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She happened to me when I least expected her. I didn’t want it, wasn’t willing to negotiate with the change I knew she would bring. So I blocked her out. I kept her at arm’s length. Until one day, I couldn’t do it anymore.
Fuck addictive, I was obsessed with my girlfriend. I was in so deep with her that I could hardly breathe and still I jumped in deeper, pushed down further, wanted more and took it, doing whatever I could to just be with her.
for the first time in my life I was invested in something other than rugby. I was invested in her.
“Hey,” Gibsie interjected then, winking at Tadhg. “Don’t you be eating all that cake, fatty. I want some.” Tadhg snorted. “You look like you’ve had enough cake for a month.”
“You’re my everything.”
Every time I heard my phone vibrate or saw the screen light up, I was immediately attacked by an onslaught of butterflies in my stomach.
I was completely enraptured with him. It wasn’t good or safe or sensible, but it was exactly how I felt—and I craved the danger. I longed for the text messages and secret meetings. I longed for him.
“I’m in the same car as you, asshole,” Gibsie growled. “I can clearly hear your conversation. What do you want me to do? Stick my head out the window and bark at the traffic like a dog?”
“Je veux lécher la chatte de ma copine.” I frowned. “What?” Johnny grinned devilishly. “I said, je veux être à l’intérieur de toi.”
“Jesus,” Dad muttered, running a hand through his hair in clear exasperation. “I don’t know how I’ve survived living in a house with two bulldozers.” “Great food and even greater sex, that’s how,” Mam shot back, not missing a beat. Dad smirked. “That’s true.”
“I’d do anything for you, Shannon like the river,”
“I don’t even like my own tongue in my mouth.”
“You are home.”
he always made time for Sean. Every evening when he got home from the gym or training, he would sit on the couch with Sean and listen patiently as he babbled on about his day. Most of what Sean said made zero sense, but Johnny always listened to him anyway, responding with enthusiastic words of encouragement and smiles.
“You’re my queen,” he purred, slapping his thighs. “So come here and let me worship ya.”
“Are you going to do me wrong, baby?”
“And you know that I love you back, my little blue river,” he slurred. “Now, I know I’m fairly langers, but I could be a thousand percent langers and you’d still be safe with me.” Smiling loosely, he added, “And you’d still be the best thing these eyes have ever seen.” He pointed at his own eyeballs. “Yep, these ones love looking at you. Fuck, now I’m hard again.”
“I’m a great sailor,” Johnny declared, distracting me from Gibsie’s hilarious meow noises. “Did you know that?” “No.” Smiling, I turned fully in his arms now. “You like to sail?” “I’d love to sail,” he purred, reaching down to squeeze my ass. “Down your river again.”
“You only ever have to tell me a thing one time and it sticks.” He tapped his temple. “I keep track of all your words right there.”
“I can’t be getting notions of dying when you’re looking like that.”
You’re in my mind all the time, Shannon. My heart, too. You did something to me all those months ago. I think you broke me, because I’ve not been right since. When we’re apart like this, I feel unsteady, like I’m balancing a weight on my shoulders and my reward for not dropping it is seeing your face again.
“Shannon like the river,” Johnny’s familiar voice purred down the line, setting my pulse racing. “How’s my girl?”