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‘Like a military academy,’ said Arthur, ‘bits of me keep on passing out.’
‘Ah,’ said Arthur, ‘this is obviously some strange usage of the word safe that I wasn’t previously aware of.’
Here is what to do if you want to get a lift from a Vogon: forget it.
It’s unpleasantly like being drunk.’ ‘What’s so unpleasant about being drunk?’ ‘You ask a glass of water.’
At that moment the bottom fell out of Arthur’s mind.
‘Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.’
‘I don’t want to die now!’ he yelled. ‘I’ve still got a headache! I don’t want to go to heaven with a headache, I’d be all cross and wouldn’t enjoy it!’
‘So this is it,’ said Arthur, ‘we are going to die.’
we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway. Thank you.
‘Ford,’ he said, ‘there’s an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they’ve worked out.’
ten out of ten for style, but minus several million for good thinking, yeah?’
Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to take you down to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? ’Cos I don’t.’
‘and we’ll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere . . . and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys.
once described by Eccentrica Gallumbits as the Best Bang since the Big One,
‘If there’s anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.’
Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level.’
‘I only know as much about myself as my mind can work out under its current conditions. And its current conditions are not good.’
The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the ‘Star Spangled Banner’, but in fact the message was this: So long, and thanks for all the fish.
The wall defied the imagination – seduced it and defeated it.
‘would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?’
Their names were Lunkwill and Fook.
‘I am Majikthise!’ announced the older one. ‘And I demand that I am Vroomfondel!’ shouted the younger one.
‘we demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!’
‘Hey, come on, wake up.’ ‘Just let me stick to what I’m good at, yeah?’ muttered Zaphod and rolled away from the voice back to sleep.
‘I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle,’
suffering from an acute attack of no curiosity.
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
its brain was originally a badly deformed, misplaced and dyspeptic liver.
‘Yeah. Listen, I’m Zaphod Beeblebrox, my father was Zaphod Beeblebrox the Second, my grandfather Zaphod Beeblebrox the Third . . .’ ‘What?’ ‘There was an accident with a contraceptive and a time machine.
‘Conceited little megapuppy.’
‘If you ever find you need help again, you know, if you’re in trouble, need a hand out of a tight corner . . .’ ‘Yeah?’ ‘Please don’t hesitate to get lost.’
‘The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.’
‘don’t you try to outweird me. I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.’
‘Shee, you guys are so unhip it’s a wonder your bums don’t fall off.’
The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved his way through it.
‘The first ten million years were the worst,’ said Marvin, ‘and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million I didn’t enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline.’
To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.
‘People who talk to themselves on the phone,’ said Ford, ‘never learn anything to their advantage.’
‘So we’re not home and dry,’ he said. ‘We could not even be said,’ replied Ford, ‘to be home and vigorously towelling ourselves off.’
‘What I need,’ shouted Ford, by way of clarifying his previous remarks, ‘is a strong drink and a peer-group.’
‘The dew,’ he observed, ‘has clearly fallen with a particularly sickening thud this morning.’
‘One thing,’ he further added, ‘has suddenly ceased to lead to another’ – in contradiction of which he had another drink and slid gracelessly off his chair.
Arthur could almost imagine Paul McCartney sitting with his feet up by the fire one evening, humming it to Linda and wondering what to buy with the proceeds, and thinking probably Essex.
a quick glass of perspective and soda.
It was the product of a mind that was not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
the band playing it were very tired, and some members of it were playing in three-four time, some in four-four, and some in a kind of pie-eyed πr2,
His head was swimming freestyle, but someone in his stomach was doing the butterfly.
Gunfire erupted from a window high above them, but it was only a bass player getting shot for playing the wrong riff three times in a row,
