I'm a Fan: A Novel

by Sheena Patel

He has the ability to say to me he needs time to decide which way his life will go—he can still say he might want children at an age where for a woman this would be impossible. The fact he can say this says everything about the power he holds versus the power my fertility has over me, the upper hand men have over women, because although women experience the infinite, our value is not seen as infinite, our value is tied to our small window of production and it is a daily effort to fight the fear we have no value outside the parameters of marriage and children, if it is possible to do this at all. Capitalism stokes the illusion the planet’s resources are never-ending or else that things only have value when they are producing and if they are not, then replace them.

The validation a relationship bestows upon a woman’s personhood still exists and has to be internally fought off if a union hasn’t been achieved. The world is built for couples. Even unhappy ones.

No matter how much some say they respect women, each man, even the ‘good ones’, benefit from women’s low expectations of them as control is exerted via a climate of instability, fear and violence.