s always going to be him. You’re always going to choose him.” “I’m not choosing him. I’m trying to keep my family together.” She took another step toward me, and I took three more away from her. “Joey, please.”

In a weird way, I felt like Rose from Titanic, when all of the other girls were drowning, but Jack kept her afloat. While Joey was no angel, he was loyal and accountable, and a better man than anyone in this room gave him credit for. I felt better just being in his presence. That’s the kind of person he was.

“Now, here’s how this is going to go,” I said when all three of my brothers rushed to stand behind me. “Either you find some maternal instinct deep inside that cold fucking heart of yours and put that bastard out for good,” I said, addressing our mother, “or I’m taking these kids out of this house and they are never coming back.”

“Make a choice, Mam.” I mentally willed her to do the right thing for once in her life. I knew she was scared. So was I. But these kids deserved better. She needed to be better, dammit, because this version of a mother wasn’t good enough to keep a litter of kittens safe. “Him or us!”