Always Know What To Say - Easy Ways To Approach And Talk To Anyone

by Peter W. Murphy

The big challenge with this approach is that you're hoping and waiting for things to work out and not taking charge so you'll often end up stuck with someone who won't stop talking or you'll end up alone and bored making small talk with whoever is nearby merely out of convenience not because you have a good match. This is not what socially successful people do. Instead they circulate, they move around the venue for the duration of the event, they scan the group and look for good matches, they then approach those people and make light conversation. If the conversation goes deeper and longer they soak it up, if not, they move on and talk to someone else. They actively avoid parts of the room where people appear bored, lifeless and disinterested. In other words, they proactively go to the people most likely to engage in an enjoyable conversation.

make a point of meeting new people each week.

When you get into an established routine and only go to certain stores, cafes, restaurants and only vacation in certain destinations or types of resort life can seem very comfortable and safe but inadvertently you're weakening your ability to handle novelty and you're losing your natural ability to handle new situations and new people. For this reason it's important for anyone looking to develop great social skills to mix it up a little.

Get in the habit of having new experiences in your life on a weekly basis. You don't have to go it alone either, take a friend or partner with you but do make a point of getting used to experiencing and adapting to new situations and people.

To immediately expand your range of conversation possibilities it's important to be more focused on what other people enjoy talking about. Follow pop culture, read mainstream fiction, go to popular movies and stay up to date with the current issues most people are talking about. Do this, not because you are especially interested but because it makes you easier to talk to and it makes it much easier for you to interact with a far wider range of people.

Not up to date with local happenings This factor is related to the previous point about a general lack of interest in what others like to discuss. The fact is most people pay attention to and like to talk about what is happening in their community. They want to know about upcoming events, local news and changes in their local area. If you ignore what is happening where you live and neglect to stay up to date you lose another great way to connect with people.

If you pay attention to how socially successful people interact you'll see that they can talk about a wide range of topics because they care about getting to know people, they may have limited interest in a particular topic but that's not the point, the point is they choose to be flexible about what they can and will talk about so that they can talk to just about anyone. You can choose to do the same.

The key is to share a little about who you are and what you enjoy, nothing too personal, just enough to help everyone in the conversation to establish common interests and experiences that can become the basis of an engaging conversation. With a little practice you'll see the positive impact a little personal disclosure makes possible. Socially active people are the perfect role model for this behavior, they always have personal stories and anecdotes to share for entertainment purposes and to let people get to know them. This one factor changes everything as people see you as a three dimensional person they can relate to.

Quiet people habitually let others take charge, they get so used to reacting to what everyone else is saying that they forget they can choose to be more assertive and to lead the conversation. This is an important skill to learn.

Popular people on the other hand do the very opposite. They decide what they'd like to do and find some friends who would enjoy the same activity. This way the instigator knows he will have a good time and looks forward to the event, socializing becomes fun and he wants to do more of it not avoid it. The key is to sometimes be the one who takes charge and leads everyone else, by doing this you get to be the one who designs the day out or evening with friends, once you get the hang of this you'll see socializing as the high point of the week not as a series of boring events you'd rather miss.

Sometimes it's good to go to social events to stay in touch in people even when you have some reservations based on social fears. Stay socially active so that you don't lose your connections with your current friends or lose the opportunity to meet more like minded people. Remember, the social activity is not the primary function of the event, the main reason to attend is to be part of the social scene, to see other people and to be seen by them, to be in the right place at the right time to hear about other events that may suit you better.

There is a lesson in this for all of us, to improve and to excel we need to practice and we must prepare before the pressure of the moment kicks in. If you'll make a point of having a ready supply of current topic to discuss and if you'll practice at home before you go out to socialize you'll get better and better over time.

It's also good to anticipate the crowd you'll be part of. Consider who you know who is attending: friends, friends of friends and the type of people you'll meet. This information will then guide your preparation so you’ll have interesting and suitable conversation topics to lead with. The more you prepare by removing uncertainty and doubt about the kind of people you'll meet the more comfortable you'll be about meeting people.

Poor dress sense While we have focused on attitude and interactions so far it is important to mention how important it is to dress appropriately and well when meeting people. Although we might sometimes forget, the clothes you wear affect how you feel about yourself and can boost or lower your self-confidence. We've all had the experience of wearing an item of clothing we absolutely love and feeling fantastic every time we wear it. When it comes to how you dress you want to make it your goal to look your best and feel at your best. You want to avoid wearing anything that makes you feel self-conscious because of the fit or the unflattering nature of the garment. Instead, over time fill your wardrobe with clothes that suit you and boost your confidence. Dressing well also has other benefits. You'll receive compliments from people you meet, your posture will be better and people will take you more seriously. You'll be listened to more and your opinion respected more simply because you dress well. For these reasons it's important not to take for granted the importance of dressing for conversation success.

I guarantee you one thing. If you’ll help just one stranger a day with an act of kindness you’ll be happier and feel more connected to everyone. You’ll also notice that many people are craving for a smile, the chance to talk to someone or just to know that someone cares enough to notice them. When that realization hits you it becomes obvious that almost everyone else is just like you, stuck in that passive attitude of waiting for someone else to make the first move.

1. Decide to like people Unless people give you a reason not to, assume that anyone you meet is likable and worth talking to. Popular people genuinely love meeting people. They enjoy getting to know new people and their default setting is: "I love meeting people".

Very often shy people assume others do not want to talk to them or that they will be criticized when they share their thoughts and feelings. In other words shy people often paint such a negative picture of others that it becomes almost impossible to approach anyone.

Your happiness is entirely under your control. It does not depend on whether someone else is responsive to you. You might think you will feel terrible if people aren't keen to get to know you. That is based on a false assumption - you assume happiness is about what happens outside of you but it's not. Whether you are happy or not is a question of how you think and feel and has nothing to do with the reactions of others unless you decide to live with that false belief.