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From her, Joey was receiving a form of love he’d been denied his whole life. And
that girl jumped, he would jump right along with her.
Shannon with the lonesome eyes. A lifetime of striving to be the best. The fear of not being good enough. And the constant, sinking feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.
This girl is different, my stupid fucking brain chanted. This one is for keeps.
I just wanted her. You could love this girl your whole life, the crazy thought persisted inside my brain over and over, if you just let yourself.
Straight to your house because I wanna fuck your sister, I thought to myself. I smirked at the fabulous notion, and then hunted the crazy thought away with a shake of my head.
Probably love her, too, I mused to myself, a fucking lot, before pushing that madness out as well.
“Ah, yeah, little Shannon from third year.” Grinning, he nudged me in the ribs. “Johnny here has a fierce soft spot for your sister.” “Is that right?” Joey replied tightly. Oh fuck.
“Because I fucked her—” “You what?” Joey roared, slamming on the brakes.
“Over!” I hurried to explain, dragging myself back onto the seat. “I fucked her over on her first day. Embarrassed her on the pitch when I knocked her
out.” But I want to fuck her… I want in your sister so bad you wouldn’t believe it… The things I imagine doing to her would shock you…
The first: finding an ice pack for my balls. The second: fantasizing about all the terribly inappropriate things I longed to do with his sister.
“She must’ve gotten up at the crack of dawn to do this.” He opened the fridge, revealing a heaving stack of groceries slotted inside. “It must’ve cost her a fortune.”
“Your girlfriend allotted your money into daily budget packets.” Joey gaped at me. “What?”
“Believe me, I’ve had more than enough of playing daddy to another man’s kids to last me a lifetime,”
“Johnny’s position is outside center in rugby,” he explained. “He’s number thirteen.”
“Shannon, what happened to your face?” “Oh, that?” Laughing nervously, I tucked my hair behind my ear.
“Yeah, that,” Johnny bit out, glaring at my cheek. “Who did that to you?”
“You expect me to believe that?” Johnny stunned me by saying. I frowned up at him. That was a good line. It was a believable line. Why wasn’t he taking
He arched a brow. “You’re honestly trying to tell me that you gave yourself a black eye?”
Gibs?
Lynchy? Kavs?
“Fuck off the pair of you and leave her alone,” Johnny piped up, sounding aggravated. “She doesn’t smell bad at all.” “You don’t smell it because you’re immune,” Gibsie retorted. Turning to Joey, he said, “He lets the mutt sleep on his bed every night.”
“Thanks, Johnny,” I whispered before hurrying into his bathroom with a raging case of hormones and a hammering heart. “You’re welcome, Shannon,” I heard him say just before I clicked the door shut. Oh Jesus. What the hell was happening?
What are you doing? What the hell are you doing? Johnny’s penis has touched these things. And now your vagina has. You’re practically having sex with him!
Impending doom, I acknowledged. That’s what I was tasting and feeling right now. My father was back.
“I’m going to hug you,” Johnny whispered in my ear. “Tell me if that’s not okay.”
“I’m here for you,” he told me, voice gruff and thick as his hand moved in slow circles over my back. “If you need someone to talk to”—he pulled me closer—“I’m right here.”
Unable to get a handle on myself, and desperately seeking the comfort and safety that oozed from him in waves, I did something incredibly reckless.
crawled onto his lap. Johnny’s entire frame tensed, and his hands fell away from my body, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. With my knees on either side of his thighs, I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. “What do you want me to do, Shannon?” Johnny strangled out. “Tell me what to do here.” “Hold me,” I sobbed, burying my face in his neck. “Don’t let go.”
couldn’t live like this. I was so alone. All my life. I was so scared.
“It’s your birthday?”
“Because it isn’t a big deal,” I hurried to dismiss. “It’s just another day.” A bad day. A terrible day.
“No, Shannon,” Johnny argued, looking like he was at a complete loss. “It is a big deal.”
“You never know,” he said with a smirk. “I might take you with me so you can cheer me on in the stands.” Please do. Please take me away with you. “You’re very sure of yourself,” I said instead. “You can wear my number and shout, ‘Johnny, Johnny,’ from the stands.” He chuckled before settling back down to watch the game. Don’t tempt me…
closed my eyes, allowing myself to drift off to sleep without an ounce of fear in my heart because it couldn’t exist inside of me, not when this boy had his arm around me.
Stay. Stay with me, Shannon. I can keep you safe…
“You’re not coming back, are you?”
can’t,” he whispered as a tear rolled down his cheek. “If I go back inside that house, I’ll kill them both.”
“Goodbye, Joey,” I whispered numbly, and then I climbed out and walked inside.
She looked right through all the bullshit. Seeing me. Seeing only me. And that made me want to move some shit around and place her slap-bang in the middle of my world.
That’s right, I was a sixteen-year-old girl who had never even kissed a boy, but to my father, I was a tramp.
“Mr. Sex on Legs himself.”
“I can’t begin to imagine what it feels like to be under so much pressure,” I whispered, my thoughts immediately rushing back to that night in his car. No wonder he reacted so badly.
“Operation Binding Thirteen,
“Binding Thirteen,”
“The fifth- and sixth-year girls had this stupid competition going last year to see who could get with Johnny,” Claire grumbled. “They called it Operation Binding Thirteen because they’re completely sad and unoriginal.”
“Johnny’s jersey number is thirteen,” Claire explained, looking thoroughly disgusted. “And binding is a rugby reference for engaging in a scrum—although I’m pretty sure those girls meant engaging with Johnny in a whole different position.”
If I had a safe place to fall, I would hurl myself toward it. That’s what Aoife was to my brother. Joey had Aoife and I had no one.
Say no, Shannon. Tell her that you do mind. If he finds out, he’ll kill you. You know this is wrong. This boy is not safe for you…
