Keeping 13 (Boys of Tommen, #2)

by Chloe Walsh

I was so completely done with the pain and the bullshit. I didn’t want this life I had been born into. I didn’t want this family. I didn’t want this town or the people in it.

“I want you to know that I hate you more right now than I have ever hated him.”

“I want you to know that you are no longer my mother—not that I ever had one of those to begin with.”

From this day on, I won’t be there to protect you from him, just like you weren’t there to protect us.”

At nine and three years old, they didn’t trust her. Because even at their tender young ages, they knew that whether she meant to or not, their mother would inevitably let them down.

“The girl you remember is gone, Darren. I’m not her anymore. Whatever I used to be, he beat it out of me a long time ago.”

Having him here, hearing his voice and seeing his face, settled something deep inside of me. Something shifted into place. An almost relieved sensation fluttered over my skin, soothing something deep inside of me. I felt like I was home.

“I always want you to stay with me, Shannon,”

“You don’t get to shut me out, Shannon. You don’t get to do that to me again, because I won’t go this time. Do you hear me? I’m here, I’m in, I care, and I’m not going the fuck away.”

The usual fear and uncertainty that consumed me whenever I was in his presence was absent now. I felt stripped down to the bone and laid bare to this boy, and he was still here, still looking at me with the same eyes, still wanting more from me.

And I think I loved him more for what he didn’t say in that moment. He didn’t make promises he couldn’t keep. He didn’t offer more than he could give. He just stayed.

“I feel like I’m drowning in their pain, Ma,” I admitted hoarsely. I feel like I’m drowning in her.

“Hi, Johnny,” she whispered, tumbling off the door step as she clung to me. “You came back.” “Hi, Shannon.” My crutches fell to the ground as I wrapped my arms around her body, holding her in place. “I promised I would,”

“I’ll look after her,”

“I’ll look after you,”

All of your problems will still be there waiting for you, regardless of how much powder you snort up your nose or how many tablets you toss down your throat. You can smoke all the weed you want, drown yourself in a bottle of whiskey, shoot yourself up with every drug known to mankind, and it won’t change a damn thing because life will still be waiting in the wings to kick your ass when you come to.

One thing I knew for certain was that I could never untangle myself from this girl. And what’s more, I didn’t want to.

“I want you here,” he told me, never taking his eyes off mine. “I want you to stay with me.”

“Absolutely,” he replied. “I want you.”

“Here,”

“I want you here with me.”

“Keep that pretty head of yours up, Shannon like the river.”

“I’m going to buy you dinner, Shannon.” Closing the space between us, he lowered himself down on the couch and turned to face me. “Sometimes we’ll eat here and sometimes we’ll go out, but it’s going to be a regular occurrence, so don’t overthink it, okay?”

“If you had a million quid in your arse pocket, I wouldn’t have you pay for me,”

I wanted to hit pause on my life and just keep her.

“And then you walk in and it recedes.”

“You show up and all the bad just…goes away for a little while.”

“Better. Alive. Free. Safe. Important. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in days, and that’s only because you’re here—because I’m with you.”

“But I know that I don’t ever want to go back to how it was before you.”

“I don’t just like you. I fucking—” Shaking his head, Johnny rubbed his jaw before looking back at me. “Shannon, I love you.” I stopped breathing. “You love me?”

He nodded slowly, blue eyes locked on mine. “Like, a crazy fucking amount.”

“I love you back,” I blurted out, feeling a flood of heat rush through my body. “Like, a crazy fucking amount,” I added, giving his words back to him.

“And going back to your earlier question, I like you because you’re you, Shannon. I’ve never met another girl like you.”

“And beautiful. Jesus Christ, you are so fucking beautiful that it’s painful to look at you. I’ve never seen anything like you in my life.”

“It’s like you see me—and I see you. Christ, I think you saw through me that very first day on the pitch at school, because I sure as hell haven’t been the same since, Shannon.

I’m sticking around because I need you.” My heart beat so fast I feared it would burst. “You need me?” “You think it’s the other way around, but it’s not,” he told me. “I need you, too, because you calm something inside of me. You make me feel good. Like I don’t have to…” His voice trailed off for a moment as he clearly pondered what he was trying to say. “You make me feel like I’m enough as I am,” he

finally admitted. “Like if this is the furthest I go, if I don’t make the squad, then it’s okay.”

“I just… God, you have no idea how lovely you are.”

“What do you need from me, Shannon?” he croaked out, voice thick and husky. “I’ll give you anything you need, baby.”

“I just…I want to make you happy.” “You,” I whispered. “All of you.” “I’m already yours,” he groaned, bef...

Everything inside of me was swept up in him, and I couldn’t see beyond it.

and that was the exact moment I felt the shift, the switch from this being something sweet and innocent to something deeply complicated with the hint of forever.

“Shannon Lynch?” I called out, ignoring the rest of her fucked-up family. “I love you back.” Sniffling, she lifted her chin from Joey’s chest and looked at me all red-eyed and blotchy. “S-still?” “Still.” I nodded in confirmation. “Like, a crazy fucking amount.”

A crazy fucking amount. X

I’m not going anywhere. And I meant it. I promise. X Just text me when you wake up, let me know you’re okay. X I miss you. X Can you call me? Can I call you? Are you free to talk? X

“Shannon like the river, come back here!”

“For a start, I want you to look me in the eyes when you talk to me,”

“Don’t do that to me, Shannon—don’t block me out. Don’t give me you last weekend and then take it away again. I’m the same me from that night in my house. I’m the same me from every other time we’ve been together. So don’t put a wall up between us, not when you’ve already let me climb over it.”

“I like your trouble,”

“I want your complications.”