How to Honeymoon Alone

by Olivia Hayle

“You’re a lucky man.”

“Yes, and she sure likes to remind me.”

The desire to nurture ideas until they blossomed into fully-grown stories had been missing.

“Enjoy turning real people into fake people.” That makes me laugh. “You make me sound like a psycho.” “Aren’t all writers?”

he hasn’t opened his laptop again. He’s watching me instead.

As graceless as they are on land, here they’re aquatic gymnasts, and this is their realm.

“I get the sense that you’re not feeling like your best self,” I say. “If you want to talk about it, I’m a good listener. But it’s perfectly all right if you don’t want to.”

“All I did was hold a stick,” I say. “No, you rhythmically tugged on it, too,” he corrects. “And that made all the difference.”

A hand curves lightly around my waist, and then his voice is by my ear. His breath tickles my skin. “Sit back properly, Eden,” he says. “It’s safer.”

“Um, yes,” I say. And then, because my brain loves to sabotage me, I blurt, “You smell good.”

“Funny, but dry. It’s a sneaky kind of humor.”

“You didn’t like your job as a seat belt, did you?”

liked it far too much.”

I think women are drawn to true crime because it lets us explore the dark side of human nature from a safe distance.

“Maybe it’s analogous to guys who love watching documentaries about World War Two.”

“Would you take my case pro bono?” “I don’t know,” he says. “I might ask for some form of payment.”

he’s back to his asshole ways, and I’m not having it. I’ve got enough of my own shit to handle. “Because if you are, I’d rather not go,”

“Okay, then. Let’s try to make the rest of it good.”

“Sex doesn’t have winners and losers.” “Oh, Eden, it definitely does,” he says. “I like winning… and I like making sure the woman I’m with wins, too. Several times.”

“But I’m holding you personally accountable for the outcome.”

Do you make friends wherever you go?”

“That’s my vacation self,” he says. “I’m doing a shit ton of things I never had any intention to.”

“Yes. I have to start living again, you know? After my wedding got called off, and the relationship imploded, well…” I shake my head. “It took a toll. But even though I love sitting at home in my pajamas most evenings and watching old movies, I can’t only do that.”

“I was just thinking that you wouldn’t like me if we’d met Stateside.”

“Keeping secrets, Meyer? From your new wife?” He chuckles. “Only ones she’s not ready to hear, yeah.”

“Oh, I think you can. I’m just not ready to play that card, yet.”

“Right. Well, I enjoyed kissing you.” My throat goes dry. “Yeah. Well… I did too.”

“Is all of this research?” he asks. “Depends,” I say. “Do you want to get murdered and give me a story?” His eyes widen, and then he smiles. It lights up his tanned face. “By you? Any day.”

“I didn't expect this, Eden. I didn't expect you.”

“What are we doing?” I whisper. “I have no idea,” he says. “I don't know what I've been doing this entire trip.”

“Vacation self,” I murmur.

“Maybe,” he says quietly. “Or maybe it's just me, and it’s just you.”

I’d tipped my head back and whispered that I could get used to this.

He likes making me laugh.

“What’s your vacation self?”

it’s seemingly someone who does things he had no intention of ever doing.”

“Or getting increasingly attracted to a fellow tourist at the resort. The last one’s a bit of a problem.”

it’s been driving me crazy.

It’s like he gave me all the pleasure and decided to take none for himself, and I can’t quite work out why.

“It’s killing me to not do it again. Right now. All the time.”

“Hmm. Well, I don’t think I ever really loved her.”

that we never really spoke. Not properly, not deeply. Not about everything and anything.”

But now, I think my lack of care was probably a big red flag.

I’m more irate at your dipshit of an ex for cheating on you than I am at my own.”

“I really like my job, though. But if I had a relationship that truly matters, that’s right… I don’t think I’d make the same prioritization.”

Our conversations are banal. Sometimes serious, often not, and never predictable.

Just that I’m glad you were on your honeymoon alone at the same time as me.”

“You just have to make everything into a contest, don’t you?”

“But I like it best when we’re both winning.”

That I’m upset over losing this, whatever it is, and the possibility of it ever becoming anything more.