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“Are you warm enough? Should I get you a blanket or something?” “I’m…” She paused and glanced down at her knees. Releasing a small sigh, she looked back to my face and said, “I’m actually hot.” “Completely fucking accurate assessment.” The highly inappropriate response was out of my mouth before I had a chance to filter myself. I quickly followed it up by touching her forehead, my pathetic attempt at checking her temperature, and then nodding solemnly. “You’re definitely warm.” “I told you.” Her big eyes were wide and locked on mine. “I’m really, really hot.” God.
Pregnant women made me nervous, but not nearly as much as Shannon like the river did.
“They’re girls, McGarry, not Pokémon cards.”
“Fuck you,” Ronan strangled out, spluttering and wheezing. “You can’t tell me what to do,” he rasped, breathless. “You’re not my father!” This fucker. He was determined to defy me even when he couldn’t win. “I’m your daddy on the field, bitch.”
The pain I was so sure I’d seen in her eyes. It was real, it was there, I recognized it, and now I could do something about it. I could prevent anything like this from happening again. It wouldn’t happen again. Not on my goddamn watch.
Also, I wasn’t attached to him. I simply enjoyed admiring him. From a safe distance. When he wasn’t looking. Yeah, that wasn’t unhealthy at all.
Claire was obsessed with Johnny Depp. He was her wallpaper on her phone, and his face was plastered all over her bedroom walls. “I love him,” she announced with a dreamy sigh. “I do. It’s real, hard-core love, and one day he’ll come to Ireland, see me, and instantly reciprocate my feelings. And then we’ll run away together and create adorable hybrid pirate babies.” “That sounds like a plan,” I snickered. “Although, you do realize he’s not an actual pirate, don’t you?” “Shh!” Claire chuckled. “Don’t take that away from me. Let me enjoy the visual.”
“I expect to see pom-poms and the words I heart Gibsie in neon letters across your tits next week at the School Boy Shield final,” was all I managed to catch Gibsie saying before he waved us off and jogged away.
Shannon Lynch had eyes the color of midnight blue that wouldn’t stay the fuck out of my head. At least that’s the closest comparison I could find on the countless internet searches I had performed.
The minute I laid eyes on her, something had hit me hard in the chest. Something unfamiliar and disconcerting. Over a month had passed and I was still reeling. We were into February and I was still silently obsessing over Shannon like the river.
“Why me?” I groaned. “Because we’re your babies,” Hughie announced, leaning his weight on me. “My babies?” I slurred. “How the fuck are you three anyone’s babies?” “You’re our captain,” Hughie slurred. “We’re kind of your responsibility.”
“Did you ever talk to Shannon Lynch after that day on the pitch?” I turned my bleary gaze on him, too drunk to mask my curiosity. “My Shannon?” Hughie laughed. “She’s your Shannon now?”
God, I loved this dog. She was my baby. I didn’t care what the lads said or how badly they slagged me off over her name. Sookie was my girl, loyal to a fault, and I loved the shite out of her. It was a good thing she couldn’t talk, because the old girl knew more about my shit than anyone else on this planet. Those big brown doe eyes always got to me, and the little white beard around her mouth always pulled at my heartstrings. I didn’t understand how people could hurt any animals, but especially dogs. They were too good for us. Humans didn’t deserve the love and loyalty dogs gave them.
I was a dog lover. I trusted them. There was something about the way a dog looked at you; they didn’t care if you were a famous rugby player or a homeless person on the streets. They only cared about how you treated them, and once they chose you as their human, you had a faithful friend for the rest of their lives. I didn’t think humans were capable of such compassion and commitment.
I’d never felt so strongly about something.
Loaded with bitter regrets and burning anger, I rounded the corner of the main building feeling like I was two seconds away from breaking something. Unfortunately for me, that something turned out to be a girl. Not just any girl. Shannon.
“I promise.” That word. God. That one word broke me. It was all too much. My life. Those girls. My father. And in the middle of it all, I could only see him. This boy.
“Uh, here’s your stuff,” she said, gently placing my keys and wallet on my left thigh. My good thigh, I realized. Shit, this girl was too much.
protect you, Shannon like the river.” He held my hand. Johnny Kavanagh actually put my hand in his. I didn’t know what to make of it. I begged my poor fickle heart to not read too much into his actions. To not get my hopes up. Hope was dangerous to a person like me. I couldn’t afford it.
that good for you?” “Yeah, Shan.” Offering me a small smile, he reached for his bottle of water and took a swig. “You’re good for me.” “Huh?” “It,” he correctly gruffly, and then roughly cleared his throat. “It’s good for me.”
“Oh my god,” I hissed, distracted, when a familiar face strolled into the cinema, trailing after a blond bombshell. “That’s my brother.” “Your brother?” Johnny’s voice took on a higher octave. “Ah shite.”
Ok this is when she is preggers
“I am too fucking busy for a girlfriend, Gibsie. You know this.” “Even little Shannon?” he tossed out with a grin. My heart leaped in my chest at the sound of her name. Christ…
“You’re looking well tonight, Katie,” I told her, because it was the truth and she was insecure. I knew this tidbit of information because her boyfriend often confided in me about their relationship. I probably knew far more about their relationship than Katie would be comfortable with, but I’d take those details to the grave. Katie smiled shyly and snuggled closer into Hughie’s side. “Thanks.” Hughie shot me a grateful look. He didn’t need to thank me for shit. His girlfriend was beautiful.
Propping himself on the stool in front of me, Gibs thankfully blocked my view. “I’m prettier to look at,” he announced with a wink and then proceeded to toss back shots like it was going out of fashion. I could always depend on this fucker. Hail, rain, or snow, Gibsie had my back. That was a comforting notion.
Hughie nodded and turned his attention to Gibsie. “Let’s go, Rocky Balboa,” he said brightly. “Before you get us all thrown in the barrack for the night.” “He asked for it,” Gibsie slurred. “Piece of shit.” “I know, lad,” Hughie coaxed. “Come on.” Wrapping his body around Gibsie’s, he forcefully walked him backwards out of the bar.
After accidentally dialing the contact Casual Sex and hearing Coach Mulcahy’s voice on the other line, I quickly hung up. Canceling another incoming call from King Clit, because who in their right mind would answer a number listed as that, I switched off my phone and shoved it back in my pocket.
“Did you get me something?” “Yeah, I got you a burger.” “Thanks, Johnny.” “And then I got hungry so I ate it.” “You’re a monster.”
“She’s a keeper.” “Yeah,” Joey muttered, scratching his jaw. “She must really love me.” “Uh, you think?” I rolled my eyes. “She adores you.” “But I don’t get why she would do this for me.” “Me either,” I teased. “Especially when you look so much like Shrek.”
“Fucking private-school boys,” he muttered under his breath. “Used to having everything done for ye.” “Shit, Kav,” Gibsie snickered, taking a step back from the stove. “I was wrong. This fucker right here is the daddy.”
“Listen, Kavanagh,” he finally said. “If you want to know what goes on inside of that head of hers, then be worth it.” “Be worth it?” I frowned at his words. “Be worth what?” “You’re a smart guy,” he shot back. “You’ll figure it out.”
“Can you do that, Johnny Kavanagh? Can you look after my sister for me?” “Yes,” I bit out, not liking his tone but knowing he must be feeling some kind of grief. “I can.”
It took me a ridiculous amount of time to get the temperature right in Johnny’s shower, because apparently, he liked to incinerate his skin when showering.
In this moment, I was acutely aware of our social differences. His mother was a fashion designer, for god’s sake. Mine was a cleaner. His father was a barrister. Mine spent plenty of time in court, too—on the other side of the law. His house reeked of money and luxury. Mine reeked of whiskey and pain.
“Hey, baby,” Johnny cooed. “You scared the shite out of my friend here.” Baby? Slowly, I lifted my head and turned to face the bed. A black Labrador poked out from beneath Johnny’s duvet. A tsunami of relief crashed through me followed swiftly by a generous dollop of reality.
“Shannon, this is Sookie,” Johnny said. “Your ghost.”
“What do you want me to do, Shannon?” Johnny strangled out. “Tell me what to do here.” “Hold me,” I sobbed, burying my face in his neck. “Don’t let go.” “Okay.” One of his large hands cupped the back of my head and the other moved to my back as he held me to his chest, slowly rocking me on his lap. “I won’t,” he whispered, folding me up in his arms. Trembling, I clung to his body and prayed for him to be my strength in this moment because I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t live like this. I was so alone. All my life. I was so scared.
I had to fight the smile threatening to break free when Johnny stopped at the top of the staircase to scoop up Sookie and then proceeded to carry the huge, eighty-pound-minimum Labrador down the stairs like she was a baby cradled in his arms.
“It’s your birthday?” I shrugged. “Why didn’t you say anything?” “I don’t know.” I shrugged again. “Slipped my mind?” “Shannon, come on.” “Because it isn’t a big deal,” I hurried to dismiss. “It’s just another day.” A bad day. A terrible day. Brightened only because I’m with you…
“I’m going to be there one day,” Johnny stated, tilting his head in the direction of the telly. “One of these days that’s going to be me, Shannon.” “I know,” I replied, believing every word. Biting down on my lip, I turned to face him and said, “Don’t forget about me when you’re a rich and famous rugby player.” “You never know,” he said with a smirk. “I might take you with me so you can cheer me on in the stands.”
In this moment, being here with him was as easy as breathing. It was an odd reaction to being in such close proximity to Johnny, but there it was. I was enjoying being with him. He didn’t push me to talk and I liked that. He just sat beside me, with a huge cushion between us and Sookie at our feet as he barked orders at the television set.
A little while later, when my eyes began to droop, he lifted his arm, and I didn’t even flinch when it came down around my shoulder. Instead, I nestled my cheek against his side and closed my eyes, allowing myself to drift off to sleep without an ounce of fear in my heart because it couldn’t exist inside of me, not when this boy had his arm around me.
Today was Shannon’s sixteenth birthday. And she was spending it with me. I was glad. How crazy was that?
There was something very fucked up about her life. Something that made me want to snatch her away and take her with me, wherever that may be.
I wanted to smash that fucking shell and the bastards responsible for making her hide there in the first place. She was lovely. Fucking lovely. She didn’t need to be hiding any of her shine behind those bleeding shutters.
I didn’t even try to stop myself from stroking her hair. I was beyond help when it came to her. I was beyond fucking stopping. Everything inside of me was shifting, honing in on this tiny girl.
Stay. Stay with me, Shannon. I can keep you safe…
“I can’t be there, Shan,” he finally said, face awash with guilt. “I can’t live like this anymore.” “I know,” I breathed, feeling faint hearing those words come out of his mouth. I’d heard those words before. From Darren.
Go back. Turn the car around and go back to him. Go back to Johnny. Tell him. Tell him and let him help you. He told you he would.
She was like a tornado I never saw coming. The one problem I didn’t foresee when making my plans. The one person who could fracture all my hard work. And the most nerve-racking thing about it all was that I liked it. I liked the fact that she was turning my life on its axis and encouraging never-seen-before notions and feelings inside of me, and then I hated that I liked it. I was thoroughly addicted to every single thing about the girl and it had nothing to do with the physical—and the physical was pretty fucking perfect.
“Right, tell me about your problem.” I exhaled a heavy sigh. “I like her.” “Okaaay,” he drawled. “Tell me what the problem is.”
