Redeeming 6 (Boys of Tommen #4)

by Chloe Walsh

“Lasagna.” “I love lasagna.” “I know.” “Where’s it from?” “Supervalu.” “Their own brand?” “Only one I can afford.” “That’s my favorite one!” “Yeah, Molloy, I know.” “So, you cook, you clean, you change nappies, you fix my car, you give me unlimited orgasms,” she teased. Stepping back, she snatched up her little Santa hat and slipped it into the pocket of her coat. “Keep this up and I might just have to hang onto you, Joey Lynch.” “Whatever you say, Molloy,” I chuckled, shaking my head.

Joey was, in my biased opinion, the best thing to come out of Teddy and Marie Lynch’s fucked-up marriage, and the fact that his own mother couldn’t see beyond his jagged edges, made me furious.

Sure, he was reckless and brash, stubborn and short-tempered, but he was also selfless and thoughtful, determined and dedicated. He was loyal to a fault, and even though he tried his very best to hide it from the world, my god did he have a heart the size of the moon.

Tadhg made the mistake of laughing, which earned him a, “don’t fucking start, boy,” warning snarl from their father, as he slammed his fist down on the kitchen table, and extended his power. Like dominos, I watched as five heads dropped in submission. Or fear. Not my one, though. Not my Lynch. Like a lone wolf standing on the outskirts of his family pack, Joey refused to bend or cower to the alpha.

After abusing his bedroom door, the same door he regularly fucked me against, he yanked it open and stalked out, returning a few minutes later with my overnight bag, a jar of mayonnaise, and a regenerated thirst for pummeling his door. Smiling when he handed me the mayo, I padded over to his bed and sank down, letting him do his thing and process, while I occupied myself by scoffing down every morsel of food on my plate. When his knuckles were aching, his breathing was ragged, and his anger was spent, only then he did he slump down on the bed beside me, with his plate on his lap, and a dejected look on his face. When he made no move to eat, I stabbed a piece of his lasagna with my fork and held it up to his mouth. He stared at it for the longest time before finally accepting my offering and taking a bite. I repeated the move another seven or eight times, feeding him when he wouldn’t, until he shook his head, shoulders slumping in defeat.

After a long beat, he exhaled a resigned breath and rested his head on top on mine. “This is the part where I go out and lose my mind.” Taking his hand in mine, I entwined our fingers and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “I know.” “I don’t know how much more I can take,” he admitted quietly, head bowed, gaze trained on our joined hands. “How much more he can push me until I snap and throw it all away.” “You’ve got another night in you,” I told him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “You can hold on for one more night.”

“Want to know something else?” “Hm?” “You’re a diamond, Joey Lynch.” Cupping his face between my hands, I leaned in and kissed him tenderly. “You’re one in a million.” “Oh Jesus,” he chuckled against my lips, as he reached up and knotted his hand in my hair. “Should I be worried about where this is leading?” “Nope.” Shaking my head, I exhaled a contented sigh and pushed on his shoulders until he flopped down on his back. “Just wanted you to know that you’re someone’s favorite person in the world.” “Don’t get soft on me, Molloy,” he teased, but I could hear the emotion he was trying to hide in his voice. Smiling, I leaned in close and kissed him again. This time, I wholeheartedly let myself get caught up in the moment, in the feel of his lips on mine, his hands on my body, skin on skin. “You’re someone’s favorite person, too,” he whispered a little while later,

She joked about rings, and weddings, and babies, but I didn’t know if she was serious – or if it was something I was capable of giving her. I didn’t want marriage or babies, but the thought of her having those things with someone who wasn’t me made me want to die. The thought of her, years into the future, with another man’s ring on her finger, or worse, another man’s child in her stomach, made me want to burst into flames. Deep down inside, I knew that it all came down to what I could and couldn’t live with. So, could I live with marriage and babies if that was what her future consisted of? Could I live with it? All I knew was that I couldn’t live without her. It wasn’t an option. Jesus, I was so fucking snared by this girl.

“Lynchy, head’s up!” Paul pucked the sliotar in my direction, and I raised my hand up to catch the ball mid-air, only to miss my target entirely when Molloy grabbed me in a precarious fucking spot. “That’s my ball, Joey Lynch,” she warned, squeezing my nuts just enough to let me know that she was capable of doing damage. “And so are these.” “Jesus,” I strangled out, throwing my hands up in surrender, as my blonde-haired nemesis secured the ball for herself, and whizzed past me, cackling evilly.

“This can’t be happening,” I groaned, feeling sick to my stomach, as I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. “This isn’t happening.” “What’s wrong, Molloy?” an achingly familiar voice asked, and I clamped up with tension when Joey sank down on the table in front of me. “Were they out of Rolos in the tuck shop?” Forcing myself to steady my nerves and look at him, I leaned back in my seat and smiled weakly. “How’d you guess?” He tossed a packet onto my lap and winked. My heart flipped in my chest as I stared down at the packet. “Joe.” My throat felt like sawdust. “That’s so sweet.” He rolled his eyes at my overly dramatic reaction to his kindness and turned his attention to his friends, who were all joining us at the table.

Clearly, I had fucked up somewhere between yesterday morning when I left her outside the changing rooms for P.E and today, but I was struggling to pinpoint where exactly. I kept my hands to myself during P.E yesterday and didn’t get myself expelled. Christ, I’d even slipped out of Construction early to snag her a packet of Rolos in the tuck shop. Sure, I had a smoke behind the shed with the lads at lunch today, same as always, but it was a cigarette and not a hit from Rambo Regan’s perfectly rolled joint, tempting as it had been. All in all, I thought that the first two school days of the week had been productive. I didn’t even get detention.

“What time are you finished?” “Half ten,” she said quietly. “I’ll walk you home.” “I have the car.” “Fine. I’ll walk over to the pub and drive you home.” “You finish at nine.” “I’ll wait.” “Joe, I need a night to myself, okay,” she said, tone strained. “I’ve, ah, well, I just do, okay?” “Are you mad at me?” I asked, hating the helpless feeling eating me alive. “Did I do something to upset you?” I swallowed down a growl before asking, “Are you pissed that I didn’t do something when Ricey knocked you over in P.E yesterday? Because I wanted to, Molloy. I was fully prepared to kick the shit out of him for putting his hands on you.” “Are you kidding? No, I’m so proud of you for not reacting. It was only a push, no big deal, and I swear you didn’t do anything, okay?” she hurried to soothe. “I love you, Joe. I’m not mad at you, I promise. I’m just dealing with something and I need a night to myself.” “I love you,” I heard myself admit, tone gruff. “Do ya hear me? I love you, Molloy.” “I know you do, Joe,” she replied, tone thick with emotion. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow, okay?” “Yeah.” I bowed my head. “Okay.” “Bye, stud.” “Bye, queen.”

‘Ask him for a few tickets,’ Tony mouthed, nudging my arm. ‘I can’t do that,’ I mouthed back, glaring at him. ‘Do it.’ ‘No.’ ‘Ask him.’ ‘No.’ ‘Do it for your boss.’ ‘No.’ ‘Fine. Do it for your future father-in-law.’ I gaped at him. He grinned back. “Ah… is there any chance of a few tickets?” I closed my eyes when the words came out of my mouth, feeling like an asshole for asking. “My girlfriend’s father is a big fan.” “Yeah, I’ll see what I can do,” he replied, like it was something he was asked on the daily.

“My sister Shannon? She’s only fifteen. So, I hope you don’t have any notions because she’s a good girl.” “I’m well aware, and no, I don’t,” came his cool response and for the first time, I heard a crack in his polite bullshit exterior. Clearly, I’d hit a nerve. “We’re, uh…” “Friends?” I offered, amused. “Yeah,” he answered, sounding flustered. “We’re friends.”

I could smell the bullshit a mile off every time she denied her very obvious feelings, and smiled to myself as I listened to her ramble on about who I thought might be her very first crush.

“Shannon!” “I didn’t want to trouble you again.” She cringed, cheeks burning. “I feel like that’s all any of us do these days.” “Because I’m your brother,” he snapped, closing the space between them and tucking her under his arm. “That’s what I’m supposed to do.” I watched as both Shannon and Sean clung to Joey, a lot like I had earlier in the car. “You call and I come running,” he told them in a gruff tone, but his eyes were locked on mine as he spoke. “Every time.”

have no idea what I’m doing, or how long I’ll have to do it for.” I thought about what he said for a long time before saying, “I think you’re quite possibly the most incredible human being I’ve ever known.” He shook his head and chuckled. “Fuck off.” “I’ve never meant anything more in my life,” I urged. “Who you are? What you do? The knocks you’ve taken? The blows you continue to receive? How hard you love those kids? How much you sacrifice so that they don’t have to?” I shook my head. “It’s mind-blowing, Joe. Your selflessness is staggering.” “Don’t say shit like that, Molloy,” he muttered, taking a swig of his coffee. “Why not?” I pressed. “Are you afraid someone might hear me and realize how amazing you are, too?”

“Myself and Shannon have each other,” Joey cut her off, tone flat. “That’s it.” “Not anymore,” I replied, squeezing his hand. “You have me.” I looked at his baby sister and smiled sadly. “All of you.” They were both quiet for a long moment before Joey snatched my hand up. “Christ,” he muttered, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. “I love you.” This was the first time that Joey had ever openly admitted his feelings in front of another person, and I felt the gravity of his admission in the deepest part of my heart.

“Come on,” I laughed, catching ahold of his hand. “Live a little – but be nice about it. Don’t even think about scaring him off your sister.” “She could do better.” “She could do a lot worse,” I laughed. “Go on, Joe. Go and say hi to him.” He gaped at me. “Why me?” I shrugged. “Because she’s your sister, not mine.” “So?” “So, shut up and do it already!” “Why am I constantly being ruled by the women in my life?” Joey muttered, trailing after me. ”Johnny Kavanagh?”

“Would if I could,” Johnny grumbled, looking a little lost. “No taxi.” I opened my mouth to speak when Joey shook his head, giving me a warning look that said don’t do it. “Sure we could give you a lift home, couldn’t we, babe?” I said, doing it anyway, and reveling in the fuck you expression on his face. “We’re only parked down the road.”

“Oh, yeah,” I leaned close and whispered in Joey’s ear. “That big gorilla of a boy definitely wants in your baby sister.” “Jesus Christ, do you want me to crash the car?” Joey choked out with a shudder. “That is a hideous thing to say to me, baby!” “It’s true, though,” I mused. “Maybe they’ve already done the deed.” “Molloy.” “She’s so tiny, and he’s so big –” “Aoife!”

“Listen to me.” Leaning in close, I tucked her hair behind her ear and said, “I’m not Tony, and you’re not Trish, okay? I would never do that to you,” I promised as I cupped the side of her face with my hand, and resisted the urge to shake this sudden onslaught of irrational fear and neediness out of her. “Do ya hear me? I would never cheat on you.” She reached up and covered my hand with hers, as her green eyes searched mine for a reassurance that she’d never needed from me before. “Because, you see this face?” Leaning in close, I rested my brow against hers and stroked her nose with mine. “Your face right here is the only face I’ve been seeing since I was twelve. Because no matter how off my head I’ve been over the years, no matter how far from reality I’ve let my mind wander, I have never lost sight of this face.” Shivering, she exhaled a shaky breath and grabbed my face between her hands. “Really?” “The only face,” I confirmed with a small nod. “The only girl.”

“So, any cold feet?” I mused, tucking a tendril of hair behind her ear. “Any changes you want to make to our future plans, or are we all set?” “No cold feet,” she replied, burying her face in my neck, as she hugged me tightly. “I want that future with you.”

“Are you alright?” she demanded. “Have you two had a fight?” “No.” I shook my head. “Nothing like that.” “Okay.” Relief flooded her voice. “It’s half three in the morning, pet.” “I know, Mam.” I chewed on my nail anxiously. “I just…” I exhaled a pained breath. “I needed to hear your voice.” There was a long stretch of silence and I heard the ruffling of bedclothes, followed by footsteps padding. “Okay, I’m in the kitchen alone,” she said a few moments later. “Your father’s upstairs in bed. We can talk.” Trembling from head to toe, I exhaled a cracked breath. “I don’t know where to start.” “Start at the beginning.” “I’m in trouble, Mam.” I heaved out a sob and let my head fall forward. “And I’m really scared.”

“He’s a good boy,” she was quick to assure me. “He is, Aoife, he’s one of the few good ones, if that’s why you’re avoiding telling him.” “How can you be so sure?” “Because your father and I have known that boy since he was twelve years old,” she replied. “Joey might be rough around the edges, but he’s never been one to shy away from hard work or responsibility. It’s not in his nature.” “Yeah, Mam, but this is different,” I squeezed out, blinking away my tears. “This is a baby.” “He won’t turn his back on you,” she promised. “Trust me. I’m your mother. I was put on this earth to worry about you, and when you told me you were late, a million different fears and worries flooded my mind. But never once did I worry about that boy’s willingness to stick by you.”

Anyway, Sean woke up and came into your room around 6am, but you looked so exhausted, and it’s the first time I’ve seen you actually get a good night’s sleep, that I decided to take him and the boys out, and let you have a lie in.

Don’t forget to give Shan her birthday presents. And give her a big squishy sweet sixteenth birthday hug from me. I know you’re really busy, but could you swing by my house after the kids are in bed tonight? There’s something I really need to talk to you about. I love you, Aoife. x P.S: don’t stop trying, Joe.

“Lad,” Gibsie snickered, nudging my shoulder with his. “I think my best friend is a small bit obsessed with your sister.” “What did I tell ya about personal space?” I snapped, and then waited for him to take a safe step back, before cracking an egg into the pan. “But yeah, I reckon my sister is a small bit obsessed with your best friend, too.” “Aw shucks,” he mused, eyes dancing with mischief. “Isn’t young love fun?”

“Kav clearly wants your sister. Your sister clearly wants Kav. Maybe there’s a little more than just wanting each other going on here. Who knows? Either way, he’s someone whose intentions you take seriously.” “Seriously?” “Yes, seriously,” Gibsie confirmed. “Everything about Kav’s world is serious, stable, and selected since birth. His future is set in stone, and his plans are cemented in front of him, without an inch of moving space. So, if he’s moving shit around to make space for her, if he’s even considering putting her slap bang in the middle of those plans, then it’s not an accident. He’s about as spontaneous as a dustpan and brush, lad. So, if he decides to go there with your sister, you can be sure that he’ll have put together an entire thesis of the pros and cons of making such a move beforehand. Johnny’s careful, lad, and he’s stable, and when he makes a decision, it’s done intentionally and with permanence in mind.”

“Given a bit of time to get to know each other, I think we could be the best of friends.” “That will never happen,” I warned, glaring at him. “You’re a mad, posh bastard, with a personality that, quite frankly, unsettles the fuck out of me.” Switching off the stove, I grabbed two plates, laden down with food, walked over to the nearby island, and set them down. “Meanwhile, I’m a short-tempered asshole, with neither the patience nor the temperament to handle a person such as yourself in my life.” “Well, I think you’re wrong,” Gibsie replied, handing me a fork, and taking up position on the stool next to mine. “I think we could love each other.” I gaped at him. “You’re a freak.” “Oh, relax,” he chuckled. “I meant like brothers.” “I already have four,” I said flatly. “Don’t need anymore.” "See,” he chuckled, tearing a rasher in half and stuffing it into his mouth. “You’re already opening up to me about your family. We’re bonding.” "We aren't bonding," I argued, stabbing my fried egg with my fork. "We will never bond."

Yeah, I could smell the sexual tension from here. It was almost as bad as the god-awful wet dog smell coming from her. Apparently, she’d been knocked on her ass outside by his dogs. Deciding to fuck with them a little further, I asked lover boy if he had a change of clothes she could borrow, and to watch a lad, who pummeled grown men into the ground on a weekly basis, turn bright red like that was fucking hilarious.

“So, what’s the story with you and your buddy’s sister?” “Who?” he asked. “Claire?” I nodded. “She’s my intended,” he came right out and said, without a hint of embarrassment. “The fuck?” “It’s true,” he urged, eyes wide and full of sincerity. “We’re betrothed.” “Since when?” “Since she was four and I was six, and I promised her that I would marry her.” “So, in other words, you signed your life away on a child’s promise?” “What can I say?” He shrugged before adding, “I’m a man of my word.”

“Who the fuck is putting their hands on your sister?” Well, shit. No one ever had the balls to ask such a forthright question. Nobody ever asked because they didn’t want to get involved, and, even if they did ask, they didn’t want the truth. That’s how it had been for as far back as I could remember. With teachers, trainers, neighbors, hell, even the Gards didn’t want to know. The only person in our lives that had ever taken the time to dig deeper, to push further, was Molloy. Until now. “Yeah, you heard me,”

“Who is hurting your sister?” he repeated, as desperation and frustration fused together inside of him. This fucker cared. He cared an awful lot.

“Listen, I’d love to tell you,” I replied. “I’d have no goddamn problem laying it all out there for you. I have nothing to hide.” As I spoke the words, I realized that they were my truth. Because something had happened inside of me, something fucking strange, and I was growing weary of lying. Of covering up. Of constantly watching my back and the backs of my siblings. It was no life to live, and I didn’t want it anymore.

The sheer volume of prepubescent, alpha-male attitude coming off Tadhg in waves was impressive, and, if it wasn’t for the fact that I had a first-class honor’s degree in handling such a snarky little shithead, I might have felt overwhelmed. However, little alpha proved that he was, indeed, his brother’s double by eventually – and of course reluctantly – succumbing to my irresistible wit and charm. The fact that I could puck a sliotar hadn’t hurt the cause, either. By the time we made it back to their house a little before one o clock, I was somewhat confident that, in the event of all-out war breaking out, I had earned myself three little allies.

my ears were immediately assaulted by the sound of low, almost feral keening. It was a sound that I’d never heard before and never wanted to hear again. It was the sound of a woman’s heart breaking. “Mam?” The crying stopped for a brief moment, and I heard her drag in several gasps of air before she croaked out, “Joey?” “Yeah.” I nodded, trembling. “It’s me, Mam.” “Joey,” she cried out hoarsely. “My Joey?” “Yeah, Mam,” I replied, clearing my throat. “Can I open the curtain and see ya?” A few moments later, the curtain was pulled back, and I was greeted by the sight of my mother’s tear-stained face, as she staggered off the bed and collapsed in my arms. “Joey!” “Shh, it’s okay,” I coaxed, catching her before she could hit the ground. “I’m here.”

“I wasn’t supposed to be there.” “I know,” he strangled out, looking like he was physically dying inside, as he banged his forehead repeatedly against the wheel. “Fuck, I know! It’s just…something came up, okay? And I forgot to call —” “Something came up?” My voice rose with my incredulity. “Oh, that’s fine then, isn’t it? If something came up!” “I’m sorry, okay.” A distressed sob followed by an anguished roar tore from his chest and he pulled back to look at me. “Let me go in there.” Tears were flowing freely down his cheeks, as he implored me with his eyes to give in. “Let me do this for you.”

“What are you saying?” “I’m saying that your life scares me and maybe you were right when you told me that you were a bad idea for me.” Her words hit me like a slap across the face and I physically recoiled, feeling like she had cut me open and left me to hemorrhage at her feet. “Do you really mean that?” “No? Maybe?” Sniffling, she shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know what I mean anymore.” “Okay.” Cold to the bone, I stared at her for the longest moment before shaking my head. “Okay, I should leave.” “What – no, no, don’t go!” Sinking onto my lap, she threw her arms around me and buried her face in my neck. “Don’t leave me!”

And because every horrible situation that I’ve found myself in this past year and a half has been for you. I keep getting hurt because I love you!” I could smell her perfume on my skin, could feel her devastation all around me, as she looked into my eyes and ripped my heart out of my chest. This was exactly what I had tried to stop from happening. I didn’t want to fall in love with her and I did. I didn’t want to let her in and I did. Everything I never wanted to do, I did with her, for her, because I loved her. Because she refused to accept nothing less. I didn’t know what to say to make it right. I didn’t have the words to comfort her in this moment. I couldn’t deny or rebuff what she was saying. As hard as it was to hear, it was the truth. I hurt her and she hurt me, it was what we seemed to do, but she couldn’t look at me now without seeing my father, and all I could see in this moment when I looked at her was my mother. My body bowed in pain. I couldn’t breathe.

I’d thrown up violently when I heard the news, quickly putting two and two together, and realizing that when he told me that something had come up that day, he wasn’t feeding me a line. He meant it. And I had hurt him that night. Badly. My words had devastated him, and I had regretted them the minute they came out of my mouth. I hadn’t meant any of it, but at the time I had been in such a state that I couldn’t think clearly. Never in my life had I felt the level of fear and degradation as I had in that kitchen. The assault, at the hands of Joey’s father, had lasted no longer than ninety seconds at the most, but those ninety seconds had been the most terrifying of my life. Teddy Lynch was the scariest man I had ever encountered, and the desperate need I had to protect myself from ever encountering him again, had resulted in me pushing away the one person who knew what it felt like to fear that man. It gave me a glimpse into the fear that Joey and his siblings had been carrying around for their entire lives, and my heart broke for them.

“Meaning that when you peel back all the layers of yours and Joey’s relationship, taking the flirting, raging hormones, and the physical aspect out of the equation, there’s a rock-solid foundation underneath,” she told me. “One that’s based on friendship, and respect, and trust.” Smiling fondly, she recrossed her ankles, switching them up, and leaned forward in her seat. “He’s your friend, Aoife, and you’re his. Never mind loving one another, that’s the easy part, you and Joey like each other. You enjoy one another’s company, and I can promise you that all of those wonderful aspects of your relationship, all of those effortless conversations you find yourself having with him, or all of the content spells of silence you spend in one another’s company, will only strengthen your ability to stand the test of time. And more crucially; the test of parenthood.” “You really think that?” “I do,” she replied, giving me a reassuring smile. “And remember; mother knows best.”

“What do you want from me, huh?” I demanded, at my wits end. “You let that bastard stay, knowing what he tried to do to my girlfriend, so I leave. Then you text me, three days later, begging me to come back and save you from him, so I come back and do exactly that. Now, you’re in my room, grilling me on being absent from school, accusing me of being cold to you, and calling me a fucking addict?” I shook my head. “I’m here when I don’t want to be, when I would rather be anywhere else on this planet – and that includes a coffin – but I’m here because you called. Because you need me. Because they need me. Even though being inside this house makes me want to peel my skin off. I’m fucking here. If that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know, then I don’t know what to say, I really don’t.” “I want you to love yourself enough to stop destroying yourself.” “How do you ever expect that to happen when the very person who gave birth to me can’t love me?”

Unnerving as it was to admit, there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do protect her. Even if that meant going against my entire family to do right by her. Because, regardless of the consequences incurred by the rest of my family, I was willing to go against everything I had been programed to protect in order to protect her. Even if that meant going against every fiber of my being and remaining quiet about my father because that’s what she needed from me. Conflicted and furious, I remained right there on the steps of the Garda Station until the sky darkened, and my anger waned, making way for my depression. And fuck if the depression wasn’t worse. Dying on the inside and burning on the outside, I stared down at the scars on my knuckles, and forced myself to pretend that I was fine. That none of this hurt. That I didn’t care.

The air thinned around me, making it genuinely hard to drag breath into my lungs. Trembling beneath the intensity of it all, I forced a small smile and a small limp wave. What other way was there to greet the boy you'd spent years loving? The boy whose father had tried to molest you. The boy who you ripped the heart out of the last time you saw him. Jesus. I watched Joey stiffen, his eyes heated and focused entirely on me. He didn’t smile. He didn’t wave. He just stared at me. This was too much. It was way too fucking much. There were so many unspoken words, so many unanswered questions hanging in the air between us both. I knew that he felt it, too. His expression wasn’t hiding anything from me. He was showing it all right now, every ounce of confusion, pain and annoyance.

“Thanks,” I breathed, hating the ridge between us. “So, are you okay?” Nodding stiffly, he kept his eyes trained on the door in front of us. “Are you?” “Yeah.” I shrugged weakly. “I mean, I think so.” “That’s good.” His jaw ticked and I watched as he swallowed deeply. “I’m glad. I was worried about you.” “I was worried about you.” Shivering, I reached under our desk and placed my hand on his hard, muscular thigh. “God, Joe, I’ve missed you so much.” A deep shudder rolled through him, but he made no move to respond or return any physical affection. Instead, he leaned forward, rested his elbows on our desk, dropped his head in his hands, and muttered something unintelligible under his breath.

“You have to know I didn’t mean it,” I blurted, addressing the elephant in the room. “All of that shit I spurted out the last time we were together? It wasn’t me, Joe.” He stiffened. “I didn’t mean it, okay?” Reaching up, I placed a hand on his back, frowning when I felt the heat emanating from his body. Jesus, he was burning up. “I swear, Joe. Not one word of it.” “Yeah, you did.” The muscles in his back coiled tight under my touch. “And it’s okay. I don’t blame you.” “I don’t blame you for what happened, Joe,” I told him, feeling achingly vulnerable in this moment. “And I don’t want space. I never want space from you.”

All of sudden it made perfect sense. The drowsiness. The lethargy. The scorching hot skin. Eyes as black as coal. “Oh my god.” I sucked in a sharp breath. “What did you take?” “Nothing.” He moved to turn his face away, but I caught his chin between my fingers and forced him to look at me. “What did you take?” “Nothing,” he argued before releasing a pained breath. “Today.” “Yesterday?” He nodded slowly. “And the day before?” Another nod. My heart broke further. “When did it start?” Silence. “When did it start?” “After I left your place.” Oh god, no… “So, we’re talking a week?” “About that.” “What was it?” I forced myself to ask. “What did you take?” “Not what you think.” “What did you take, Joey?” “Not that.” “I didn’t ask you what you didn’t take,” I hissed, heartbroken and furious. “Tell me what you took, dammit.”

“Oh my god.” My breath hitched in my throat. “Why, Joe, why?” “Why do you think?” he whispered brokenly, still obediently keeping eye contact with me, as I held his chin in my hand. “I broke you.” “No, Joe, you didn’t break me.” I shook my head and blinked back the tears stinging my eyes. “You broke you.” “It’s my fault.” He looked away then, pulling his face free. “What happened to you is on me.” “You didn’t do anything wrong.“ “I brought you into that house,” he hissed, swinging back to glare at me. “I put you in harm’s way and harm got you.” “I’m okay,” I choked out, reaching up to touch his cheek only to feel the sting of rejection when he leaned away from my touch. “Don’t do this. Don’t throw away everything you’ve worked so hard for.” “I don’t have anything, Molloy,” was his lifeless response. “I never did.” “You have me,” I breathed, chest rising and falling quicky, as I fought to maintain my composure in a classroom surrounded by peers. “You still have me, Joe. I don’t blame you, okay? I don’t.” “I’m him.” “No, you’re not.” “Yeah, I am.” He shrugged. “You said it yourself.” “That was my hurt talking,” I choked. “I didn’t mean it.” “It was your brain talking,” he corrected. “It was your truth.”

“Thank you,” she whispered. “For loving my son. I know that it’s not easy at times.” “Loving your son is effortless,” I cut her off by saying, pushing my damp hair out of my eyes. “It’s getting him to love himself that’s the hard part.”