Binding 13 (Boys of Tommen, #1)

by Chloe Walsh

However, my day took a predominant turn for the worst when a girl from sixth year pulled me aside in the hallway and uttered the words every teenage girl on the face of the planet dreaded hearing at school. “Excuse me, hun, but I think you’re leaking.” Because I was me, it took my brain several seconds to comprehend what she was saying, and several more before I gathered her meaning. The minute I did, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

“Whoa, shit,” a familiar voice grunted. “Sorry about that.” Two large hands wrapped around my arms and pulled me up. “I didn’t see you there, little Shannon,” Gibsie chuckled as he set me on my feet. “Are you okay?” I had done enough stalking to know that wherever Gerard Gibson was, Johnny Kavanagh was never far behind, and vice versa. That was a worrying concept considering the war that had been just declared on me. I nodded once and tried to sidestep him. Problem was, Gibsie intercepted my move and blocked my path. “Hey,” he coaxed, tone suddenly serious. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you or something?” “I’m f-fine,” I sniffled, desperately trying to keep my sobs at bay. It didn’t work. The minute he crouched down and made eye contact with me, a huge sob racked my body. “Shit,” he muttered, looking around nervously. “I did hurt you.” “N-no, you d-didn’t. I just n-need to g-go h-home,” I spluttered, crying like a baby right in front of him. “Right n-now.” It was all too much for me. The blood. The threats. The panic. It was too much and I was freaking out. “Should I hug you?” I shook my head. “Should I take you home?” I shrugged helplessly. “Right now?” I sniffled in response. “Yeah, uh, okay,” Gibsie replied, tone laced with confusion. “I’ll take you home now.” “Shannon?” The sound of my name being called out, followed a few moments later by Johnny coming to stand beside Gibsie, only confirmed my theory about the pair traveling in a pack. “What’s wrong?” Johnny demanded, eye...

He was big and strong and intimidatingly beautiful. I felt very small around him. Very young. Very uncertain. Very rejected. I was intimidated, but not because he was scary. He wasn’t, or at least I didn’t find him scary. I’m sure he terrified the guys he played, but that’s not what was happening here. Not for me.

Shannon was in my car again. So much for not bulldozing. They might as well slap a CAT sticker on my forehead and switch on my hazards, I seemed to do so much of it around this girl.

Whatever she needed from me, I was more than willing to provide. That was a sobering thought. Jesus Christ, I’d opened myself up to danger with this girl.

She pulled her long brown hair out from the collar of my hoodie and draped it over her shoulder. “Thanks again,” she added shyly. “I promise I’ll give this one back to you.” “No problem.” Clenching my jaw, I forced myself to keep my eyes on the road and not on the way her skirt was hidden beneath the hem of my hoodie and how high said hoodie rode up her bare thighs when she was sitting. “Keep it.” “Sorry?” “The hoodie.” Clearing my throat, I tightened my hand on the wheel to keep myself from doing something reckless. “Hang on to it.” “Why?” I could feel her blue eyes on me—I knew that sounded thick, but I could—and the sensation caused my arms to break out in goose bumps. I shrugged. “Because it looks good on you.” Johnny, you bleeding eejit! “Are you feeling better?” I hurried to ask—and distract her. “Did the ibuprofen help?” I glanced over at her and bit back a groan. She was so fucking beautiful it was painful, with those big blue eyes staring back at me all innocent and full of uncertainty. I didn’t need the temptation that came with being this close to her. Problem was, every time she ran, I found myself chasing right after her, desperate to just be with her

“I like a lot of stuff,” I told her. You, most of all. “Shake it off, baby?” My brows shot up. “Excuse me?” “‘Shake It Off, Baby.’” Shannon stared back at me, all innocent and cute. “Do you like it?” It took me a few seconds to realize she wasn’t calling me baby and that she was referring to a song. “You mean ‘Twist and Shout,’” I corrected gruffly. “Yeah, that’s a good one.” “Do you like Reckless Kelly?” she asked then. I shook my head. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of them.” “They have this new song out called ‘Wicked Twisted Road,’” she explained. “Are you sure you haven’t heard it?” My heart stopped in my chest. That song from the pub. The one that fucked with my head. Jesus… “You should,” Shannon continued to say. “Listen to it, I mean.” Her cheeks turned pink when she said, “It reminds me of you.” Rattled. I was thoroughly fucking rattled by this girl. Partly because I had related to the words of that song, but mostly because she related the words of the song to me

“Well, thanks for saving me,” she whispered. Her eyes darted from my eyes to my mouth several times before she leaned over and pressed her lips to my cheek. “Again.” It was the smallest, briefest, least sexy peck, but it had come from her lips and that changed everything. Just like last night had changed everything. It deepened everything I had been desperately trying to deny. The signs I had been hiding from. They shot up like neon posters on the sides of buildings. I was so fucking thrown off-kilter by this girl. Stunned, I could do nothing but stare at her and mutter the words, “You’re welcome.” With glowing red cheeks, Shannon pushed the car door open and moved to climb out. “Wait!” I regrettably called out, snaking a hand out and catching her wrist. Shannon looked at me with wide eyes. Let her go, asshole. Let the girl go. You can’t do right by her. “Here—” Reaching into the glove compartment, I pulled out a leather case and quickly flicked through a bunch of mix CDs, stopping when I found the one I wanted, “Listen to track nine.” I practically shoved the CD into her hand and shrugged. “Reminds me of you.” “Oh, okay,” she replied, holding the CD carefully. “I will.” “Good.” “Thank you.” “You’re welcome.” “Bye, Johnny,” she whispered before quickly closing the door and hurrying away. “Bye, Shannon,” I replied gruffly, watching her every move as she walked away from me. Trouble. I was in so much fucking trouble.

I waited until Shannon had turned around before slapping the heel of my hand against my forehead. I was so fucking stupid. This was worse than coming inside. This was wrong. I knew it was.

I’d missed yesterday’s session and two more a couple of weeks back. Because of her. Because when she jumped, I flew clean off the ledge after her.

She was still sitting cross-legged and facing me, but she was leaning forward, working hard on a sum, which caused the string top she was wearing to droop, giving me a glorious view of her braless tits. Sweet Jesus Christ. I loved tits. And tits that belonged to this girl were even more appealing. They were small and perky with rosy-tipped, pebbled nipples. She was just so fucking beautiful. I was instantly hard. “Are you okay?” Shannon asked, placing her small hand on my forearm. “Huh?” I snapped my gaze to her face, totally fucking busted. “Are you okay?” she repeated, blue eyes locked on mine, expression innocent. I was about the furthest a person could get from okay. But for her sake, I forced a small nod and said, “Yeah, I’m just getting a bit hungry.” What the actual fuck, Johnny? “Can I get you something?” she quickly asked. “What would you like to eat?” You. I would like to eat you, Shannon.

Stop this, Johnny. Stop this now! I tried.

“Maybe in the library next time,” I finally found the words to say. “Or school.” Her small heart-shaped face nodded up and down. “Okay.” “Because I shouldn’t be here,” I added weakly. “In your room.” “I know,” she replied, voice small and uncertain. “It’s, uh…” I swallowed deeply. “I should probably go home now.” “Johnny?” she whispered. “Yeah?” “Hi,” she breathed, edging closer. “Hi,” I croaked out, fisting her duvet so tightly I was fairly sure I was going to rip the fabric. “Johnny?” Shannon whispered again. “Yeah?” “I’m going to hug you now.” She hitched her leg over mine. “Is that okay?” Don’t do it. You’ll never get over this girl. “Yeah.” I exhaled a ragged breath, feeling my heart smash against my rib cage, as she hovered above me. “That’s okay.” “Thanks for today,” she whispered in my ear as she straddled me. “You’re welcome,” I replied gruffly, clinging to my self-restraint for all I was worth. Don’t put your hands on her. Too fucking late. My hands moved of their own accord, shooting out to clamp her hips. The sensation of having her on top of me was too much. It was all too fucking much. “I should go,” I groaned as I dragged her on my lap, unable to stop myself from thrusting upward. Fuck the pain in my groin. I was on fire for this girl. Shannon wrapped her arms around my shoulders and gingerly rocked her hips on top of me in the best, most fucked-up hug I’d ever received. “I don’t want you to go,” she moaned. She actually fucking moaned in my ear. Groaning, I...

It wasn’t like me to leave stuff lying around the place, but my head was in the clouds. Cloud Johnny, to be precise. I knew I had played a dangerous game of Russian roulette by taking him up to my bedroom this afternoon. If my father had come home, he would have killed me. The problem was, if the opportunity presented itself, I knew I would do it again. Having him in my space like that, even just for a little while, was wonderful. It was personal. And I felt safe. Like nothing could touch me when he was close. In a messed-up way, I think I did it on purpose? Like I half hoped my father would come home just so he could see the huge boy who I knew wouldn’t let him hurt me. That was a crazy thought. I was being crazy. Thinking about Johnny sitting on my bed, offering to tutor me, made my heart thump against my rib cage.

After he left, I spent the rest of the evening in emotional overload, thinking about how reckless I had behaved. I had no idea what I was thinking when I climbed onto his lap like that, but I didn’t care because Johnny hugged me back. He held me to his body and hugged me so tight that I was still trembling from the contact. And then he kissed me goodbye. Granted, it was on the cheek, but still. His lips had touched my body without coercion.

In a matter of months, I’d lost my head to a fucking girl. And my heart? Fuck me, the piece of stone worked after all and had thrown me a curveball by attaching itself to a scrawny little third year with brown pigtails and blue eyes that fucking scorched my soul. I needed to be really fucking careful with my next move, because once I decided that she was the girl for me, that would be that. Once I committed myself, once my heart laid claim on her, I might as well slap a label on my forehead stating, I’m yours. Please be gentle with me because I’m here to stay.

“By the way?” Gibsie mused, distracting me once more. “You bulldozed again.” I turned to glare at him. “I did not.” “Yeah, lad, you did,” he chuckled. “I tried to stop you, after your ‘Save me, Gibsie, please save me from myself’ spiel the other week, and you went right ahead and bulldozed in like a freight train.” “Well, what the hell was I supposed to do?” I bit out, tossing my pen away. “Just stand back and do nothing while Bella called her a slut in front of half the bleeding school because of me?” “Bella called Shannon a slut?” Gibsie scoffed, fluffing a pillow. “She’s one to talk.” “I know,” I grumbled. “That’s what I said.” “So, you disappeared out of school with Shannon and didn’t come back after lunch,” he added, arching a brow. “Did you put her in your car again?” “Maybe,” I bit out. “Did you do anything besides drop her home?” “Like what?” “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Invite yourself in for tea or some typical Johnny stunt like that?” I dropped my head. “Bulldozing.” Gibsie laughed. “Shut up,” I muttered, pushing away from my desk. I was done for the night. Whatever concentration I had was long gone now. “That’s an A-minus right there,” I told him, gesturing to his neatly written five-page essay. “Be fucking thankful.” “I am thankful,” he assured me with a beaming smile before saying, “and I think you need to revisit the friend notion. I told you this morning, and I’m telling you again that it will never work.” “Nope.” I shook my head. “You’re wrong. I can do t...

“His head’s not shaped like a rugby ball,” Gibsie scoffed. “You said that about my head, too.” “Not now, Gerard,”

“She’s going to apologize to you publicly,” he told me. “She’s going to set everyone straight, publicly!” He glanced around the room before adding, “And I’m going to straighten out every other piece of shit that went along with her lies, publicly!” “No.” My eyes widened in horror. “It’s okay. I don’t want an apology.” He exhaled a frustrated breath. “It’s not okay, Shannon—” “I am not going over there,” I repeated, trembling at the thought. “I don’t want to.” “Fine,” Johnny growled, stepping around me. He kicked a chair out of his way, causing Pierce and Lizzie to part out of his way like the Red Sea before rounding the table. “I’ll sort it myself.” “No—” Hurrying after him, I caught the sleeve of his jumper and dug my heels in. “Please don’t.” Johnny dragged me along for about five feet before finally halting. “Then what do you want me to do?” he demanded, swinging around to face me. “Nothing!” I spluttered, still clutching his sleeve. “Absolutely nothing.” “I can’t do nothing.” He ran his free hand through his hair, clearly agitated. “They’re talking about you.” “It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head, ignoring the stares I knew I was receiving, and tugged on his sleeve. “I don’t care.” Johnny stared hard at me for a long moment before shaking his head. “Yeah, well I do,” he finally said. “I fucking care!” “Why don’t we all fuck off out of here for the rest of the day?” Gibsie interjected as he practically fell out of his chair in his attempt to intercept Johnny. “Take a br...

“They’re probably going somewhere so she can suck his cock,” a horribly familiar voice called out loudly enough to once again garner everyone’s attention. “You know about those ones from Elk’s Terrace. They’re up for anything.” “Oh, hell fucking no,” Johnny snarled as he broke free of Gibsie and stormed past all of us. “This is getting sorted now,” he roared as he rounded the table and stalked toward Bella. “For fuck’s sake,” Hughie groaned. “You just can’t fucking help yourself, can you?” Johnny roared, pointing a finger in Bella’s face. “I didn’t do anything,” Bella laughed. “Except state the truth.” “The truth?” Johnny hissed, clearly livid. “You wouldn’t know the truth if it smacked you across the face.” I had no idea what part of my body my sudden bravery erupted from, but it came hard and fast and propelled my legs toward him. “Johnny, don’t,” I strangled out as I chased after him. For once in my life, I was glad to be tiny. It allowed me to slide into the tiny space between Johnny and the table he was leaning over. “Johnny,” I breathed, pressing hard on his chest. “Walk away.” He didn’t look at me. “Johnny,” I repeated, reaching up and touching his face. He snapped his furious gaze on me. “Walk away,” I commanded, staring up at him with my heart in my mouth. “Please.” A vein ticked in Johnny’s temple as he stared down at me, looking more enraged than I’d ever seen him. I didn’t dare breathe while I watched him make his choice. Finally, he released a furious growl an...

“Fuck the Academy,” I snarled, shaking their hands off. “I was trying to defend her.” “Well, all you ended up doing was embarrassing the girl,” Hughie barked. “Congratulations, Cap. Like she doesn’t have enough shit to deal with. You just single-handedly made her the target of every one of your little fangirls.” Furious, I ran a hand through my hair to stop myself from swinging a punch at one of my buddies. “You heard what she said back there,” I hissed, feeling my body vibrate with rage. “What did you expect me to do?” “She didn’t want you to defend her, lad,” Gibsie added. “She told you that.” “Well, she was wrong,” I spat out. “Well, now she’s gone,” Gibsie told me. “So calm your tits.” She was gone?

“If some bitch talked about Claire like that, I would have blown ten head gaskets.”

“Binding thirteen,” Gibsie snickered as he tore off way too fucking fast for comfort. “Little Shannon blew that shit clean out of the water.” “Slow your ass down,” I barked, resisting the urge to snatch the wheel. “And what the hell does ‘binding thirteen’ mean?” “You don’t know about that?” I shook my head. “Obviously not since I’m asking you.” “That’s what they say, lad,” Gibsie explained. “Who?” I demanded as I grabbed ahold of the Oh Jesus handle and threw a few Hail Marys to the man upstairs. Don’t let this fucker kill me. “The girls at school,” Gibsie chuckled, pulling onto the main road without checking both ways and narrowly avoiding a milk van. “That’s what they say about you.” Oh, Jesus. I was going to die in this car. He was going to take my bleeding life. Sheepishly saluting the milkman who was shaking his fist at us, I turned to glare at Gibsie. “They call me ‘binding thirteen’?” I shook my head. “Why? I don’t get it.” “It’s not what they call you,” he corrected. “It’s what they want to do with you.” “What?” “You’re number thirteen.” He laughed. “And they want to bind with you.” He turned to waggle his brows at me. “Scrum style.” “That is…so fucking creepy,” I grumbled, shuddering. “Put your eyes on the road!” “One hundred percent,” Gibsie laughed, turning his attention back to the windscreen. “Claire told me about it last year. Said she overheard a bunch of sixth years talking about something called ‘Operation Binding Thirteen’ in the bathroom.” “Jesus Christ...

Johnny had headphones on, and the music blasting from them was so loud I could clearly make out the sound of Jay-Z singing about having ninety-nine problems. I hear you, Jay-Z…

Christ, I needed to get the doctors to scan my brain as well as my balls because there was something loose rattling around up there.

She was worth it all.

“Do you mind?” I asked then. He smirked. “No, baby, I don’t mind.” My heart stopped in my chest. Johnny’s face flushed and he shook his head. “I mean—” “It’s okay,” I whispered. “It’s fine.” He looked at me with a pained expression and then exhaled heavily. Shaking his head, he tucked his lunch box back into his bag and rubbed his forehead.

I love you, I almost blurted out, holding the three terrifying words back just in time. Oh my god! Where did that come from? I didn’t love Johnny. I didn’t even know him. Not well, at least. And sure, the parts I knew about him were good parts, decent parts, beautiful parts, but that in no way meant I felt anything deeper for Johnny than obvious physical attraction and a teenage crush. It was ridiculous. I was ridiculous. Stop lying to yourself, my brain hissed. You love him with every piece of your fractured heart…

“I’d sit with you, though.” My heart leaped in my chest. “You would?” He grinned. “You’re so tiny you don’t count.” I huffed out a breath. “I still count.” “You know what I mean.” he laughed quietly. “There’s no fighting for leg room.” He looked down at my feet, smile still firmly attached, and teased, “Are your feet even touching the floor?” “Of course,” I confirmed, then quickly felt for the ground with my toes to see if I was right. “See?” I tossed back, happy to discover that I was, in fact, right. Granted, my toes barely touched the floor, but there was definite tiptoe contact happening. “Ha-ha.” “Ha-ha?” Johnny threw his head back and laughed. “Are you four years old?” “Says the guy ribbing me over my height,” I replied, giving him my best indignant glare. “I’m only stating facts,” he replied innocently. An impish grin spread across his face before he added, “I was half expecting you to bring a booster seat on the bus.” Against my better judgment, I cracked a smile at his remark. There was something about his tone that assured me this wasn’t vindictive behavior. Johnny was being playful. It was strange, unexpected, and surprisingly welcome. “I decided to leave it at home,” I impressed myself by retorting. “Thank god I did, because there’s barely enough room in here with your ego.” “Shannon Lynch has banter.” Johnny leaned back, both sounding and looking reluctantly impressed. “Who’d have guessed?” “Well, obviously not you.” I smiled sweetly at him, ignoring the flutt...

“I reckon I can make those pretty cheeks of yours turn pink.” I turned scarlet. “Wh-what?” “Too easy,” he laughed, thoroughly delighted with himself.

In neat capital letters were the words: SHANNON LIKE THE RIVER. WILL YOU PLEASE BE MY FRIEND? Two hand-drawn boxes were sketched below the writing. One box had a yes over it, and the other had a no. The yes box had a smiley face. The no box had a sad face. At the bottom of the page were the words: SIGNED BY alongside a slightly crooked line with his signature scrawled across it. Beneath the line with Johnny’s name was an empty line for my name and he had dated the note January 10, 2005, my first day at Tommen. A side note stating: PS: SHANNON PROMISES NOT TO SUE JOHNNY WHEN HE’S SIGNED FOR THE PROS FOR ANY INJURIES HE MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE CAUSED HER ON THE DATE MENTIONED ABOVE. THIS IS A VALID DISCLAIMER, I SHIT YOU NOT took up the last few lines of the page. It was ridiculous, adorable, and I couldn’t wipe the stupid smile off my face. “To be fair, I think we’ve been friends for a while,” Johnny offered with a boyish smile. “I’m just putting it down on paper so you can stop ducking and dodging me at school.” “I haven’t been avoiding you at school,” I denied quickly—too quickly. Johnny arched a brow and the look he gave me screamed bullshit. “Fine, I’ve been avoiding you at school.” I admitted, mortified.

“Exchanging love letters?” Gibsie taunted as he made his descent to the back of the bus. “How romantic!” “Go fuck yourself, Gibs,” Johnny shot back, sounding irritated as he folded up the note and shoved it in his pocket. “I’m not in the form for your shite today.” “Yeah, well, I’d tell you go fuck yourself right back, but I can see you already have that sorted,” Gibsie called back with a laugh. His comment received plenty of attention from other students, who decided to jump on the bandwagon and toss out suggestive comments. “See that, lads? They stayed on the bus when we were inside.” “He wasn’t hungry for what they had in the shop.” “Hup out that!” “Gowan, Johnny boy!” “Get in there, kid!” Anxious, I stretched up to flag Claire and Lizzie, praying one of them would switch seats with me, but quickly sank back in my seat when my eyes landed on Ronan McGarry two rows up on the opposite side of the bus. Another dozen rows up was Bella. Feeling trapped, I looked to Johnny, who had turned in his seat and was exchanging verbal insults with the lads in the back row behind us. “He scores on the pitch, he scores on the bus. How many tries did you hammer into her goal line, Johnny?” I flamed in embarrassment and dropped my head, quickly learning that spending any amount of time with Johnny meant being on the receiving end of a lot of attention. Unwanted attention. I didn’t quite catch what was said next, but Johnny leaped out of his seat and stalked to the back of the bus, so I pr...

Johnny released a frustrated growl. Seconds later, I felt his hand on my neck as he leaned over my seat and pulled my body sideways to face him. Stunned, I could do nothing but stare up at him. “Wh-what are you doing?” Johnny’s eyes were wild and heated, panicked and interested, as they flickered from my eyes to my lips. For the briefest of moments, I thought he was about to kiss me. But he didn’t. Of course, he didn’t. Instead, he released a ragged breath, cupped the side of my neck, bringing me closer, and touched his cheek to mine. Pressing his lips to my ear, in a voice barely more than a whisper, he said, “I’m scared, Shannon.” “Scared?” I felt him nod, his stubbly cheek rubbing against mine. “Of what?” “You.” “Me?” My heart flipped in my chest. “Why?” “What I told you that night?” he whispered, gently clutching the side of my neck with his huge hand. “All that shite about my surgery and how much pain I’m in? I’m furious with myself for losing my head and telling you something that can be used against me. I gave you power over me and now I’m fucking panicking, okay? I lost my cool with you in the car because you struck a nerve. Because you called me out on my bullshit. Because you were right.” “I was?” He nodded and the movement caused his cheek to rub against mine. “I’m not thick,” he continued to whisper. “I know what I’m risking by playing, but I have everything riding on the next fifteen months—on my body holding out. It’s my career,” he told me, voice barely audi...

“Then why did you do it?” I asked, as a small shudder rolled down my spine. Leaning back so that I could look at his face, I asked, “Why did you tell me?” He looked so helpless as he shrugged. “I’ve been asking myself the same question for a long time, and I still don’t have an answer, Shannon,” he croaked out, tormented blue eyes locked on mine. “I don’t understand what’s happening between us.” I realized that I was witnessing a rare moment of vulnerability from Johnny, and my heart could barely take the pressure. Seeing him like this…so exposed and unguarded? It did something to me. Made me feel protective. Like I needed to nurture him or something, which was insane, because one look at the boy and it was obvious he didn’t need anyone’s protection. But I still felt it. I watched him watch me for the longest moment, soaking in his defeated expression and the way he looked down at me almost hopefully, like I had the answers to all his questions. I didn’t. The right thing to do would be to comfort him with words of assurance. I didn’t do that. Instead, I whispered my truth. “I don’t want you to play.” Throwing caution to the wind and moving on instinct, I tucked my legs beneath me, shifted closer, and pressed my lips to his ear. “Not today, and not tomorrow. I don’t want you to go out there and put yourself in harm’s way, Johnny. I don’t want you to get hurt. I want you to stop. I want you to rest your body. I want you to take care of yourself.” “Shannon—” “Let me finish,” ...

Well, I love you, Johnny Kavanagh! Even though you’re leaving. Even though you don’t feel the same. Even though loving you is going to break my heart. I love you with everything I have. And I probably always will.

“Well, that makes you one of very few.” I exhaled a shaky breath. “I was hated growing up, Johnny! Seriously hated. Nobody wanted to play with me. Nobody wanted me on their team in P.E., or to sit with me in class, and I was never invited to the other children’s birthday parties. I was constantly picked on. For my hair. For my size. My clothes. My secondhand schoolbooks. The car my family owned. The terrace I came from. For breathing. It didn’t matter what I did or how hard I tried to get along with the other children, they always found a fault in me.” I shook my head and sighed wearily. “I’ve had two friends my entire life. That’s it.” “Claire Biggs and Pierce O’Neill’s girlfriend?” Johnny asked, voice gravelly. “Lizzie Young,” I confirmed with a nod. “Yeah, they went to my...

“And this?” He trailed his fingers over my neck, blue eyes scorching me. “I need to know about this.” I shivered into his touch. “I told you.” “Don’t lie to me,” he coaxed. “Then don’t make me,” I pleaded, knowing that I was giving everything away to him—my heart, my secrets, my trust—and was unable to stop. “Please don’t push me.” “Shannon—” he started and then quickly stopped. He stared hard at me for a long moment before finally nodding. “For now.” I sagged in relief. “Thank you.” “But I’m going to find out,” he whispered. “Whether you tell me or not.” He stroked my cheek with his thumb. “I’ll find out and I’ll make them suffer.” My heart seized in my chest. I knew this. He wasn’t going to let it go. I could see it in his eyes that night in his bedroom. Johnny Kavanagh was hell-bent on exposing my secrets.

“She’s threatened by you,” he said gruffly. “Her reaction to you is based on jealousy.” “Threatened by me?” I shook my head. “Why?” “Because you’re beautiful,” he stated, causing my cheeks to flush a deep shade of pink. A boy had never called me beautiful before. Not like this. Not with such forwardness. Not with such sincerity. Johnny said it, though, and my heart was flapping around in my chest like a demented, caged bird fighting to escape. He cleared his throat then, looking slightly uncomfortable, and for a moment I thought he was about to take the compliment back, but then he steeled his features, tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, and whispered, “Inside and out.” Those extra words did the trick. Those extra words ruined me. I could feel my body tremble as I turned my gaze to his, locking eyes. “I am?” He nodded slowly. “Everywhere.” Oh god. My heart. I couldn’t handle this. I couldn’t cope with him

“It’s been you, hasn’t it?” I whispered. “You’re the reason no one gave me hassle over the pitch incident? You’ve been protecting me?” He stared warily at me but didn’t respond. “Come on, Johnny,” I sighed. “I’m not thick. I know you had something to do with it. I was half-naked in front of a field of boys. I threw up outside my locker, for god’s sakes. Gossip like that doesn’t just evaporate into thin air.” “I told you that day outside Twomey’s office that I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you,” he finally admitted. Yeah, he did. He promised. And he kept it… “Well, thanks for caring,” I breathed. “Thanks for being worth it,” Johnny replied, hand still on my cheek. Shivering from the contact, I leaned into his touch, seeking more. I was trying so hard to control myself, but it was virtually impossible to do when he had his hands on my body. I wanted to crawl onto his lap and I wanted to run far away from him all at once. It didn’t make sense to me. I was incredibly confused. My feelings were terrifying me. His words. His eyes. His actions. He was throwing me. I was losing myself.

“How are the lovebirds?” a familiar voice boomed close to my ear. Startled, I looked over Johnny’s shoulder to find a grinning Gibsie. “Hey, little Shannon,” Gibsie drawled with a mischievous wink. “Don’t mind me. I just need to borrow my buddy for a sec.” Oh god. Mortified, I quickly scrambled backwards, breaking the contact. Johnny muttered a string of unintelligible curse words under his breath before turning around. “This better be fucking important,” he snapped, shoulders tensed. “That depends,” Gibsie replied nonchalantly. “On what?” Johnny barked. “On whether or not you still want me to remind you of that thing you asked me to remind you about?” “Thing?” Johnny shook his head. “What thing? The fuck are you talking about?” “Lines and bulldozers, my friend,” Gibsie shot back with a meaningful look. I had no clue as to what Gibsie was referring to; however it was clear that Johnny did, because he exhaled a loud breath, expelling the word shite with it. “You’re welcome,” Gibsie replied, patting Johnny on the shoulder before making his way back to his seat. “What was that about?” I asked when we were relatively alone again. “Hmm?” Johnny replied, obviously distracted. He kept turning back to look at his friend. “Are you okay?” I whispered. “What? Yeah, yeah, I’m grand.” He cast a quick glance at me and then turned back to mouth something else to Gibsie. I couldn’t quite figure out what they were saying to each other. They seemed to be communicating through body language—...

Slipping the headphones on my ears, I carefully scrolled through his playlists and almost had a heart attack when my eyes landed on the one named Songs for Shannon. With my heart racing, I cast a quick peek up at Johnny, but he was still fully immersed in vulgar sign language with Gibsie. Exhaling a small puff of air from my lungs, I pressed into the playlist and quickly scrolled through the list of songs. Coldplay—“Yellow” Guns N’ Roses—“Sweet Child O’ Mine” Goo Goo Dolls—“Iris” The Fureys—“When You Were Sweet Sixteen” Howie Day—“Collide” The Offspring—“Want You Bad” Busted—“Fall at Your Feet” Aerosmith—“Crazy” Counting Crows—“Colorblind” David Gray—“This Year’s Love” Bon Jovi—“In These Arms” Westlife—“World of Our Own” Eagle-Eye Cherry—“Save Tonight” Metallica—“Tuesday’s Gone” Snow Patrol—“Run” The Verve—“Lucky Man” HIM—“Wicked Game” The La’s—“There She Goes” These were love songs. These were all love songs. Saved to a playlist with my name on it. Why? Why would he do this? Did he…? No. No, he didn’t. Of course, he didn’t. Then why…? “Shannon, can we talk?” Johnny’s voice penetrated my thoughts, startling me and causing me to drop his iPod. Thankfully, it landed on my lap and not on the floor of the bus. I turned to face him, feeling my heart race violently in my chest. “Talk?” “Yeah.” Johnny nodded slowly, blue eyes dark and heated. “I need to talk to you about something.” “Uh, yeah, okay…” Wiping my palms on my skirt, I exhaled a shaky breath before adding, “What do yo...

“Shannon?” Johnny called after me. Pausing at the door, I swung back to look at him. “Yeah?” His blue eyes burned holes inside of me when he said, “Thanks.” “For what?” I whispered. Johnny smiled. “For being nothing like the rest of them.” “Uh, okay?” “I’ll see you in a bit, okay?” I nodded. “Bye, Johnny.”

“Johnny, lad, this could take hours to clear up,” Gibsie groaned. With all traces of his earlier vulnerability long gone, Johnny said, “Then we’ll have hours of practice. Now move your ass.” “Say a prayer for me,” Gibsie told Claire. He then dove toward her and smacked a loud smoochy kiss on her cheek before jogging away. “Ew, Gerard!” Claire called after him, wiping her flushed cheek with her sleeve.

Without another word, he leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead.

If feelings were objects, then I was teetering on the edge of a great precipice, and if girls were weapons, then Shannon Lynch was the greatest weapon of mass destruction my heart had ever been exposed to. Because I was fucked. I didn’t bother denying it anymore. There was no point. I had never felt this much for another person in my entire life. It took every ounce of self-control I had inside of my body to walk away from her back there. Especially when everything inside of me demanded I snatch her away from the world and keep her all to myself. “I need you to stay safe out there, okay?” Yeah, at this stage, it was safe to say I was thoroughly fucked when it came to that girl. I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t fight my feelings. Just like with that game on the PlayStation, she was kicking my ass. When she told me about the bullying, something I regrettably already knew, I felt something snap inside of me. It felt the last piece of my resolve evaporating. The vulnerability I had seen in her eyes when she exposed her secrets for my benefit was my breaking point. Girls I knew didn’t do that. They didn’t act like Shannon. If Gibsie hadn’t come over, I would have kissed her. I knew I would have. I already knew what those lips felt like. I wanted so badly to taste them again. I would taste them again. I was starving for her and everything she was. Every part of her. Inside and out. I wanted to fight all her battles. I wanted to give her all her smiles and make her laugh an...

“This stops right fucking now, Johnny,” he warned again as he pulled a pair of jocks up my thighs, careful not to upset my groin. “No more training,” he growled, adjusting the waistband on my hips. “No more hiding your pain.” He stalked over to the bench and grabbed a towel. “No more lying.” He wiped a streak of smeared blood off my thigh. “No fucking more!” “I’ll be fine,” I strangled out, shaking from head to toe. “Fine?” Gibsie spat out, pausing midpace to glare at me. “Oh yeah, because you look fucking peachy right now, bleeding your mini fucking Johnnys all over the bed.” “Stop—” “You’re killing yourself. You do realize that, right? You do understand that you are putting your entire life on the line for a fucking green jersey that doesn’t mean shit in the long run.” “Gibs, stop, lad,” I begged. “I can’t fucking hear this right now.” “Oh, you’re going to hear it!” “I fucking can’t hear this,” I choked out, voice cracking. “Okay? I can’t…” “Look at yourself!” Gibsie demanded, jabbing a finger at my crotch. “Look at the condition you’re in.” Blood was oozing from the gash in my leg where my stitches had been. “That should have healed weeks ago,” he hissed. “It’s March, Johnny. Fucking March, and you’re walking around with your leg half-open.” “He ripped me with his boot studs,” I choked out. “It could have happened to anyone.” “Yeah, well, he wouldn’t have been able to rip you open like that if you had let your body heal the fuck up properly in the first place!” Gibsie r...

Instead, I waited. And I worried. And I desperately fought the urge to barge my way into the visitors’ changing room.

No one seemed to notice me and I wasn’t surprised. All of those boys seemed to be at least a foot taller than me. That was, until Gibsie came out. “Hey, little Shannon,” he said, noticing me immediately. “What are you doing standing out here in the rain?” “Oh, I was just… I wanted to… He was… And I…” Flapping my hands helplessly, I gave up and shrugged. “I was worried.” “About Johnny?” My shoulders sagged and I nodded in defeat. “Is it bad?” Gibsie frowned, looking uncertain. “Come on, Gibsie,” I pleaded. “Just tell me.” “He’s fine, little Shannon—” “Don’t lie to me,” I strangled out. “Please.” Exhaling a ragged breath, I continued, “I need to know.” “He’s in a bad way,” he admitted quietly. “Depending on what the doctors say when he gets to the hospital, he’s looking at some serious time out of the game.” Exhaling heavily, he ran a hand through his hair. “He’s out for the final, for sure.” “I don’t want to know if he can play rugby or not,” I squeezed out as a wave of guilt swallowed me up. “I want to know if he is okay! Him. Johnny! The person. Not the fucking rugby player!” Gibsie tilted his head to one side, studying me with a curious look. “Well, aren’t you a keeper?” he finally mused, tone low. “What?” “Never mind.” Gibsie shook his head and exhaled heavily. “I heard Coach calling around hotels to see if any place can put us up for the night.” Grimacing, he added, “Reckons Johnny will be taken straight in for surgery tonight.” Oh god. My heart sank. I knew he shouldn...

He’s in the shower, you idiot. What are you doing? Get out. Get out now! Embarrassed, I swung around and bolted for the door, only to halt in my tracks when Johnny called out my name. “Shannon?” Mortified, I swung around to face him. “Hi,” I strangled, forcing myself to breathe even though it felt like my heart accelerated in my chest at the sight of him. Johnny had a towel slung over his shoulder, was gripping a metal crutch with his hand, and wore a pained expression on his face. He was once again wearing a pair of Calvin Klein’s. Tonight’s were black. “Hi,” Johnny replied, distracting me from my dangerous thoughts. “What are you doing in here?” “I wanted to check on you,” I blurted out, desperately trying not to stare at the way his stomach muscles contracted when he made his way over to the bench, putting all his weight on the crutch. “I was worried.” He was limping again, blatantly obvious now, and I was instantly alert. Alert and concerned. “I am worried,” I muttered. “One of those assholes from Royce ripped me with his boot,” Johnny grumbled. He sat down gingerly, rested the crutch beside him, and placed the towel over his right thigh. “Ripped you?” I choked out, horrified. Oh god. Exhaling heavily, Johnny leaned back and rested his head against the tiled wall at his back. “Assholes.” “You didn’t get up, Johnny,” I whispered, chewing on my lip. My gaze flicked to his thigh. “For a long time.” “Passed out from the pain,” he reluctantly admitted. “They’re sending you ...

“It’s okay,” I promised, taking his big hand in mine. “You’re going to be okay.” Johnny stiffened, but didn’t pull his hand from mine. I didn’t let go, either. I just pulled his hand onto my lap and held on tightly. “I’m in pain, Shannon,” he confessed, dropping his head. “I’m so fucking scared.” “I know you are,” I whispered, shifting closer, fingers twitching with the urge I had inside of me to check the damage he was hiding beneath that towel. “Have they given you anything for the pain?” Johnny exhaled a ragged breath. “Yeah, the doc gave me a shot of something—a muscle relaxant, I think.” “Is it helping?” He shook his head. “I bet you wish you hadn’t wasted those ibuprofen on me now, huh?” I joked, trying to distract him from the obvious discomfort he was in. “They would’ve come in handy right about now.” “A tranquilizer would be helpful,” he shot back glumly, his big shoulders sagging. “Let me see you,” I instructed softly. Keeping my right hand wrapped around his, I used my left to reach over and turn his chin. “Those fuckers,” I grumbled, eyeing the purple bruising on the side of his cheek and the cut above his brow that was once again clotting. “Your poor face.” Johnny chuckled then. “What’s funny?” I asked, thrilled to hear that sound come out of him. “It’s weird to hear you say ‘fucker,’” he explained with a weary smile. “I’m quite partial to cursing, you know,” I told him, desperately trying to distract him from his pain. “No, you’re not,” he replied gruffly, to...