Exit Interview: The Life and Death of My Ambitious Career

by Kristi Coulter

And I’ve crammed so hard for this lark that if it ends in rejection, I’ll be the one saying no.

I won’t have to risk failure, or even worse, success, which would require me to stop floating along and make a real decision about my life. But I’m thirty-five and can’t remember the last time I changed or learned in any big way. I’m bored with my job and my town, but also—especially—with myself.

My ability to have an impact on either AMG’s path or my own within the company is agonizingly limited. I try to tell myself it doesn’t matter, that it’s enough to make decent money doing fun work with people I mostly like. But it isn’t. At AMG and in my liberal arts background, ambition is considered uncool and even a little embarrassing. I’m supposed to see work as a necessary evil. But I can’t help it. I like to work, and I want my work to leave a wake.

it? And what happens if I fail? I never fail, because I never take on anything I’m truly unsure I can handle; even when it looks as if I were stretching myself, I keep a secret 10 percent in reserve.

I’m thirty-six, which seems like a shockingly advanced age to a thirty-six-year-old. Can I really avoid change, failure, and risk for the rest of my life?