Redeeming 6 (Boys of Tommen #4)

by Chloe Walsh

“Are you going to send me away again?” he asked in an achingly vulnerable tone,

“Well, fuck you, Joey Lynch.” I turned around to leave then, only to halt in my tracks when his arm came around my waist, pulling me back against his chest. “I’m sorry.” He exhaled a heavy breath and tightened his arm around my body. “I fucked up.” “Yeah, you did,” I squeezed out, trembling all over, as I resisted the urge to sag against him, because, let’s face it, he could barely hold himself up in this moment. “You’re a fucking asshole.” “I know.” A pained groan escaped him and he dropped his head to rest on my shoulder. “I know, baby.” “You’re hurting me.” He groaned in pain. “Shh, stop saying that.” “This hurts me, Joey.” Another pained groan escaped his lips. “No, no, no, I would never hurt you.” “You hurt yourself and that's the same thing,” I choked out. “Because when you hurt, I hurt. When you burn, I go down in flames with you. We're entwined, Joe. We're mirrors. Don’t you get that by now?” “Ah fuck.” Trembling violently, he pulled me closer. “I’m sorry for hurting ya, Molloy.”

“Molloy.” Lips mashing together, I twisted my head to one side, and groaned in approval when my nose burrowed between her warm thighs. “Mm.” “Shh, Joe, it’s all good,” she soothed, stroking my cheek with her hand, as she cradled my head in her lap with the other. “Just sleep it off, okay?” Obliging the wonderful fucking voice that belonged to the best face I’d ever seen, I let my eyelids flutter shut, and nuzzled into her warm lap, feeling safer than I had in years. Maybe ever. “You make me feel safe.” “Oh, Joe.” “I love you so fucking much it hurts.” “I know, baby. I love you, too.” “Don’t send me away again, Molloy.” “I won’t, Joe.” Her hand was on my hair again. “Shh, now. Just sleep it off, baby.”

“You’re going to make a wonderful little mammy, do you know that, my girl?” “Yeah,” I mumbled. “Sure I am.” “You are,” Mam pushed. “I can see it now – I can see everything so much clearer now.” “See what?” “You,” Mam replied. “The woman you’re becoming. That backbone of steel behind you. The reason why he’s so drawn to you.” “Who?” “Joey.” My face heated. “Oh?” “Obviously, you’re a beautiful looking girl.” I snorted and waved a hand in front of myself. “Obviously.” “And modest,” Mam jibed before continuing, “But you’re so much more than a pretty face. You are warm, Aoife. That poor boy never stood a chance with you, did he? Not when everything he’s never been given flows from you like a waterfall.” “No, I’m drama, remember?” I joked, feeling embarrassed. “You’re that, too,” she agreed with a smirk. “But my god does warmth shine out from beneath that mischievous exterior of yours. It’s infectious.”

“Good looks aside, you’re a fucking trainwreck to deal with,” he argued. “And I should know. I’ve spent the last fourteen years watching you derail, but I’ve stuck around for the same reason she has. Because she sees the same thing I do; a good fucking person underneath all of the bullshit. But you’re blurring those lines, Joe. You crossed a line today and you need to make it right,” he said, holding a finger up. “I love you like a brother, I always have, but one of these days you’re going to slip so far off the tracks that none of us will be able to reach you.” His words cut me deep, and I found myself reacting on instinct. “I don’t need anyone to reach me.” Rattled, I hissed, “I don’t need you, or her, or anyone else to help me with shit.” He narrowed his eyes. “Keep on behaving like this and no one will want to.” I narrowed my eyes right back. “Suits me just fine.” “Go on, Joe; keep pushing the people that actually love you away,” he argued, tone heated and eyes laced with disappointment. “Keep driving us out of your life and you’re going to end up with only Shane Holland and his leeches sucking the life out of you.”

“I’m an asshole,” he offered, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “I’m undeserving.” He switched sides and kissed my other cheek. “I’m sorry.” Another kiss to the curve of my jaw. “I love you.”

“I was afraid. I was in shock. I was fucking reeling, Joey. I didn’t mean a word of what I said to you that night, and you know it, so stop trying to make me feel bad for it.” He flinched like I had struck him. “If you know me at all, and you’re probably the only one that does, then you’d know that I would never do that to you,” he bit out, looking hurt. “I deserved your pain that night. I fucking deserved everything you said to me and more.” “I know you wouldn’t,” I sighed, pressing a hand to my brow, as my emotions continued to flatten me. “I know, Joe.” “I’m not trying to make you feel bad about anything,” he continued to say. “But you asked me for an explanation and I’m trying to give it to you.” “Well, I’m clearly not done with you,” I said, urging him to hear me. “Your father did a terrible thing, that’s true, but it isn’t on you. Nothing has changed for us, okay?” “I didn’t know that.” His words were barely audible as he swallowed deeply. “I didn’t know.”

“But he didn’t kiss me back,” she blurted, wringing her hands together. “And I feel so embarrassed about the whole thing, Joe.” “Why didn’t he kiss you back?” “He said that it wouldn’t be fair to start anything up with me when he’s leaving soon.” She chewed on her lip, looking very young and uncertain. “But then he came over after school yesterday.” “He came over.” My eyes widened. “Here. To this house.” She nodded. “He helped me with my homework.” “Did anything happen?” “We hugged.” I fought back the laugh that was threatening to escape me. “You hugged.” “Uh-huh.” Desperately trying to keep a straight face, I asked, “Was it a good hug?” She sighed wistfully and clutched her chest. “It was the best hug I’ve ever had.” Now, I did laugh. “Joey!”

“Okay then. Good. That’s good to hear.” Repressing a shudder, I quickly continued. “Jesus, I can’t believe these words are coming out of my mouth, but foreplay helps a lot.” “Foreplay?” “Yeah, Shan.” “What kind of foreplay?” “Well, not hugging that’s for fucking sure.” “Oh.” She blushed. “So, you mean like kissing and stuff?” “And stuff,” I replied, feeling like I was seconds away from throwing myself out of her bedroom window. “Like touching?” “Yeah, like touching and tasting and…ugh, you know what?” Slapping my hands on my knees, I stood up and paced the floor. “You should stick to the hugging. Hugging is perfect. Hugging is plenty close enough until you’re twenty.”

“You really love her, don’t you?” “It’s not just about love. It’s about respect.” “And compatibility.” “And friendship.” “And loyalty.” “Exactly.” “Wow,” Shannon breathed. “You’re very sweet under that prickly exterior, aren’t you?”

Do it, she mentally dared me, see what happens. Beyond fucking irritated, I glared down at her, equally unwilling to be the first one to give in and speak. Releasing my hand, she gave me one final hard look before backing up a few steps, and then, with that sexy fucking nose cocked in the air, she turned on her heels and walked off. Fine. Blowing out a frustrated growl, I turned on my heels and walked towards the PE hall, but only managed to make it about five steps before swinging back around. Goddammit to hell! I could hear Rambo and the lads cracking up with laughter, and making the mandatory whipped sound as I trailed after my girlfriend like a fucking puppy. Jesus Christ. When I caught up with her at the door, she didn’t look behind her when she slid her bag off her shoulder and held it out. Jaw ticking, I begrudgingly took her bag and slung it over my shoulder. Clearing her throat, she folded her arms across her chest, and inclined her chin to the door. Biting back a growl, I stepped around her and held the door open. “Hm,” she huffed prissily before sauntering inside. Resisting the urge to swing the door shut on her ass, I ground my teeth together and followed after the girl who had a firm hold on my heart – and my nuts.

The cord attached to it led back to the MP3 player balancing on Molloy’s lap under the desk, while the other earphone dangled from her right ear. Picking it up, I discretely popped it in my left ear, and listened as Puddle of Mudd’s She Hates Me drifted into my ear. Lovely. What a sweet way to serenade your boyfriend. Fuck. My. Life. Turning the page in her copybook, I watched as Molloy hovered over the page, and scribbled something down before pushing the copybook towards me. You’re an asshole.

No, dickhead, you’re not out of the doghouse. Consider this note my version of throwing you a bone. As for love songs? Ha! You should be so lucky. I smirked and wrote down a reply. Yeah, well, this dickhead loves you. You can’t write things like that. Why not? Because I’m trying to be pissed at you. So? You’re always pissed at me, and I’m always loving you. Okay, now you’re just being smooth. Smooth like a Rolo? Oh god, I’d love a packet of Rolos right now. Check the front pocket of my bag.

A cliché? Good at multiplying? I felt the air leave my lungs in a rush. “What. The. Fuck.” “I don’t…I, uh…” Exhaling a ragged breath, Molloy choked out a sob. “Oh Jesus.” My heart slammed wildly against my chest, as I turned my attention to the girl sitting beside me. “Molloy.” I wasn’t fucking stupid. “Molloy.” I could hear the penny dropping. “Molloy.” Shit, I could hear the sound of my pulse ringing in my ears. “Aoife!” “Joe,” Molloy whispered, turning her panicked eyes on me. “I…”

“Yeah, well, I thought that I was doing the right thing,” she bit out stubbornly. “Besides, it’s my body this is happening to.” “It’s my baby,” I countered doggedly, and then reeled when I registered what I’d just said. “Oh Jesus,” I wheezed, feeling my heart constrict so tight, I thought I might be having a heart attack. “It’s my baby.” Pressing a hand to my chest, I heaved out a breath, and tried to get the gasps under control. “Oh fuck.”

She was pregnant. With a baby. With my baby. Get the fuck up and take care of her. Stop thinking about yourself, you fucking pussy. Don’t even think about pretending that you don’t care. It’s yours and you care. She’s yours and you care. It does matter and you do care.

I couldn’t answer him because I had no idea where I had intended to go. I only knew that he was exactly where I needed him to be. “Joe.” Unable to shoulder this crippling weight by myself for a second longer, I slumped against him, needing to feel his arms around me in this moment more than I needed my next breath. “Joe.” “It’s okay.” His arms came around me, tight and full of comfort, as he pulled me into his embrace. “Shh. It’s okay.” Burying my face in the front of his school jumper, I clutched the fabric at his back, and let him take my weight, taking every ounce of support he was offering me. Because I needed his support. I needed him.

“I won’t run.” “You swear?” “I swear,” Joey replied, tone laced with sincerity. “I won’t leave you alone in this.” “Then that’s all you need to say,” I sobbed, nuzzling his cheek with mine. “Because that’s all I need to know.”

“I’m so scared.” I couldn’t reassure her of shit. Not when I had no clue of this would play out. All I could do in that moment was hold her. Because I didn’t have the words to fix this, to make it right for her. All I had was my body. My presence. My ability to stay. Sniffling, she looked up at me, eyes puffy and red. “Thank you.” “For what?” “For proving me right.” Confused, I frowned. “How have I proved you right, exactly?” “Well, you’re here for a start,” she said, offering me a small smile. “And you haven’t hit the roof.”

The only thing that I had going for me, that most of the lads I knew who were in similar positions didn’t have, was the fact that the girl carrying my kid happened to be my best friend. In a way, that made her being pregnant significantly worse, because the guilt was so staggering. My conscience was weighing on me in a way that Dricko or any of the lads I knew with kids had never experienced. Because, for me, it wasn’t my future I was mourning. It was hers. Because I loved her. I loved her so fucking much that I let myself get reckless and ruin her.

“Sometimes I can’t control it,” I admitted brokenly. “It’s like something goes off in my head, and I check out. I stop thinking. I stop feeling. I stop fucking remembering all of the reasons I have to keep going and start thinking about all of the reasons why I should give up.”

She didn’t shout or berate me. She didn’t slap my face and run away, either. Instead, she stood there, eyes locked on mine, as she absorbed my painful truth. “Right now,” she finally said. “What are your thoughts right now?” “My thoughts?” “Your thoughts.” “You,” I admitted. “You and the baby.” Shivering, she nodded and tightened her arms around my neck. “And your head? Where’s your head at, Joe?” “Same place as it’s always been,” I replied. “With you.” “I believe in you.” The words hurt to hear and I flinched. “Molloy.” “I. Believe. In. You,” she repeated slowly. “I’m not expecting perfection from you, Joe. Hell, I don’t want it, because I’m definitely not perfect. So, all I need you to do is be honest, be faithful, and keep trying.”

With a whole heap of uncertainty still hanging over my head, and my father’s interrogation looming, I was glad to have him by my side. The familiar way he had his arm slung over my shoulder somehow meant more tonight than any of the thousand other times he held me like this in the past. Because we were in trouble, and he was still here, still backing me up like a loyal teammate.

“Joey’s my best friend.” I looked around the table, imploring our parents to hear me. “We’ve known each other since we were twelve. So, when he says that he’ll there for me, I believe him and all of you should too. Because his word is good.” Surprised by my words, my boyfriend turned to look at me, green eyes burning with unspoken emotion. It was almost like it hurt him to hear someone speak kindly of him. It was foreign to him, and it broke my heart.

“Blow on my toes.” “Absolutely fucking not.” “Joey Lynch.” “Aoife Molloy.” “You said you’d be there for me.” “As your boyfriend and the father of your baby,” he spluttered, throwing his hands up. “Not as your personal fucking groomer.” “There were no stipulations spoken when you made your promises,” I argued. “Now come here and blow me.” “That’s my line.” “It won’t ever be again if you don’t do this for me.” “Jesus fucking Christ.” Rolling his eyes, Joey sank down on the edge of my bed and pulled my feet onto his lap. “You have an eejit made out of me.” “You’re the best,” I crooned victoriously. “I lucked out in the baby-daddy stakes.” “Hm,” Joey grunted, entirely unimpressed with me, as he blew each one of my toenails dry before unceremoniously dropping my feet back on the bed, and stalking over to my window.

“You’re not going to be the size of a whale.” “But if I am?” “You won’t be.” “I might be.” “You’re having a baby, Molloy, not inhaling a town.” “But say it happens.” “Jesus Christ.” He rolled his eyes to the heavens. “Yes, I’m still going to want you.” “How?” “How?” His brows furrowed in confusion as he closed the space between us. “What do you mean how?” “How are you going to still find me sexy when I’m big and round and swollen?” I gestured to my body and sighed. “Look at me, Joe. Won’t you miss this body?” He threw his head back and laughed. “Hey – don’t laugh at me, asshole.” I narrowed my eyes. “I’m feeling vulnerable here.” “You are the vainest girl I’ve ever met.” “It’s not vanity when it’s true,” I sniped. “Then it’s just plain honesty.” Still chuckling, he shook his head, clearly amused. “Christ, I love you.” Grinning, he flopped down on the mattress beside me and stretched his arm out for me to join him. As soon as I snuggled into the crook of his arm, he pulled me close and released a contented sigh. “Don’t ever lose it, Molloy.” “Lose what?” “That spark of fire that makes you so incredibly you,” he replied, tightening his arm around me. “It doesn’t matter how your body changes, because I’m always going to keep coming back to you. Because I might enjoy touching all of this,” he explained, fingers trailing over my body until he reached my face and gently tapped my temple. “But I’m hooked on this.”

“It’s all good, Molloy.” He tossed his hurley and helmet on floor at his feet, before turning to give me his full attention. “I’m fine.” His green eyes were warm and full of affection when he leaned in close and whispered, “How are you feeling?” “I’m fine.” “Yeah?” He slipped his hand under the desk and squeezed my thigh. “Well, you look good, baby.” How he could be so good to me, so considerate and caring of my feelings, when he was going through hell, was beyond me. “I love you,” I whispered, covering his hand with mine. “So much.” “I know.” Blowing out a pained breath, he entwined his fingers with mine. “I know, Molloy.”

My heart slammed wildly in my chest as I mentally translated his words. Fair enough, teacher. I was telling my sweetheart that I love her. “Dúirt mé léi freisin go bhfuil cuma álainn uirthi,” Joey continued to say, not missing a beat. I also told her that she looks beautiful. Shrugging, he added, “Agus go bhfuil mo chroí istigh inti.” And that my heart is inside her.

Completely fucking reeling from the events of the last twenty-four hours, I was doing everything I could to take the pressure off my girlfriend. To make her feel like she wasn’t in this alone. Because she might be the one currently housing our baby, but the responsibility of parenthood was coming for both of us. Just thinking about it caused my heart to catapult around in my chest. The fuck was I going to do? I had a girl and a baby to look after. But I still had Shannon and the boys. And Mam. Jesus Christ.

“You let me down, Joey.” Christ, hearing him say it out loud hurt worse than I thought it would. “I know, Tony.” “But worse than that, you let my daughter down.” “Yeah.” Jaw ticking, I nodded stiffly. “I know that, too.” “What are you going to do about this mess?” “I’m going to step up.” “Step up.” I nodded stiffly. “Do whatever Aoife wants me to do.”

“Goddammit, Joey, this would be so much easier if I didn’t like you.” Yeah, I know. “She might be having your baby, but she’s still my baby,” he snapped. “She will always be my baby. I would die for her. I would kill for her. I know you’re a good lad, but I’m telling you now, man to man, if you ever consider laying so much as a finger on my daughter or that child—” “You wouldn’t have to kill me, Tony,” I cut him off and said. “I’d do it myself.”

“Take this and phone Aoife, okay? Call her up and she’ll come get us.” I hated dragging Molloy into this. Fucking despised myself for dragging her back to this house. But I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t have anyone else. She was it. My entire lifeline. She was my ride or die, and whether it was right or wrong, I knew she would come.

“Joey, wait, wait, please don’t do this.” Grabbing onto my hands, my mother dropped to her knees in front of me, and the move made me want to die. “Don’t take them from me.” “I can’t leave them here,” I choked out, feeling too much for her, as my heart gunned in my chest. “And you’ve made your choice.” She had. Whether she denied it or not, she chose him. She would always choose him. But this time, I was choosing my siblings over her. “You don’t understand,” she wailed. “You don’t see.” “Then get up, Mam.” Tears filled my eyes, and it honestly felt like she stuck her hand through my chest and wrapped it around my heart. “Get up off your knees and walk out of this house with me.” “I can’t.” She shook her head, eyes pleading. “He’ll kill me.” He’ll kill them, too, I wanted to scream. What part of that didn’t she get?

Casey had this innate ability of making me feel like my life wasn’t going to shit. It wasn’t that she was overly optimistic, she just happened to possess enough crazy to complement mine. We just fit together like bacon and cabbage. Or vodka and coke.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Shh, I’ve got you.” Ignoring his mother, my boyfriend continued to whisper in his baby sister’s ear. “I love you. I love you, Shan. Just hold on for me, okay?” “Shannon!” “Jesus Christ, Shannon!” “I’m here. I’m right here, Shan,” Joey continued to cry as he rocked her back and forth in his arms like a mother would a small child. I couldn’t tell which one of them was bleeding more. I suspected Joey. But Shannon? Shannon was just limp. “Is she breathing?” I jumped into action and asked, setting Sean down, as I hurried over to them. “I don’t know, I don’t know,” Joey choked out a cry, and it was the worst sound I had ever heard come from his mouth. He sounded so young. So frightened. So utterly broken.

“Help me.” He was moving for the front door before I had a chance to answer him. Before I could beg him to sit down before he passed out. Panic swirled inside of my stomach, spiraling my heart into a frenzied flush of fear and dread. As I hurried after him, I knew that it was a bad idea, but went with him anyway because he needed me. Because for the first time in his life, he had asked for help. Two words. Help me. I’d never heard them come from his mouth before and knew there was a chance I’d never hear them again, but I had to help him. I couldn’t not.

“I’ll drive,” he choked out. “I’m faster, and I can’t—” his voice broke, and he sucked in a quivering breath. “Please just hold her for me. I need to not, ah, I need to just…” Staggering, he leaned against the side of my car and clung to Shannon’s small body. “Molloy, I’m really scared.” My heart cracked clean open in my chest. “It’s okay, Joe, baby. You drive.”

“Hey, queen.” His voice was raspy and torn. “Nice legs.” I choked out a sob. “Nice everything.” “Don’t cry for me.” “I’m not.” I forced a brighter smile. “Your nose is pancaked again.” “Hm.” He grunted out a breath. “What’s new.” “I think it’s sexy.” Sniffling, I lifted his hand to my mouth and kissed all of his torn knuckles. “You’ve got the roughed-up bad boy look down to a tee.” “How’s my baby?” “Still cooking?” “How’s my other baby?” “I’m okay, Joe,” I breathed. “We’re both fine.” “Good.” His eyelid fluttered shut. “I need you to be okay.”

“He’s the best damn thing that came out of your marriage and you’re too stupid to see it. He’s not your bodyguard. He’s not your bank account. He’s not your babysitter. He’s not your fucking husband. He’s your child. He’s your son!” Furious, I turned my glare on his brother. “And as for you? Well, I don’t really know you that well yet, but I’m feeling like this is a fuck you kind of moment. So, fuck you.”